Well, I thought it was time to write about something….the stuff which is going on in my mind.
However it’s difficult to say when it’ll be uploaded – because the PC has just been (temporarily) upgraded to Windows 98, first edition. Why? Because having spent many moons getting the perfect setup of 95 it all went rather pear shaped – and I had to reinstall the OS. But being a K6-II and me being lazy (beyond the normal cause of duty) – I went the 98 path….oh dear.
Anyway, onto what;s been going on. Well, lets say that my life is becoming a struggle, every morning is a fight to get the will power to make it in. It’s really a struggle even to get up at the moment.
Although I think I’ve won over that one….by the simple step wandering around in my dressing gown until ten minutes before I need to go, at which point I pull on the clothes….
However I’m npt sure how long I can do this – it’s getting seriously stressful, to the point that I am frequently depressed beyond belief by the time I get to work. To the point where I’m nearly in tears driving. This is obviously not the good. Infact I’ve actually decided that the only thing to do is to skip off tomorrow (it was suggested to me) – sick, as I simply cannot cope this week.
Although I’m not at all sure that the being myself will do anything but make it worse.
Now, Kira’s suggested that I should transtition at my current work place, and I would – but for my sister. I would be willing to give it a shot, girls, staff, Tony….all of this I’m willing to try and overcome, but to screw up my sisters life as well if it goes wrong. Well that’s just too much to do.
Although I’d dearly love to – simply because it means that when I move on I get a reference in the right name, and no-one has to know I was ever male….which as far as I’m concerned would be wonderful.
Kira also claims that I look fine, which I don’t believe, at least most of the time. But sometimes I look in the mirror and I definately see a female – which makes me feel much, much happier.
Anyway, one thing that did make me laugh was the Alice cartoon today, particularly the last frame (below)…..
Anyway….
I’m off….g’night.
Kate
