Category: General

It occured to me that in relative terms it’s been a while since I posted. Mostly I’ve been watching the L word (second series), trying to spend what little time I can with my parter, and finishing off putting Rebecca back together. This morning I tried to swap the thermostat housing, which nearly worked, except for my rather sudden discovery that the one I’d spent an hour removing had corroded through it’s alloy casing (which I discovered before I put it on at least), so another 20 quid has vaporised from my life.

Hopefully the hideously kinked hose will hang together until I get a chance to fit the one I’ve just ordered.

Still, it meant that I really did see what a hideous state my old engine was in.

Other than that, work (as in Uni work) keeps me entertained… Just wish I got to spend more time with Trey. I’ve also been thinking about the upcoming court case. If I wasn’t stressed enough I am now (I realise that it’s just a little local court thing, but it’s fricking terrifying) :-/

So, I’ve been watching the second series of the L word, and so far it’s been really good. I miss the original title sequence, the uh “this is the way we live” song just doesn’t do it for me. But the big problem is Trey’s not seen series I, and no one else in the house has seen Series II. So I’ve got no one to talk to about it!

The entire purpose of their feeble little existance is to look at documentation sent by people to confirm it’s validity and correctness.

So why do they say “we need a newer letter… your letter is dated July ’04” (the end of last semester, essentially) – about something regarding the next semester?! WHY!

WHY!?!?

So I can ring them up, apparently, and say, “if you read it you’ll find it’s the award for the ’05 year”. “Oh, yes. We’ll accept that”. WELL OF COURSE YOU FUCKING WILL YOU MORON PEOPLE. That. is. because. it’s. the. correct. fucking. letter. NYARGH. I don’t need this every fucking morning.

Gah. I feel better now.

…or something that isn’t what I feel at the moment.

I’m heartily sick of my life at the moment. I don’t know why. I’m got a fantastic girlfriend, I love nursing, I’ve got a nice house, my bike’s actually running and the car is nearly back on the road.

But at the end of every day, when I come home, when I curl up with my girlfriend at night, I think about money. I think about the red water bill. I think about the credit card bill. I think about the Regolith bill. I think about the huge, all encompassing debts that are running after me like some fucking slavering wolf.

I think about my dad, my dad and his pain, his pain that’s so bad. I think about my mum struggling to deal with my dads illness.

I slept so badly last night. The night seemed to drag on forever, as I woke, every few hours to a sick stress feeling. I’ve got so much fucking work that needs doing. That I should be doing. But I can’t physically do any more than I’m doing. Why can’t this be easy? Why am I doing this to myself.

I had a crappy job that paid me 3.5 k more than I’ll get when I qualify. I *had* that job. I could *easily* have got way more money. I do this because I want to do nursing. But it’s hard. It’s fucking hard right now to keep going.

it’s pretty rare that I can’t sleep. Just can’t. Eventually, normally I can get there.

I’m sure I iwll tonight, in the end. But since the end of my night is 5.5 hours away and another long shift on A&E awaits, I find it all the more frustrating that I can’t sleep. And frustration keeps me awake. I’m scared about money. I’ve still not paid my tax for last year, and the new tax form arrived a few weeks back. Regolith’s broke, and I’ve not actually looked at the letters to Regolith for a while.

The bills keep arriving and my ‘if I can hold it together for another year’ just feels shaky.

Anyway, back to lying and staring at the ceiling.

So, in ten minutes time I’m going to get changed into my rapidly-slightly-waterproofed bike gear; I’m going to get on my little motorcycle, and I’m going to head into my first ever shift at A&E.

I’m scared!

Not only because it’s A&E, but also because they seem really together about students. Everywhere else has kinda let me learn my own way and in a kinda relaxed, chilled out, doing it all but it not always bein visible ’til the end, kinda way.

This time I’ve got to get my act together. That combined with the Regolith disaster area and needing to get my car ready for pride… well. Lets just say there’s lots to do. I’ve still not sorted out the folder from my last placement and the house is chaos. There’s engine bits, piles of paper, unhoovered carpet, dirt, junk, everywhere.

On the other hand I’ve done the letter to my Doctor saying “this is what should be on my repeat prescription” and I’ve voted (by post, for the Lib Dems), oh and I’ve read the placement manual. See I am getting my act together, ever so slowly. So, uh, go me. I think :-)

This weekend we did 1000 miles.

We drove 1000 miles in a transit van collecting engines (and other assorted transmission parts).

I’ve got a 1275cc A+ ital engine sat in my garage (and a gearbox too!).

It turns over. This is good.

I am very, very tired.

Spent my first (induction) day in A&E.

Now I’m going to collapse somewhere, and attempt to read the uh, stuff, about stuff. Or something.

So.

We rented a van. Or more accurately, we said “we want a pickup this weekend”, they said okay, and reserved one for us.

Then when Nikki went to pick it up, no pickup, would we like a seven-seater foldy-downy-seats big car. Uh, “no”, not unless they want it back all nicely greased.

Then…. after much complaining they sourced a brand spanking new shiny van.

Only…. we’re not allowed to get the back of it dirty?!

What kind of fucking van is this? A feather transporter? Who are these people?

Gaaaaah.