There was stuff I wanted to write. There was stuff I wanted to say about managing to cheer up after yesterday. I wanted to say what a good time I had last night and how I was truly beginning to feel that maybe I was likeable. I suppose I still do, I’m just very, very down.
I’m not going to go into why I’m down. But I am – and the reasons may become apparent.
Anyway, I’m off to lurk online.
Hmm. I’ve just realised how horribly dependent on the computer I am. This occured because my dad wanted to use the phone for work, and so I handed it over thinking it would be a five minute thing. 30 mins later he’s still using it.
But what struck me is how I used those 30 mins. I changed the cd, went to the loo adjusted the configuration of noachis terra (the mp3 server) so that it should recognise all the memory it’s got and then sat here.
I simply sat here. I ‘spose part of it was thinking that my dad wasn’t going to be on the phone, and the fact that I speak to and am in closest contact with a lot of people online. But for whatever reason I didn’t go and pick up a book. My god – it’s ages since I actually read a bit of fiction for pleasure or even non-fiction for any purpose other than learning Java or Linux. I didn’t sketch something – something I used to do now and then – just draw a landscape from my mind (not that I was good you understand, but I did do it).
I didn’t write to a friend, I didn’t do anything. Infact I hardly ever do anything not computer related. I used to go out and take photographs (the gallery website I set up is a testament to the fact I used to do stuff.
At the moment I do need to do Java, but I didn’t even do that with my time (although to be honest it takes me a little while to get my brain in gear)….It perturbs me that I’ve not done anything with this half (now 3/4 of) an hour. I would not have achieved much in that time – I’ll grant. But perhaps more than nothing.
I’m not quite sure how or what I’m going to do to rectify this. But I feel that I should perhaps try and become more of a rounded person. Okay. Enough….
Good grief! After what seemed like a really, really bad start to the programming day I finally got going about 1 o’clockish. Which isn’t quite the diving in and programming idea I had planned for the day – but otoh seems to have been surprisingly effective.
Despite my slow start I now have a class which scans a string for # or _ and if it finds them will leap into action with a “is it #include?” (which is currently all I’m testing for). This may not seem wildly exciting, but it’s actually something I’ve done. And I’m quite pleased – becuase to extend it to do the other #commands is very, very easy.
The variable search, that could take a little longer to implement – but I’m working on that in my head…..
So, I think that’s genuinely a “whoo” for todays effort….
Only thing is, am I going to be able to do any programming tomorrow….it depends on the tilers who are coming to do the kitchen….see we aren’t sure if they want to have the power off….
Which will ruin my lovely uptime (grr!)…..
Well, just a quick entry because I should be working….doing Java. Actually I’ve only come upstairs and switched on the monitor for that reason. But – yes, I’m all excited; why? Well – I got a letter which has put me in a fantastic mood. My ex-personal-tutor at university really seems to have been doing a lot of work for me – which I didn’t even ask her to do (I’m going to have to go and see her to thank her!).
It appears that I can have a new degree certificate in my new name – all I have to to do is send proof of change of name.
I’m wayyyyyyy happy!
(And I’ve got Red Bull and Dr Pepper in the house, so caffine will be ruling my life for a bit).
And one other thing. My body appears to be changing shape, for despite the fact I’ve not put on weight – nor really noticed any changes some of my jeans are, erm, rather tight…..which is kinda odd.
Anyway. Java….
Update: 1139
Argh!!!! I’m trying to work, but my dad’s at home today – double the interruptions, yes he’s now driving me nuts. He’s switched on the radio in the study – to listen to some channel 4 program. Why is this a problem? The study is opposite my room…..
Gah! Must….Concentrate…..
Well, funny day really. It’s been pouring with rain here all day, except when it stopped to drizzle for a bit….which would normally have got me down…but despite achiving nothing with my day – yes, nothing (largely my own fault; I didn’t get up until 11:30)….I am in a really good mood. I didn’t go anywhere (/me fwaps herself – need to get stuff done!)
Why? well…
Well, I passed. How you may ask, if you didn’t go anywhere?
