Month: December 2004

Well, not quite, but it soon will be… And I’m not at my parents.

Why am I not at my parents? Because I am full of lurgee. The cough I caught off my lil’ nephew last week has now developed into a fully fledged cold; I’m desparately hoping I can shift it before friday, ‘cos I really want to be at my parents for Xmas Eve/Xmas day. I know my body’s not very good at stomping on colds but I’m really hoping it gets off it’s lazy bone idle immune system and kicks this one into touch. Actually, that’s unfair. My body has been doing really well recently. This is the first time it’s kinda lost it.

Anyway. I dunno what I’m doing on here. Mostly can’t sleep. Want to, but can’t. Watched the first ep. of Lost today; got to say it didn’t *Grab* me, but there was enough vague interest at the end for me to decide I’m gonna watch the next one.

I’ve also been debating the massive reinstall/reorganisation of my PCs. But this involves a lot of hastle, and it’s always a bit unnerving pulling my installs to bits; and praying that when the machines come up they’ve got the disks I thought they had where I think they should have them! And that I’ve not nuked anything important. Not quite located the enthusiasm for that job yet though!

I have a Stress Related Disorder. It doesn’t really stop me functioning; but it does make my life distinctly less pleasant. Generally, I feel sick most of the time, and like I’m going to vomit. I tend to spend an inordinate amount of time in the bathroom; lose a lot of weight; and generally hate my very existance.

It appears that it’s made a comeback. I would like this, provisionally, to:

– My dad’s illness, first and foremost.
– My monetary situation.
– My degree.
– My housing situation.
– My lack of a partner.

I’ve never been particularly good at dealing with any of the above, (well, my dad’s illness I’ve not really dealt with, until now; my money I tend to just ignore until I can’t; I hate being a student, it makes me miserable; we’ve got to move and I hate being single) – and currently they’ve all decided to pile on the pressure at the moment.

So.

It’s a case of just knuckling down (or knickling, which is what I typed first) and getting on with it. Hopefully I’ll feel less like I’ve been out on the piss all day tomorrow.

…my copy of The L Word box set dvd has arrived while I was away. It seems to be terribly cool and has lots of fun / bizzare extras.

Mmm. And some extra Shane.

So, that is cool.

Also I seemed to connect with my two nephews, despite my long absence from their lives. So. Yes. That was very cool.

On the very big downside, the very very big, don’t talk to me about it, I’ll be spending a lot of time talking to my councellor about it, downside; my dad is very ill. Possible pneumonia. Not sure yet. Very ill. This councelling thing though, it’s given me back some space to cope.

And that is a very good thing. Even if I’m not quite up to working tonight, I am feeling more like a human again.

And I continue to *love* Death in Vegas.

For the second time in my life I’ve watched the so-called medical profession assume that they know better than the patient what is wrong with them. Aisling nearly died because of it. And today one of my friends was admitted, sent home and then re-admitted at 1am, by me.

And the Doctor kept talking over her, and ignoring her, and saying she should go home and that it wasn’t a fucking emergency. He wouldn’t listen, and he wouldn’t fucking take in a fucking word. Every time she tried to speak he spoke over her. Every time I said “can you please let her finish” he’d talk over me.

He presumed he was God’s fucking Gift, and he knows less than fuck all. He tried to pull the abusive patient shit. If I ever have to work with him I’ll damn well let him know what I think of his ‘bedside manner’.

Fortunately, I actually work in the NHS, so I know who to ask for and who to request, and what to say to make them keep someone in. So she’s in overnight. But I’m scared for her because they are so fucking useless. And I am so fucking angry that so-called doctors like that continue to work in the NHS because it doesn’t deserve them; and they don’t deserve to be called doctors.

Is undoubtly not the one that I’ve just handed in; but the one I just handed is pretty bad. Not in the sense of being ‘a bad essay’. It’s reasonably readable, the grammar is okay, the spelling’s good. It’s well referenced. It just doesn’t really answer the question very well.

Oh well.

Anyway, today I’m going to have a look at my motorcycle.

Yes.

I will.

I promise.

So,

Coffee helps. So much for cutting down my caffine intake. I’ve got one ‘section’ more to write – the essay is now offically “long enough”, but if I can write say, 400 more words, then it’s just nicely over the word requirement, perhaps enough to make up for the complete lack of answering the question.

Nyargh!

You know when you realise that you’ve

a: not answered the question
b: not done research which would answer the question well
c: not asked the right questions of the people you’ve spoken to

?

Well, that’s what I’ve done. I went off at a tangent when I was doing my essay research….without realising. And it’s left me in the entertaining situation that most of my research, although interesting (did you know that in America, ethnic minorities with diabetes have a poorer outcome regardless of socio-economic position, and that women get charged more for the same length hospital stay with the same treatment? No? I didn’t either, until I did this research) is only really background to the question – if indeed it’s usable at all.

So, my answer kind of repeatedly veers off at tangents. I just hope it’s ‘pass’ grade. I’m not convinced it is. But at least, if I fail, I can go and ask people the questions I should have and write a damn sight of a better essay.

Anyway, I should get back to it. I’d like to get it finished today so I can spend tomorrow resting and doing things for me, something I’ve done far too little of in the recent past.