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“Sometimes we may have to modify some of our own freedoms in the short term in order to prevent their misuse and abuse by those who oppose our fundamental values and would destroy all of our freedoms in the modern world,”  – John Reid

Sometimes I’m very scared by the world I find myself living in.

I got offered a post on a gen-medical ward (endo and rheumatology) – this is definately an improvement. That’ll do so.

I really did. But I’ve just reentered a world remenicent of SuSE Linux as I left it 2 years ago:

I want to install a network card. Follow instructions: Edit config files. Discover it doesn’t work. Read manual further; if it doesn’t work install software X. Locate software X. Download software X . Go to compile. Requires software Y (GTK headers). Check install disk. Install disk says lists software Y. Attempt to install software Y. Software Y not on disk – is attempting to download from internet. Obtain software Z makefiles. Software Z is an alternative to software Y. Attempt to install software Z, software Z requires software A. Insert install disk, software A is listed. Attempt to install software A. Software A is not on install disk, it’s attempting to download from the internet.

Are we seeing a pattern here? I apparently need an internet connection to get an internet connection. Am I fed up? Yes.

Am I feeling like continuing to use Ubuntu? No, not really. I’m all of completely unimpressed. If they provided *packages* for the applications that I could download and stick on a CD, then I’d not be quite so pissed, but to make you download the source, copy it across and neglect to mention in their own Wiki that you Need A Fracking Internet Connection to compile the damn software, well, What Is The Point?!

Argh.

Why can’t anyone write operating systems? Why? Why do they all suck quite so royally?

So, given the interview on Tuesday I decided that covering myself in oily gunk that’s hard to remove is probably not the best plan. No, instead, a relaxing evening of experimenting with linux on my laptop. Now, you may not realise this, but my laptop has been a source of some frustration; Windows 98 is not great on the old power management front, and despite being plenty quick enough to play videos, it struggled.

So, I thought, hey, why not try linux. A little while ago I downloaded and burned the shiny Ubuntu 6.06 release. Shiny, I thought. I tried it, eventually worked out that I needed ‘safe mode video’ to get it to boot, but it all worked. Except the Wireless Network Card – which, according to the interweb, would work when configured.
So today I installed it.

First boot: Crash.
Second ‘recovery mode’ boot: Crash
Third boot: Boots! ‘ray! No Wireless though.

So I’ve been sat up here for the best part of an hour attempting to make it work using this page. One of the notable features of this page is that it ends in the middle of a sentance. One of the notable features of my playing with the wireless and Linux is a complete absence of success. I’ve not succeeded in making it work; I’ve not yet installed RaConfig and therin lies another tale. See, I went to copy it from my Desktop (which I was (am) using for internet access, to my Laptop (which I had on my lap in it’s not-networkable state). And see, I noticed something of a quirk.

My PC is now listing only one DVD Drive. Now, unless I’m much mistook, it still has the same 2 drives it had in it yesterday, and indeed this morning. So, it’s clearly some sign of a sickening which appears to be worstening. Currently I’m down my e-mail, my laptop ain’t working and now my PC appears to be dying more rapidly than previously considered. I am, it must be said, a mite fed up with computers at the moment. I’m also trying to hold my patience with linux, which appears to be in much the same state as it was when I left 2 years ago. I don’t *want* to fiddle with config files. I have no desires in those directions. I want to have the ability to, sure. I like knowing that I can open a console and tinker away. But I don’t want to *need* to do it. It’s frustrating. If my network card was exotic and interesting I might be more inclined to be generous, but having no configuration utility for wireless networking as standard, despite supporting the card? That’s shite that is. Especially since it appears to have been supported _on install_ for 2 versions.

*Sighs*

And of course, now my PC won’t write CDs. Ratted bastard thing.

I am terrified. I’m not normally terrified, but having failed once, I’m now really unsure about these essays. But I’ve just e-submitted them, I’ll be posting the final submissions through the boxes at UWE tomorrow morning (they’re not open now). And frankly, I’m scared witless, there’s relief, sure, but it’s tinged with OHMYFUCKINGGODness. Which is bad.