A UPS delivery bloke (as in parcels delivery bloke) came to the door, bringing with him my lushous Tokyo 2040 DVD, and also a piece of paper requesting Kate….now, he looks at me and says “Kate [lastname]?” and i – who’ve not completed her getting up procedures yet (i.e. shaving) kinda look at him and mumble “yes”…
To which he hands me a parcel, says “could you just sign here please miss” and smiles…
I don’t think I could have smiled any wider! It just made my day. I mean I couldn’t have passed in decent light, but that he took me for female – in my unwashed teeshirt – in which I’d been sleeping and a grotty pair of jogging bottoms….unwashed, unshaven, disheveled, tired….
I can’t get over it…
I also watched Lexx 1.1 today (“I worship his shadow”)…which was very, very cool :) I’m very glad I bought that! Although my new slogan for VHS is: “For those times when you don’t need edges”….
Anyway, yes. So. Tired, underachiving, but happy!
So, what happened I hear you all asking excitedly….well, I would do if there was anyone here….
Where’d you all go? Oh, there was no-one here in the first place…..
Anyway I’m going to witter ‘cos I had an excellent weekend, with a really wonderful person – someone who gave me a big hug on meeting me for the first time (which I really needed….)
So, first impressions? Donna’s a lovely person, and really good company. We spend a lot of time hugging and talking, did Bath (in the rain, yes I did get very wet), and located a great shop – which is infact part of a chain of quite possibly all great shops…
And tho’ it was difficult, Donna was dragged away from the Apple Mac CXII (? – it’s a mac, I have no idea <g>) – and with a similar level of difficulty I was removed from the Laptop, and the Amps, and Donna from the record decks….
Anyway, yes, so that shop will have to be re-visited, as will the one in Bristol :)
Anyway, so yes. I had a thoroughly good time, and…to top it off…located in the Bath MVC was something I’ve seen infrequently, and never had the money to buy…
Largely becuase the items are normally 13.99 UKP each, which I feel is excessive…but this time, this time they were all there, all there in one place at one time….and I had MVC vouchers for the full value of the purchase….so….I bought….
Lexx, the first series :)
So yes, good weekend I feel.
So…what did I get up to today? Well…planned my route to go see Donna (yay! :-), I’ve checked the oil on my car (which much to my pleasure shows no sign of burning any oil….). I also finally got around to doing the photos for the driving licence. Unfortunately you don’t get to see them. Well, I might scan one of the three “rejects”, but unfortunately I’ve demonstrated the fine art of building a partially complete and yet almost totally useless network.
What makes me say this? Well, neither Samba nor NFS has been configured…Samba was my original choice, cos then Windows could see the network (if I were in windows), and so could the RiscPC….
Then when someone said, well, if you don’t worry about windows you could use NFS – which’d be much better – I though, yes. Actually, the RiscPC can do NFS too (I think I had a bit of software which did both NFS and SMB).
Anyway, essentially my network allows me to control the music server, and that’s about it atm. Which is rather a shame ‘cos if I scan stuff it’ll be on the RiscPC….oh well….(gah!)
So, that wasn’t entirely wonderful – nor was the realisation that the printer is no longer connected to the RiscPC and so I ended up retyping my letter to the DVLA just so I could print it….I then spent a long and rather tedious period of time trying to work out why my printer wasn’t printing straight, before realising that the paper guide had moved *mutter*
Anyway, while I was in town I decided to treat myself – so the 20UKP I found under my car finally went towards another Tangerine Dream CD (Force Majeure), and an ex-rental DVD of “East is East”.
So that was kinda fun – and I didn’t get any odd looks so I presume I passed reasonably well :)
However things went a little pear shaped…not very, but one of those nagging “oooh, that’s p*ssed me off” sort of levels. I decided to have a quick looksie at my Rocky Horror Show DVD and was rather upset to discover that it is actually a “region 1” region 1, as opposed to all my other “region 0” region 1 disks….
Not only that but the quality just didn’t seem quite up to other DVD’s of mine….which is rather annoying….And then we get on to the real annoyance…
About half way through East is East (which incidentally, unlike the authors of the cover I wouldn’t describe as “hilarious” – some of it’s funny, a lot of it is very dark humour wise….) the DVD drive started to do the traditional “Your windows install is fseked, please reinstall it before watching any more DVD’s”.
