Category: General

9^th March 2002, 18:46

Laziness….

Which
Rock Chick Are You?

—

Kate E

6^th March 2002, 17:34

Blurgh, for some reason I’m feeling appauling this afternoon. Well, early
evening. Blurgh.

Anyway, so, what’s to report? Well, the ‘zed is back on the road – did I say
that already? Let’s check. No, right, well, I got the evil little sod back on
the road – did about 50 miles before something else went wrong – the exhaust
came off….again.

Anyway, so, we think we’ve tracked it down to the exhaust being in slightly
the wrong orientation, so hopefully that’s sorted. I’ve also had a few bouts of
water in the petrol, which isn’t exactly what I’d like to have, but it’s at
least fairly easy to cure.

Drained the last few microdrops out of the tank and a large chunk of it was
water…..which explains the running problems, but doesn’t really answer how it
got there – I’ve now tried the original MZ tank lid and the Burwin replacement
and they both seem to leak. Anyway, so, I’ll be adding a bit more to the MZ
pages soon, maybe even get around to writing about some of the experiences….

Hrm, I really don’t feel very well. Headachey, eyestrainey….

Anyway, so, we’ve had some car related issues – the mog’s heater has expired
in a major way, so that’s waiting until next week when she’ll go down for a new
heater, and the golfs water pump has died. Not entirely suprising, I’ve been
aware that it’s been “a bit knackered” since shortly after I bought the car, but
never replaced it on the basis that it still worked. But the bearing’s now given
up – so she’s off the road too…

Anyway, so here’s a couple of pictures of the mog: Rebecca, picture 1 & Rebecca, picture 2. Looking good eh?
:-)

Blurgh.

Definately unwell, lack of sleep that is, I think. Maybe. Had to get up early
to go and see the bank – regolith now
has a bank account – and an overdraft…..also been hastling estate agents,
which is not that much fun. Actually it’s tedious.

Ah well, if it’s not sorted out by the end of the week we’ll start looking
elsewhere…which is annoying. You’ll all have noticed that I’ve still not got
around to doing the transfer of the files from the iPAQ, this is mostly because
I’m lazy.

So, you’ll have to wait.

Mmm.

Blurgh.

I’d just like to share with everyone something I’ve discovered over the past
few days; KOffice sucks. It’s complete crap. I mean, a DTP/Word processing
package that can’t even print for god’s sake. It’s just ridiculous.

Gah.

Anyway, so I’ll be doing lots of stuff on Xara X (windows software, *spit*),
and probably go back to using OvPro for our stuff, on the basis that it works
extremely well. It’s a bit sad really having to use a what, 5 year old machine
for doing DTP because it’s better than anything else we’ve got.

So, we’ve got nearly all of a studio. We’ve paid for all of a studio, bar a
building.

Blurgh.

I think I’ll stop now…oh, news: got to take my bike test on the 18th, and
the Bikes MOT on the 19th.

—

Kate E

28^th Feburary 2002, 12:55

So…what’ve I been up to which has kept me from writing diary entries? Well,
now you can see for yourselves…www.regolith.co.uk.

I promise I’ll write more stuff, and that should be the only bit of shameless
self promotion, at least for a little while…. ;-)

—

Kate E

22^nd Feburary 2002, 08:29

Christ that was scary. I just had a dream, an insanely vivid dream in which
someone I dearly care about died. She knows who she is, because I instantly came
onto irc to try and find her.

I don’t think I’ve been so terrified for quite a while. I wanted to throw up
I was so scared…..

—

Kate E

19/02/02, 12:46

Well, it’s not actually 12:46, but the clock on my iPAQ is a bit out and I’m not quite sure what the actual time is.

Anyway, I’ve been insulting this bottle of cranberry for the last five minutes – saying really derogatory things about it, but I don’t seem to be able to depress the lid so I guess I can drink it. It was quite a nice day when I started writing this, but, well, it’s gone rather grey and quite cold..:

Is the presence of E160(c) (smoke flavour) in these Cajun Chicken Louisiana Style Wrap due to some louisina influence or is it the cajuns who are responsible? Hrm…..

I think it’s time to find somewhere warmer, away from the seagulls….

13:20, Bill’s cafe in Bath

Hrm, free advertising….actually, this appears to be a trucker/mechanics cafe, and the tea is lousy….never mind. Probably give Russell Reid a heart attack seeing me here, black jeans, bike boots, bike jacket, no bra, copy of Ride magazine in front of me….

Ah well, dry and warm….

‘s odd being in Bath, what with Donna-related memories and so on….actually I came here once before, for my mums OU course…..old memories.

So, the Mogs in the mog centre – hopefully she’ll come back leak free – I’ll head back in a bit….see how they’re getting on…it’s sort of trying to rain. Lauren’s doing her CBT at the moment. Worrying about her, I really hope she passes this time….still got my bike to rewire…

Anyway, I went to see Hannah a couple of days ago, Friday actually. Which was interesting.

[09032002 – at this point I went back to the mog centre, and my Rebecca was actually already ready – so I didn’t finish this entry…]

—

Kate E

17^th February 2002, 14:00

Yes, I am still alive….

I have actually got a couple of diary entries waiting on my iPAQ, and tbh,
I’m not really in the mood to write anything wildly exciting right now –
although maybe I should, but for some reason nedit’s decided that it doesn’t
want to let me use the cursor keys….

Not sure why, can’t really be bothered to work it out right now…

It’s been “a while” since I last wrote anything in here, I guess I’ve just
had a lot on my mind – what with my dad being ill, although I think, maybe,
hopefully he’s getting better. Maybe. I hope.

Certainly when I went to see him with Lauren, he looked so much better
than he has for months. For the first time in months he was talking without
coughing. I guess that’s given me some hope.

