15 May 2000, 23:00.42

Comments Off on 15 May 2000, 23:00.42

Well, let’s just say I feel down shall we.

Yet again I’ve slowly slid down into a feeling of complete depression….why? Well lots of small things.

This weekend was meant to be kinda relaxing in that I arranged to see a friend and do some cooking (which I though’d be a laugh and would allow me not to concentrate on being TS which seems to happen far to much, and also would take my mind of splitting up with Hannah, and the saga of my car). I also took monday off so that I could repair my car (being as I was under the impression that once, just once an order might arrive the day I was told it would.

All of which I’d classify as “good things”. However it didn’t really turn out quite right.

Saturday was lousy. Or possibly beyond lousy. Why? Because I had to do “boy mode” for the whole day. Explain: I started re-building the porch last year in an attempt to help my parents, however time constraints and wood shortage ment that it was periodically put on hold. However the last few bits of wood were purchased on the basis that my ability to look male for the village would decrease rapidly over time and thus we need to finish it soon. However as I stood there sanding a piece of wood I could feel myself becoming more and more depressed.

Then Hannah rang – and we had a row (which is quite impressive for a non-couple) about the fact I had decieded to go out on Sunday – but I don’t think she reaslised just how desparate I was.

That basically was my Saturday.

Sunday, well sunday in many respects went well. The only problem (apart from the near disasterous desert I produced (edible)), was that being called by male pronouns really began to bug me this weekend. Indeed I really find it hard now. Which is unfortunate because I know James tries really hard, and I don’t expect him, or anyone else to get it right all of the time but on top of what happened today it just make me feel more lousy.

I mean I can understand how hard it is – I get the pronouns mixed up, I get them mixed for myself as well sometimes, but it doesn’t make me feel any better.

So, we move onto Monday. Hannah came down, this was stressful. She also managed to use male pronouns (3 times), I had an argument with my mother about wanting to move out, she used male pronouns.

I went to get my car parts, they had arrived. One was incorrect – meaning my car is _still_ off the road, the other may be incorrect (1 in 3 possibility – as the fuel pump is “type a” and there are two other types…however just to make it more fun you can’t tell which type it is until you take the bloody thing off).

Oh, and I got my first rejection from my new jobsearch (which is depressing at the best of times). “Your exprience does not match our requirements”. Have they considered PUTTING they’re requirements somewhere so I could tell??????.

Sh*t, I hate being this low. I feel like I should be happy – I’ve got so much going for me, and here I am moping around.

I think I’ll go and stare at the ceiling a bit more now.



Kate's allegedly a human (although increasingly right-wing bigots would say otherwise). She's definitely not a vampire, despite what some other people claim. She's also mostly built out of spite and overcoming oppositional-sexism, racism, and other random bullshit. So she's either a human or a lizard in disguise sent to destroy all of humanity. Either way, she's here to reassure that it's all fine.