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  • 25 May 2000, 19:48.55.

    Well, how are things in my world? Well, my car is still buggered, indeed more so than ever before – it’s periodic decisions to stop have now become regular stopping off points – I have my own section of hard-shoulder with “Reserved” painted on it now *g*.

    Not only that, but my “region free” DVD drive has opted to become a diskless DVD drive – in that a large selection of the disks I put in cannot be played….at all. And some of those that can be played ski[p like buggery, or (as in the case of “blade” – which incidentally I got for 6UKP) simply stop completely.

    So that’s not good. However on the plus side there is a possibility that I will b able to get my “reactolight” glasses which should be called: “don’treacttolight-butcoldinstead” changed for normal lenses……I would be more pleased but they want me to send them back to the branch where I bought them (as opposed to simply popping down to my local branch) – unfortunately I bought them in Birmingham.

    The other good thing that’s happened is that I got a phone-call from a company about my CV, for a web consultancy role – which I’d be quite fond of, and also most importantly the hormones are definately doing something….yes indeed….apart from the fact I definately feel happier, there’s also the fact that I’m quite distictly getting “better” (i.e. softer/smoother) skin, and my chest is definately developing! So, I’m really quite happy about that.

    But what’s been in my brain recently is something that James said: he described the generic ability to use computer software as a skill, and I’m beginning to fear that there are some people who will never master it – in much the same way as there are people who will never master violin playing, or painting.

    It surely cannot be something that you’re born with? I mean it can’t be that the majority of people really have to relearn all the skills when they change package can it?

    The fear that perhaps it really is true was sparked by an occurance at work. I popped mozilla onto one of the machines in the office – purely because I wanted to check what some pages ‘d look like in something other than MSIE 5, and that happened to be handy. (Since I’d downloaded it to take home). Anyway it fired it up and Chris said “What’s that?” in a kind of, what type of software is it – so I said it’s a browser, and he explained that it would take him ages to be able to use it.

    And I looked at it and thought – but it’s essentially the same. It’s not like going from say Notepad to Word where you have whole new sets of options and new things you can do. This is essentially the same in all important respects, so “favourites” are called “bookmarks” and there’s no button for it on the toolbar – how hard can it be to click the menu option.

    I thought “but what do these people do when we upgrade?” and then I realised – they ask for help, they want classes in using it – they don’t learn conceptually, they learn specific details. Whereas me, James and I suspect most techie people simply lear a concept.

    Point, click – it’s a concept that we apply, where as other people learn to “press the left mouse button”. To us an icon is an icon, to them a word icon starts word when you double click on it. That’s as far as they go.

    But what I don’t get is most of these people can use any coooker or any TV. They get the concepts for that – why not for operating systems and software?

    So that’s my question for the day. Why do people not gain a conceptual understanding of operating systems and software?

    LOL

    Kate….

  • Post entry_110

    25 May 2000, 19:48.55.

    Well, how are things in my world? Well, my car is still buggered, indeed more so than ever before – it’s periodic decisions to stop have now become regular stopping off points – I have my own section of hard-shoulder with “Reserved” painted on it now *g*.

    Not only that, but my “region free” DVD drive has opted to become a diskless DVD drive – in that a large selection of the disks I put in cannot be played….at all. And some of those that can be played ski[p like buggery, or (as in the case of “blade” – which incidentally I got for 6UKP) simply stop completely.

    So that’s not good. However on the plus side there is a possibility that I will b able to get my “reactolight” glasses which should be called: “don’treacttolight-butcoldinstead” changed for normal lenses……I would be more pleased but they want me to send them back to the branch where I bought them (as opposed to simply popping down to my local branch) – unfortunately I bought them in Birmingham.

    The other good thing that’s happened is that I got a phone-call from a company about my CV, for a web consultancy role – which I’d be quite fond of, and also most importantly the hormones are definately doing something….yes indeed….apart from the fact I definately feel happier, there’s also the fact that I’m quite distictly getting “better” (i.e. softer/smoother) skin, and my chest is definately developing! So, I’m really quite happy about that.

    But what’s been in my brain recently is something that James said: he described the generic ability to use computer software as a skill, and I’m beginning to fear that there are some people who will never master it – in much the same way as there are people who will never master violin playing, or painting.

    It surely cannot be something that you’re born with? I mean it can’t be that the majority of people really have to relearn all the skills when they change package can it?

    The fear that perhaps it really is true was sparked by an occurance at work. I popped mozilla onto one of the machines in the office – purely because I wanted to check what some pages ‘d look like in something other than MSIE 5, and that happened to be handy. (Since I’d downloaded it to take home). Anyway it fired it up and Chris said “What’s that?” in a kind of, what type of software is it – so I said it’s a browser, and he explained that it would take him ages to be able to use it.

