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heart: treat yo self bank account: please dear god do not do that
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Me: I feel like there are more books every time I come back to the room. Roommate: They’re probably multiplying. You left them alone for…
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Housemate Xed: “SHADES there’s a squirtle in the laundry room!” Me: “HOLY SHIT A SQUIRREL HOW DID IT GET IN THERE I DIDN’T HEAR IT…
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Those historians, you know the ones: but they /can’t/ have had a lover of the same sex. They were married to the opposite sex! They…
Comments Off on My parents both have celiac disease

My parents both have celiac disease

My sweetheart being all interested in linguistics: “Oh, so that’s an aglutinative languge!” Me: “Mom and dad can’t have those.” Mom: “We get HIVES.” Dad:…
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People: “0mg… muzik is horrible these dayz… wut would Kert Kobane think if he came bak and saw dis horrible rap musick…” Kurt Cobain: “I…
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me: how many words have i written is it a million is it TWO million word counter: 409 words me: LIES
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Xerox rep: And here above the big paper tray in the feeder unit there’s this secret compartment. Me: Oh, good — we can keep the…
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Media: I have made an article about science. Scientists: You’ve ruined a perfectly good research finding is what you’ve done. Look at it. It’s got…
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David Cameron: *cuts £45m from English for Speakers of Other Languages colleges* David Cameron: Muslim women must learn English or leave.