I’m thinking though, the way to chill out is probably…. to go and take a motorcycle to bits. I was thinking about doing things to my laptop though. Hrm. Choices choices.

Well, hopefully. Thing is, I’m still not sure if this is what they want, is it too descriptive? Does it truly evaluate anything? Problem is, I’m sick of it. I was sick of it when I first wrote it, I think it’s “a load of old shite”, and this time round I’m still sick of it. I’m less of a mess, but I’m still sick of it.

I’ve actually re-written the last 300 words today, to make it more evaluative in those 300 words, but to be honest, a big chunk of it is taken up with what it describes as Introduction, Implementation. My Evaluation and Conclusion are somewhat shorter. But I can’t think of any other ways to assess a teaching session.

*sigh*

The session is based on the best evidence currently available, it’s neat, it’s a good session, well recieved, etc, etc. Beyond a questionaire and so on, how do you assess it. I suppose I best get on. There’s words that need writing.

So I went to the interview; lovely hospital, nice staff, looks like a nice ward. Interesting area, definately good. I think it went quite well, in so far as I can tell – I felt that I connected well with the staff, the answered the questions fairly well – of course I thought of better answers once I’d gone; but yes, definately.

I’ve got *another* health form to fill in and, yeah, I’m knackered. 2 and a quarter hours to get there (would have been an hour and a half but for the *huge* ass diversion which took me miles out of the way; I actually got to the point of thinking I’d moved from insanely early to ridiculously late… in the end I got there with 15 minutes to spare though).

The drive back was a bit more hideous. 2 and a half hours – long stretches of slow traffic on the motorway… I am, officially, knackered. It’d’ve been alright if it wasn’t so hot.

And I’ve come home to a moderately cryptic response to my partial essay that I sent to be looked at. I say ‘moderately cryptic’, because I’m not *quite* sure what I’m meant to take from it. I *think* he’s saying it’s going in the right direction but needs some tweaking. Which is good. But then there’s some points and a document he’s attached that I don’t entirely follow what I’m meant to do with the information from. But hey. I’m going to leave that for when I’m feeling more awake, because the driving, well, it’s tired me out. Well, the driving, and the heat.

Oh, and the 10 fracking quid for a sandwich, a yoghurt, a packet of chips [sic] and a coffee. What the hell?! If they were all organic ingredients, hand picked and carried from the field by unicorns with tack made from hand twisted gold threads on carts made from clouds I might consider 4 quid for a baguette a fair price, but given that it appeared to be incredibly average I feel somewhat agrieved paying such prices.

Ah well.

So, I’m at the end of my nursing course – as I’m sure you’re all painfully aware. I have two essays to resubmit, one of which I’m now fairly certain is a pass, at least (“I’m amazed at how much better this essay is” although I’m not sure if I’ve included how much reflection is a change agent, I’m letting that remain for ponderance). Anyhow, so that’s one I’m not so stressed about.

Essay 2, the Critical Evaluation in Causing Me Disasters essay, that I finally gave up on getting anything from Rod Ward, maybe he’ll e-mail me tomorrow, maybe not, maybe he’s on holiday? Who can say. Anyhow, eventually I rang this chap on the course who informed me that he could review it quickly – which is kind of him, but somehow, the repetition of ‘well, I am very busy, I can only give it 10 minutes’… it kinda made me feel small. The talk about being the module leader on a big-other-module, well, whoopee; this is the *END OF MY FRACKING COURSE*.

Ironically, the NP5 essay, the one I felt most cheated over, that’s the one I’ve got loads of support and help from. The Critical Eval one, the one which I thought was a bit of a ropey essay in the first place, that one I can’t get any help on. Or very little. I’ve e-mailed the module leader, the senior lecturer, I had no idea that Clare was on the team for that one… she would have provided some help – be it damning or not – but… hey.

I can’t wait until Monday evening, all this will be over, then it’s just money stress, job stress and house stress. Feh.