Future Tense

So, I have various things impacting on my life at the moment which have the potential to cause me stress. The first and most pressing of these is my university work; this comprises a dissertation – which I should be working on right now (although I think I’ve found yet another paper – something that would bring great joy); the EU packs (because reading about maternity is enough to make you a safe midwife, and reading about kids makes you just as good as a children’s nurse. Yes.), there’s also another assigment and lots of learning outcomes; these are stressing me out less than they should.

There’s the whole Canada thing, which is becoming markedly more stressful – as I realise just how much work I’m setting myself up for. I’m planning to move to a country which won’t recognise my qualification – so I’ll need to take the nurses board exam for wherever I end up, and depending on where I go they may not recognise my drivers licence (fracking BC) so I’d have to take my driving tests again (bike and car, and lose, presumably all my shiny big lorry privilages). Ack, ack. Stress. But that I don’t need to really consider until I’m qualified and (ideally) working because at that point I can start the application process; but right at this moment – everything I read might change before then – so I should really stop trying to research it. I was trying to be prepared, but instead I think it’s probably better to concentrate on other things. Of course, that doesn’t stop the desire to find out what I’m trying to let myself in for appearing.

But the final thing that’s stressing me out is home. Lauren and Chrissy haven’t really brought it up – but they’re lesbians – and lesbians move in together. I think they’re generally taking it fairly slow and chilled – but at some point, probably in the not too distant future Lauren and Chrissy are probably going to want to move in together. This is both a good and a bad thing. I actually, these days, am getting quite used to living more or less on my own. Especially working the shifts I do, which means that even when Lauren’s home at the weekends it’s not even that likely that I’ll see her. It’s quite nice though to have someone to chat to now and then :-)

But the thought is – when she wants to move what will I do – I clearly can’t stay here, in this house, because there’s no way on this entire planet I can afford it. So, I will have to move (sorry James… I am trying I promise). I must look like the dodgiest human on the planet, I never stay in any one place very long. The ‘list of previous addresses’ now looks like my address book. More confusingly my postcodes all have some component shared with the previous one, which leads me to have very little idea which one is which.

I even gave someone the wrong street address, but the right postcode a while ago.

Anyway, that’s by-the-by. I will have to move, but where to, that’s the question.

As I see it, I have three options:

1. Stay in this general area. I’m unlikely to be able to afford Stoke Gifford / Bradley Stoke area (because I don’t really want to share, I’m just selfish like that. Or to put it another way, I’m twenty-bloody-seven, I want a place of my own. Now. God-damnit). So in reality we’d probably be looking at Horfield (mmm, nyum) or similar. This would be much like living here, only not so nice. There’s also some properties in the older bit of Sadley Broke that are cheaper, in fact the whole area’s rather more run down – p’raps there? But this area isn’t really ‘my kind of area’ and infact it’s a bit of a pig for both the BRI and the RUH – my most likely workplaces.
2. Move towards the centre of Bristol. Now here we run into ‘I need a drive and ideally a garage’; most of these houses don’t have that – and I don’t reckon on being able to afford a place that does. Not unless I’m living in the kind of area that makes it a necessity. And being gay in the kind of area that makes it a necessity, well, that doesn’t sound fun. Also, commuting to the RUH would be a pig from there.
3. Move back out into the ‘countryside’ – like Colerne. I adored Colerne, but then I had a partner to adore it with. Being single and stuck in the middle of nowhere with no internet connection sounds like a recipe for a very depressed Kate – so it’d have to be a village with a decent internet connection. ADSL at least. But then I’ll be far away from my friends (John and Nikki/Kate; isn’t it depressing when your entire list of people you regularly see can be summarised in one short bracket?) and hrm, it’s all a bit… worrying for me. Living alone is one thing. Feeling alone is another.

So those are kind of my options. I’m trying to prepare for the future a bit; I’d look into buying a place, my mum would be very happy if I did that – but I’m terrified of getting locked into some Negative Equity situation – and being stuck in the UK when I really want to emmigrate. On the other hand, chucking 4-600 quid away every month does not appeal. Fucknuts. That’s really what I want to say. I have no idea what to do. Everything has benefits and disadvantages, and I’m not sure where to go. One thing is for certain, it’s not a choice I want to make in a hurry.