Yes, my untouched install – apart from the SCSI card drivers has gone down the pan!
Sometimes I’m driven to want to destroy all of microsoft. These days it seems to be whenever I’m near an MS “operating system” for more than about 30 seconds. At least linux has only been screwed up by my own ineptitude so far – and it’s yet to have required me to reset it….
Hell, even the old RM P75 seems to be soldiering on (9:15pm up 8 days, 9:52, 1 user) – although it’s only running on 16 of it’s 24 Megs….so I should really reset it – but it’s not like it really needs the ram atm….
So, it can just build up a good uptime!
Anyway, I need to sort out stuff for tomorrow….So…
Eep, I should be in bed!
Anyway, something occured to me so I thought I’d put it down….I was thinking about things which have changed since I started hormones, this was prompted by me noticing that the hair on my body really has changed. I wish the hair on my arms would get thinner…or stop growing altogether (I’m nothing if not hopeful!)…and it’s changed all over pretty much, a fact which has cheered me up…
But it’s not just the physical things that have changed, there’s been a shift in my attitudes to things. For example, I never used to care how I looked. Well that’s not strictly true – I used to care that I looked male, I hated that. I still do. But now I care how I look. I actually make sure I brush my hair before I go out. I’ll very infrequently go out – even just to post a letter – unless I think I look presentable.
It’s kinda odd, but it’s also kind of nice – I think it’s possibly a sign that I’m beginning to care about my body – rather than treating it like sh*t ‘cos I didn’t want to be in it….
Other things have changed too, for example, I actually eat vegetables now, I have salad in my sandwiches! It’s a small thing, but it’s there. I’m self concious about the fact I really am unfit, and quite annoyed there’s not much I can do about it here (being as I won’t go near a gym) – I can’t go running – which is the one thing I used to do – ‘cos living in the middle of no-where has major dissadvantages on the road saftey front.
I also, actually, would like to see daylight, and go outside – which is kinda odd for me! No, it’s not, I used to go hillwalking, but I’d put up with being at home, using the computer for days on end. I’ve done it for 2 days now and I really need to go out tomorrow….
So it’s all good stuff really, I’m probably going to end up more healthy, more fit, and so on….but it’s kind of odd – looking back and knowing how I once was….
Anyway, one other thing. I’ve been considering putting up a bulletin board as part of the site….and I’m wondering if it’ll be worthwhile….
So…if you think it will, or won’t, then give me a shout….
And finally (yes, I’m aware the previous thing was described as “one other thing)….I…actually, this isn’t finally, there’s going to be something after this too!
I’ve been made an op on an IRC network. This is a fairly odd thing to happen – why? Because I’ve very little knowledge of IRC – but scarily people seemed to want me to do it – becuase they think of me as being very unprone to tantrums, which is kinda nice.
It’s odd – but also means that I feel obliged to read up about IRC – lots! And I don’t really have the time to do that…
Argh, it’s midnight….I wanted to get to bed!
Anyway, I just wanted to say a big thankyou to some of my friends who’ve really kept me cheery recently! So, James, Donna, kira, Rachel, Tam, Leah, Martin, and to be honest, most of the people on #icq, #afp and #crafty. Thankyou. I’m very, very, grateful…..
If I’ve missed anyone out, I’m sorry! Remind me! I’ll pop you up too…I know its dangerous doing these thankyou’s, esp when it’s late at night…..so….
I’d also (while I’m in the thanking mood) like to say thanks to all the people who put up with me at uni…..becuase they made what could have been absoulute hell – great fun, for the most part….and they continue to support me now :-)
Sometimes I think I’m very lucky…..
Anyway, I’m really off to bed now…so g’night…
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Kate
Well, I’m being prolific this month aren’t I!
Anyway, pre me actually developing talent, and ‘cos I’ve been saying I’d do various things for ages….first of all, and I’ve been having some problems with this, so this is the current development version….
