Chats

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heart: treat yo self bank account: please dear god do not do that
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Me: I feel like there are more books every time I come back to the room. Roommate: They’re probably multiplying. You left them alone for…
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Housemate Xed: “SHADES there’s a squirtle in the laundry room!” Me: “HOLY SHIT A SQUIRREL HOW DID IT GET IN THERE I DIDN’T HEAR IT…
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Those historians, you know the ones: but they /can’t/ have had a lover of the same sex. They were married to the opposite sex! They…
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Comments Off on My parents both have celiac disease

My parents both have celiac disease

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My sweetheart being all interested in linguistics: “Oh, so that’s an aglutinative languge!” Me: “Mom and dad can’t have those.” Mom: “We get HIVES.” Dad:…
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People: “0mg… muzik is horrible these dayz… wut would Kert Kobane think if he came bak and saw dis horrible rap musick…” Kurt Cobain: “I…
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me: how many words have i written is it a million is it TWO million word counter: 409 words me: LIES
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Xerox rep: And here above the big paper tray in the feeder unit there’s this secret compartment. Me: Oh, good — we can keep the…
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Media: I have made an article about science. Scientists: You’ve ruined a perfectly good research finding is what you’ve done. Look at it. It’s got…
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General
David Cameron: *cuts £45m from English for Speakers of Other Languages colleges* David Cameron: Muslim women must learn English or leave.
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