17 May 2000, 22:40.26.

Well, the moon is shining after yet another day, and I feel slightly more positive than I have for a while. Not like leaping about/ happy woo-hoo kind of positive, but definately more positive.

I just had a quick chat with a Nikki – and I voiced a statement which passes through my mind fairly frequesntly:

 

“I sometimes feel like I’m sprinting towards it and at other times I just don’t”By which I mean that I know my destiny – I know where I want, no, need to get to – and I know that if I can stay the course then I will get there. Sometimes I have faith in myself to achive it and it feels like I’m moving swiftly towards my goal. But sometimes, and it’s felt like this for the past few days – I’ve felt like I was getting no-where. I was just pushing a rock up-hill and overall getting no-where fast.

This feeling drags me down into depression – but it’s odd because the depression never seems to last the night. Even last night when I felt like complete sh*t, and was on the virge of tears for most of the evening – I still got up this morning feeling happy, although I spent most of the night desparate as I literally couldn’t sleep. I reckon I got somewhere between 6 and 7 half-hour bursts of sleep – with each interupted by me waking up for no good reason.

That meant that I’ve lived the whole day on caffinne and hence am off to bed now…..

g’night….or at least a better one.

Kate.