    And I looked at it and thought – but it’s essentially the same. It’s not like going from say Notepad to Word where you have whole new sets of options and new things you can do. This is essentially the same in all important respects, so “favourites” are called “bookmarks” and there’s no button for it on the toolbar – how hard can it be to click the menu option.

    I thought “but what do these people do when we upgrade?” and then I realised – they ask for help, they want classes in using it – they don’t learn conceptually, they learn specific details. Whereas me, James and I suspect most techie people simply lear a concept.

    Point, click – it’s a concept that we apply, where as other people learn to “press the left mouse button”. To us an icon is an icon, to them a word icon starts word when you double click on it. That’s as far as they go.

    But what I don’t get is most of these people can use any coooker or any TV. They get the concepts for that – why not for operating systems and software?

    So that’s my question for the day. Why do people not gain a conceptual understanding of operating systems and software?

    LOL

    Kate….

  • 17 May 2000, 22:40.26.

    Well, the moon is shining after yet another day, and I feel slightly more positive than I have for a while. Not like leaping about/ happy woo-hoo kind of positive, but definately more positive.

    I just had a quick chat with a Nikki – and I voiced a statement which passes through my mind fairly frequesntly:

     

    “I sometimes feel like I’m sprinting towards it and at other times I just don’t”
    By which I mean that I know my destiny – I know where I want, no, need to get to – and I know that if I can stay the course then I will get there. Sometimes I have faith in myself to achive it and it feels like I’m moving swiftly towards my goal. But sometimes, and it’s felt like this for the past few days – I’ve felt like I was getting no-where. I was just pushing a rock up-hill and overall getting no-where fast.

    This feeling drags me down into depression – but it’s odd because the depression never seems to last the night. Even last night when I felt like complete sh*t, and was on the virge of tears for most of the evening – I still got up this morning feeling happy, although I spent most of the night desparate as I literally couldn’t sleep. I reckon I got somewhere between 6 and 7 half-hour bursts of sleep – with each interupted by me waking up for no good reason.

    That meant that I’ve lived the whole day on caffinne and hence am off to bed now…..

    g’night….or at least a better one.

    Kate.

  • Post entry_109

    17 May 2000, 22:40.26.

    Well, the moon is shining after yet another day, and I feel slightly more positive than I have for a while. Not like leaping about/ happy woo-hoo kind of positive, but definately more positive.

    I just had a quick chat with a Nikki – and I voiced a statement which passes through my mind fairly frequesntly:

    “I sometimes feel like I’m sprinting towards it and at other times I just don’t”

    By which I mean that I know my destiny – I know where I want, no, need to get to – and I know that if I can stay the course then I will get there. Sometimes I have faith in myself to achive it and it feels like I’m moving swiftly towards my goal. But sometimes, and it’s felt like this for the past few days – I’ve felt like I was getting no-where. I was just pushing a rock up-hill and overall getting no-where fast.

    This feeling drags me down into depression – but it’s odd because the depression never seems to last the night. Even last night when I felt like complete sh*t, and was on the virge of tears for most of the evening – I still got up this morning feeling happy, although I spent most of the night desparate as I literally couldn’t sleep. I reckon I got somewhere between 6 and 7 half-hour bursts of sleep – with each interupted by me waking up for no good reason.

    That meant that I’ve lived the whole day on caffinne and hence am off to bed now…..

    g’night….or at least a better one.

    Kate.

  • 16 May 2000, 20:33.40.

    I don’t know whether it’s the hormones, or whether it’s just me, but my mood today has been like a yo-yo. I started this morning on an emense high for no really good reason, then I got a letter from RR which made me even happier. Then I went to work, and had a fairly average day – by the end of which my good mood was definately fading.

    But it was mearly lagging – then I got home – and it had turned cold – which was a pain in the arse because I needed to change the alternator (or at least remove mine in preparation for replacing it tomorrow.

    Now, having got the first bolt undone I looked at the Haynes manual, and the “photo” and realised that as per usual their grasp on reality was somewhat slim. Either that or maybe they just made it up.

    For whatever reason my alternator which looked like their photo was mounted by two quite rusty looking bolds – however since the first bolt had looked rusty I attempted to get these free.

    Now unlike the alternators I’ve seen before this one required 4 bolts to be undone – not exactly the simplest mounting ever – indeed it’s the worst I’ve ever seen. Having not even managed to succeed in getting a spanner onto the really badly placed bolts (and having forced the alternator down (using a spanner) – this is meant to tilt?????

