Category: General

So, it’s the weekend. Did you notice? I actually hadn’t really noticed; see; I’ve been at work today. I did however work a late and spent the entire morning  watching Kasimasi. And I do mean the entire morning. I’d decided to take the morning off anyway – plan was to walk to the shop with the video camera, see how much they wanted for it, see if it was worth having, head back, relax for a bit, make some lunch, head to work.
Instead, well, I started off just watching episode one. Then I thought ‘hey, I could squeeze in a second one before a shower’. Which stretched to a third one. Then I had the world’s quickest shower, watched a fourth one. Then I made lunch, sat and watched the fifth one while eating. Then; just to round it off, it being a saturday I didn’t have to go in ’til two, so I watched the sixth episode.

Can someone please translate episodes seven and eight? I need them now, please. I’ve got them… in Japanese. Perhaps the solution is for me to learn Japanese. It’d save so much effort.

Of course, this has now kicked of inspiration to watch more stuff. I’ve watched the first episode of Noir which was excellent; and I’ve still got the end of Maria Sama Ga Miteru (apologies for the spelling, too tired to look it up).
Work was okay. Forgot to write someone’s notes (‘doh!’, but one of the other nurses picked it up and did it for me (we were ‘quiet’ again after a period of some busyness). But today – something which almost never happens to me happened. Private life interfered with work. Normally I can keep my private life entirely separate from work, but tomorrow is my mum’s birthday.

I’m going home, and it’ll be horrendous I suspect. My grandfather died on my mum’s birthday (many) years ago (actually, thinking about it harder I think actually he had a massive stroke which left him paralised and unable to speak on my mum’s birthday, and then died a few days later*), and so my dad always had to look after my mum on her birthday. A lot. Recently, while she was looking after my dad it was less of a distressing day.

But tomorrow will, I suspect, be incredibly difficult for us all.

And I just found it eating into my work today, I couldn’t entirely concentrate; it just nibbled at my conciousness like a caterpillar munching on a leaf. I kept pushing the thoughts away and then I’d find myself staring at an assessment or notes and thinking about tomorrow.

Fortunately I’m exhausted, so hopefully I’ll sleep. And the house is less freezing than normal. But it’s still… there.

*My family don’t have much luck with birthdays, incidentally. A couple of years ago, on my birthday my dad collapsed and was admitted to hospital with septicimia. I thought he was going to die that day…

No, really…

(more…)

I’ve been watching The Corporation. It’s scary. Very, very scary.

I know that it’s a advertising is a manipularive and almost omnipresent thing in modern society; but the realisation that individuals running these corporations want us to be greatful for their invasion of our lives, destruction of society and exploitation of third world and poor people… it’s… just bizzare. Watching their justifications, or explanations, of their actions… leaves me feeling very disturbed.

I think people should watch it, it’s very thought provoking.

…is like drawing blood from a fraking stone. Granted I’ve cooked and eaten dinner, watched a zim, while eating dessert and generally taken a bit of a break. But… 200 words in 2 hours? This is taking forever.

I have a horrid feeling this was meant to be written first person, but I’m allergic to writing first person Essays. They’re like diary entries. So it’s been done third person – except that I had to go and convert one paragraph I wrote to third person because – I’m starting to get tired. Yes, I should have started this much earlier in the day. No, I don’t care if you think I’m stupid for not having done so.

2000 words I thought. Easy I thought. Fuck no. Because (a) this is not a normal essay, and (b) 2000 words is simultaneously too short (I can’t waffle) and too long (I keep coming up with very short ways to say things so as to keep it under 2000 words and then finding, like I have at the moment, that I’ve only got 1039). But at least I’ve got 1039. 10 minutes ago I had 877 and felt like putting my head through the screen. Those 200 words, they cost me dear, I’ve been fiddling with it for ages. Hopefully I can now get on with the bloody thing.

For the third time today I’ve forgotten my laundry. Well, I’ve not forgotten it at the moment, but I suspect now I need to fetch it in 2 hours, I’ll forget about it again. I saw it this morning when I got up and shot out the door to get the money for the delivery of the bike frame; I thought ‘I need to put that in to wash’. This being especially important because I’ve not got any clean uniforms apart from “the dress”.

So, I saw it. Thought it. Forgot about it. Then I saw it later, when I nipped to the loo. I thought “Ack, I’ve forgotten about it. I’ll just finish doing whatever it was I was doing and I’ll wash it. I thought that. Then I forgot about it. I hope what I was doing was important. Finally, I went to the loo (guess where the laundry lives…) and thought “Ack! Bloody laundry. I’ll do it now“. Took it out and put it in to wash.

It’s now nearly 5pm, and in the intervening 4ish hours I’ve written nearly 1000 words of essay (short essays are hard, sometimes, because knowing what to exclude is… difficult. Incidentally, I’m thinking I’ve failed IP3. Seriously scared I’ve failed it. Gah. Fucking thing); I’ve been repeatedly debating going to look at the video camera from the shop that’s closing, I’ve read various websites as a break, I’ve drunk coffee and water. Only now do I remember that outside, at about freezing, my washing is sat in the washing machine not magically drying itself.

There’s a faint hope I might remember that my uniforms are in the tumble drier now. It’s so cold out there that the simple process of transferring that  which is tumble-dry-able to the tumbledrier, and that which is not to the radiators left my hands hurting from the cold. So if I don’t remember I’ll be in for an unpleasant dress wearing morning. Perhaps that’s incentive enough. Although the look of shock from other staff is quite fun, but it’ll stop happening if I wear “the dress” too often.

I’m also resisting the urge to go to B&Q and look at paint. I’m resisting it… at the moment.

It’s funny, I’m starting to get more of a hang of things I can do at work; and I’m getting things done. I mean, actually getting patients treatment; rather than passively doing the job – I’m chasing people, getting people tests, getting people scans, getting things moved on.

It’s a good feeling. Even when you’ve had to spend an hour on the phone (probably, overall) spread across 5 phonecalls, you’ve chased everyone, you finally get the person the appointment they need to see the person they need to see and you go and tell them – at which point you get:

“Oh. But my wife’s coming in then”.

Not quite what I wanted to hear…

Still. It’s good. I had 5 patients yesterday? Did I say in my long rant about how crap the universe is? Yes? okay. Well, like I said, I did, and that was good. Today I just had the 3, which was piddlingly easy in comparison. Although I’m still wary about discharges. More practice; then hopefully they won’t be so scary.

This machine is all (for a limited, it’s got the stuff on so I can use it for work / relaxation, but not most of the software I use in my spare time) installed now; which is something to be very greatful for. However, it’s cost me a lot – not financially, but time and energy. And my exhaustion is as great as ever. I don’t feel up to working at all today – so I’ll be doing that tomorrow; and my mood doesn’t really fit with the day.

Things have gone quite well today, but I think the constant tiredness is getting me down – and I like the days when I essentially work ‘with supervision’ more than the days when; like today; I am working with someone. I always feel much more like I’m learning more. Anyway. Enough whining.