Next up is some programming….yes. I’ve actually done some. Not much I’ll grant – but I may make available my fine coding to the masses. But I must add the quit on close window code before I do so! I was going to upload it (infact I have) but I’m not going to link to it ‘cos I realised I’d forgotten to add that…and a ‘lil text file to say which of the classes to run!
Anyway, I’m off to do not much, and maybe add that code…
I will learn java. I may have missed the deadline for producing this code by a bit, but it was only 1 hour to add the stuff and get it working – and being as I’d not coded for a month, and the only thing I’d coded for before then was this program I’m fairly happy :)
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Kate
PS. Here’s the program….anagram.tar.gz….it’s really funky, really it is….
Well, as the traditional “please connect at some point tonight” battle begins, how’s my day been? Well, as I said I troddled off to see Nikki today, and (despite her vommish behaviour with her SO (Zoe) ;-) I had an excellent time….
Those behavioral issues aside, and the rather unfortunate Anime incident anyway <g> – actually, the most unfortunate thing about the evil one, sorry, Nikki, forcing me to watch “Oh my Goddess!” was that I’m actually rather keen on this one and may be forced to watch more of it….grrr….
Anyway, that I feel has managed to get me back to levels of “argh!ness” I can cope with…..for a while. Although I’m intrigued to know what the people in Safeway giving out biscuits thought….the actual biscuit-giver-outer gave a bit of an odd look, and the weather on the way back was pretty awful. Didn’t quite reach the levels of my least favourite experience (driving back from work – crested a hill on the M4 only to discover the wind had lifted the car, removed all grip and I was going distinctly rightwards….).
Sorry, being disjointed….well, not literally….Erm, yes. What I was going to say was that I was glad to finally see Nikki smiling. I’ve not seen a great deal of it, and I hope that I’ll see rather more from now on….
So, good luck to Nikki with all that goeth on…
And that’s about it….not feeling terribly cerebral today so….
Addendum, 2027
(Still haven’t managed to connect, grr).
Anyway, I was thinking about what’s made me think more about relationships recently, and there’s a few things (that was going to be a number, but I realised I’d probably end up turning into Monty Python (“There’s Two things that made me think about relationships, X, Y and Z…..Three things, The three things that…..”)).
Anyway, yes, One was obviously the Zoe/Nikki thing – where I was just reminded of the absense of a partner….
But before that, oh yes, someone – infact several people mentioned that the drugs I’m on (their words:) “Make you horny”. Now I don’t know I’d go as far as horny (!), but they have distinctly put thoughts in my mind that weren’t there before….although the other thing they appear to have done is given me my dreams back…
From the fact that people say I sometimes talk in my sleep I presume that I used to dream – but could never remember them at all; now I can sometimes remember them when I wake up – which is cool – it also says some interesting things are going on my psychie….
On a totally unrelated note, to those of us with modem connections – does anyone else go “urk” when they change modem connection – cos the dial sounds wrong? (“Eeek, it’s meant to go up there, not down….”)
Okay, so I’m sad….
What else was there, well, in a blatant advert for another writer I respect I started reading the Tuck stories again. Now this is one of the few series I got into pre-everything. I read this avidly, having stumbled across it on “Fictionmania” back when I actually read fictionmania. Actually, if I’m honest I used to devour the stuff – hoping for the odd realistic story – of which there were a few….
Most of them didn’t really appeal – but there were a few good ones. Unfortunately I never sorted the “good” ones out – but I do still have all the ones I downloaded (except those where I went “Urgh” which tended to get deleted. Those which were crap were just not read again….) on backup disks….
Anyway, yes Ellen Hayes’ Tuck stories still remain as one of the few stories which kept me still, reading, so long that I actually went numb….(others in this catagory: James’ Angels and Vampires story (Sorry, I can’t remember what it is called – but it’s in the dark library) and Ben Elton’s Gridlock – which I red from end to end in one day – not putting it down from the moment I got it to the moment I finished it….).
Anyway, enough advertising….
Actually, I thought I might get a bit more exposure </innuendo> and add myself to a diary writers webring…..
Mmmmm…well, we’ll see…
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