    Anyway – my dad came out and had a hack and after about 10 minutes we had a socket on there – applying the huge amount of force it took to move it and then snap – off came the head. It had (approx 50%) rusted through.

    So now, my “car” which was going to be used to take me on holiday is going to have to go into the garage for about the rest of eternity. And I can’t afford to go on holiday – a holiday I really, really needed. Lots.

    So I’m miserable as fu*k again. Indeed I just want to curl up in bed and cry; my car which I was dead proud of has eaten an entire months salary and still isn’t roadworthy. Not only that but I can’t even guarantee that after this it will be – there’s still a variety of other repairs to do.

    I don’t know when it’s gonna stop; it feels like the money’s just going to keep pouring out indefinately.

    Kate.

    who’s going to sit on mirc and feel sorry for herself.

  • Post entry_108

    16 May 2000, 20:33.40.

    I don’t know whether it’s the hormones, or whether it’s just me, but my mood today has been like a yo-yo. I started this morning on an emense high for no really good reason, then I got a letter from RR which made me even happier. Then I went to work, and had a fairly average day – by the end of which my good mood was definately fading.

    But it was mearly lagging – then I got home – and it had turned cold – which was a pain in the arse because I needed to change the alternator (or at least remove mine in preparation for replacing it tomorrow.

    Now, having got the first bolt undone I looked at the Haynes manual, and the “photo” and realised that as per usual their grasp on reality was somewhat slim. Either that or maybe they just made it up.

    For whatever reason my alternator which looked like their photo was mounted by two quite rusty looking bolds – however since the first bolt had looked rusty I attempted to get these free.

    Now unlike the alternators I’ve seen before this one required 4 bolts to be undone – not exactly the simplest mounting ever – indeed it’s the worst I’ve ever seen. Having not even managed to succeed in getting a spanner onto the really badly placed bolts (and having forced the alternator down (using a spanner) – this is meant to tilt?????

    Anyway – my dad came out and had a hack and after about 10 minutes we had a socket on there – applying the huge amount of force it took to move it and then snap – off came the head. It had (approx 50%) rusted through.

    So now, my “car” which was going to be used to take me on holiday is going to have to go into the garage for about the rest of eternity. And I can’t afford to go on holiday – a holiday I really, really needed. Lots.

    So I’m miserable as fu*k again. Indeed I just want to curl up in bed and cry; my car which I was dead proud of has eaten an entire months salary and still isn’t roadworthy. Not only that but I can’t even guarantee that after this it will be – there’s still a variety of other repairs to do.

    I don’t know when it’s gonna stop; it feels like the money’s just going to keep pouring out indefinately.

    Kate.

    who’s going to sit on mirc and feel sorry for herself.

  • Post entry_107

    15 May 2000, 23:00.42

    Well, let’s just say I feel down shall we.

    Yet again I’ve slowly slid down into a feeling of complete depression….why? Well lots of small things.

    This weekend was meant to be kinda relaxing in that I arranged to see a friend and do some cooking (which I though’d be a laugh and would allow me not to concentrate on being TS which seems to happen far to much, and also would take my mind of splitting up with Hannah, and the saga of my car). I also took monday off so that I could repair my car (being as I was under the impression that once, just once an order might arrive the day I was told it would.

    All of which I’d classify as “good things”. However it didn’t really turn out quite right.

    Saturday was lousy. Or possibly beyond lousy. Why? Because I had to do “boy mode” for the whole day. Explain: I started re-building the porch last year in an attempt to help my parents, however time constraints and wood shortage ment that it was periodically put on hold. However the last few bits of wood were purchased on the basis that my ability to look male for the village would decrease rapidly over time and thus we need to finish it soon. However as I stood there sanding a piece of wood I could feel myself becoming more and more depressed.

    Then Hannah rang – and we had a row (which is quite impressive for a non-couple) about the fact I had decieded to go out on Sunday – but I don’t think she reaslised just how desparate I was.

    That basically was my Saturday.

    Sunday, well sunday in many respects went well. The only problem (apart from the near disasterous desert I produced (edible)), was that being called by male pronouns really began to bug me this weekend. Indeed I really find it hard now. Which is unfortunate because I know James tries really hard, and I don’t expect him, or anyone else to get it right all of the time but on top of what happened today it just make me feel more lousy.

    I mean I can understand how hard it is – I get the pronouns mixed up, I get them mixed for myself as well sometimes, but it doesn’t make me feel any better.

    So, we move onto Monday. Hannah came down, this was stressful. She also managed to use male pronouns (3 times), I had an argument with my mother about wanting to move out, she used male pronouns.

    I went to get my car parts, they had arrived. One was incorrect – meaning my car is _still_ off the road, the other may be incorrect (1 in 3 possibility – as the fuel pump is “type a” and there are two other types…however just to make it more fun you can’t tell which type it is until you take the bloody thing off).

    Oh, and I got my first rejection from my new jobsearch (which is depressing at the best of times). “Your exprience does not match our requirements”. Have they considered PUTTING they’re requirements somewhere so I could tell??????.

    Sh*t, I hate being this low. I feel like I should be happy – I’ve got so much going for me, and here I am moping around.

    I think I’ll go and stare at the ceiling a bit more now.

    Kate.

  • 11 May 2000, 19:35.21

     

    Fnarf – how many things can go wrong with one car? Just how many? Arrrghhhh! I think it’s trying to distract me from my split up. I mean – so far we’ve had a service, which included a gearbox link, a new fuel pump (which doesn’t arrive ’til monday), new temperature sender (if I can get one), and now the alternators decided it’s going to die….

    Fnar!

    Apart from that I spent most of the day doing a job a trained monkey could do – converting a text file into nice HTML – made worse by the fact it was a text file from a pdf – and had lot’s of italics & bolds which needed to be reinstated.

    However – at least it was web-design (even if kinda tedious)….I also managed to help someone do something – and I also learned that people are incapable of reading the Help files. They’re one of the few actually good things about Windows, so why don’t they use them?????

    That really bugs me.

    And then I want to teach them how to use any piece of WP software, but they are taught how to use word and that’s all – Arrgh!

    The problem today is I’m mostly just plain fed up. I now have no money, and my plans for this weekend have rather gone to pot – because I daren’t take my car anywhere where it’s not _got_ to go.

    Hopefully they’ll have a alternator in stock for my car – but it’a pain in the arse and it means I can’t go jogging tomorrow am…..because I’ve got to go and find out if they have the alternator – so I can spend tomorrow trying to fit it.

    Argh!

    still, I just had a nice conversation with my ex….

    And apparently the ‘mones are starting to kick in (I’m hungry _all_ the time!)

    Well, we’ll see…

    LOL

    Kate

  • Post entry_106

    11 May 2000, 19:35.21

    Fnarf – how many things can go wrong with one car? Just how many? Arrrghhhh! I think it’s trying to distract me from my split up. I mean – so far we’ve had a service, which included a gearbox link, a new fuel pump (which doesn’t arrive ’til monday), new temperature sender (if I can get one), and now the alternators decided it’s going to die….

    Fnar!

    Apart from that I spent most of the day doing a job a trained monkey could do – converting a text file into nice HTML – made worse by the fact it was a text file from a pdf – and had lot’s of italics & bolds which needed to be reinstated.

    However – at least it was web-design (even if kinda tedious)….I also managed to help someone do something – and I also learned that people are incapable of reading the Help files. They’re one of the few actually good things about Windows, so why don’t they use them?????

    That really bugs me.

    And then I want to teach them how to use any piece of WP software, but they are taught how to use word and that’s all – Arrgh!

    The problem today is I’m mostly just plain fed up. I now have no money, and my plans for this weekend have rather gone to pot – because I daren’t take my car anywhere where it’s not _got_ to go.

    Hopefully they’ll have a alternator in stock for my car – but it’a pain in the arse and it means I can’t go jogging tomorrow am…..because I’ve got to go and find out if they have the alternator – so I can spend tomorrow trying to fit it.

    Argh!

    still, I just had a nice conversation with my ex….

    And apparently the ‘mones are starting to kick in (I’m hungry _all_ the time!)

    Well, we’ll see…

    LOL

    Kate

  • 10 May 2000, 22:29.32.

    Well, the new site’s uploaded – I’m still feeling rather down…but not as bad – I think that may be the effect of the Estrogen!

    Anyway, Nina attempted to kill me yesterday – having just had £183 spent on a service (+ bits)….the intermittent cutting out thing was being a real problem – as in I didn’t get to work, I took the car back to the garage and they (who it must be said were excellent) – they spent the entire day looking at the car and were very honest when they said “we have no idea; nothing is actually wrong”……

    So I have to put up with the fact my car may choose to up and die on me on the motorway…..until (hopefully) monday when the new fuel pump arrives, which might fix the problem.

    I’ve then got more expense as there’s loads of “minor” jobs which also need doing! Arrgggh!

    I had loads more to write, but the mood has just left me – I’m too tired as I’ve spent the entire evening making this site work exactly the way it should!….

    So I think I deserve a break, and some sleep.

    And I’m not really in the mood….

    G’night

    Kate….