I also picked up Rebecca who’s page
I’ll have to update – although the mog centre forgot a few things one of which nearly
lead to me blowing up a radio-cassette….the other of which has lead to some
water ingress, and some water leaking from the coolant system. Still, I’ll take
her down in the morning on Tuesday….Hrm, doing an online update in the
background, keeping this machine nice and happy…

That reminds me, I just fixed an A4000S (ARM 250/2Mb of RAM) that k picked up
yesterday. Was just a broken track in the end….

Needs some software and a mouse really, but still, it’s working at least.

Ooops, just spent 20 minutes trying to find out about the A4000S, well, more
acurately trying to find a page I could link to, but I can’t, so, well, sod
that.

So, I’m sat here catching up on other peoples diary entries, well, to be
honest mostly Jennys and Amys, and that’s really about it….

Anyway, so:

The great linkback idea

Everybody who writes weblogs/journals also reads them.
Almost. So as an experiment to see how far this goes
I’m trying to get everyone who reads this, and also writes a
journal to link back to the first place they saw it.

In this case, http://amy.shacknet.nu/cgi-bin/diary.pl?action=show&comment;=123

Do this by either taking the code from this site (View source,
copy, paste, post) or grabbing it from http://www.aquarionics.com/fun/linkback.php
and editing it. Lets see how far this can spread.

So, that’s for Amy there….

I’ve actually not been using the computer nearly as much recently – outside
of doing the website for the new business….which I’ll link to as soon as it’s
finished :-)

I think this is a good thing, but I’m not sure….

I really should be outside fixing my bike, but I’m trying to give my self a
bit of a rest. No, I’ll go and do it in a bit, I’ve been resting quite enough
recently.

Hrm, Opera just crashed, that’s probably my cue to leave….

I’ll try and stick the other two entries up soon….before you all get too
bored… :-)

—

Kate E

15/02/02, 02:30

Well, you’re probably wondering what the hell’s been going on with me, I mean it’s been ages since my last entry, and I’ve not even put up the one I did on the second of february – at least as I write this I haven’t. Probably alienated half the readers with this huge break….

It’s not actually deliberate, I just don’t seem to have time to write this stuff down at the moment – not that I’m not still having weird thoughts….

I guess I can do more plain rambley stuff by leaving huge gaps between entries. Anyway so, I’ve not healed yet – which is moderately depressing – I mean, okay, major op and it’s only really 4 months since the op, but I expected myself to at least have a complete layer of skin by now. I do seem to be healing just very slowly.

What’s really annoying about it, no, scratch that, it’s all really annoying. One of the annoying things is that it doesn’t seem to matter what I do. I can spend a chunk of my day reorganising a garage, or I can just go to sleep. I’ll still bleed just the same.

Anyway, so, I’ve been pottering around in Rebecca which is incredibly different to driving the Golf (nina). Shockingly she’ll actually, happily keep up with modern-day motorway traffic, although it’s an entertaining experience. Sadly my dad’s not currently able to look at her, he still being in hospital.

Although, I at least am feeling a bit more hopeful of a “positive” outcome – as far as cancer can ever have a positive.

Okay, so I’m generally a fairly sceptical individual, but this is a little odd: When my parents moved into their current house the ‘seasonal’ river hadn’t flown for two years. On the very day they moved in it poured with rain, and by the evening it was flowing. So, it then flows almost continuously for 5 years. This year, it’s usual winter / spring break of a couple of weeks extends. People are suspecting that it’s not going to flow at all. My dad comes back from hospital for one day…and it starts flowing. So anyway that was what happened – and I thought that was ‘a bit of a coincidence’. He wasn’t meant to be going home for one day but he crashed (got majorly worse very suddenly) and ended up back in hospital.

Which was the stuff of my nightmares. But by the time I got to see him he’d actually improved to being better than he has been for weeks.

Apparently he’s holding steady with the chemo (which is excellent news). So I guess I’m feeling a touch more relaxed – which is why I’ve had to find something else to stress me. In this case it’s waiting for my oldest friend to ring me & meeting up with my ex, Hannah.

So – I seem to have had a bit of a flurry of e-mail…I wonder who’s linked to me. Still it’s cool……

Oh, and k’s sussed linux on the IPaq so it should soon be bye bye WinCE…..

—

Kate E

03/02/02, 17:02

Well, it’s been a while since the iPAQ was used for doing diary entries…but I’m currently sat in a hospital room, my dad’s, while my dad sleeps – my mum’s here as well. He is looking much better than last week, and even better than the week before – mostly thanks to my mothers pro-active approach to hospital care.

I suppose I’ve reverted to being less scared about my dad, or possibly more hopeful, I’m not sure which it is. When I came here last week it seemed likely that it might be my lasn chance to see him. I was really struggling to cope – because the last thing my mother needs right now is for her to have to deal with me falling apart. This week things seem more hopeful; he’s eating again and there’s even tentative suggestions of date to go home….

This, I suppose, has relaxed me somewhat, but like friday night, I’m feeling this complete inability to relax. I feel very tense, wound up….

So, it’s been ages since I wrote anything. Well, quite a while anyway….I’m trying to think of all the things I should ramble about. My Morris Minor, Rebecca is finished, apparently, I’m off to pay for the restoration next week….as of yesterday Nina’s also back on the road…it appears that my local garage let me down rather badly, they said the golf needed welding, but apparently it didn’t – but anyway, new petrol tank, filler neck and coil spring (123ukp including fitting….) and we’re almost ready for the MOT. Still need an exhaust fitted, but ATS wanted a staggering amount for that….

Further oddities regarding my cars engine….(you remember, the registered as a 1500, no engine number, stamped 1.6, takes 1600 timing, requires a rare gearbox), apparently it’s got the 1500 exhaust….makes you wonder about it really…

So, that was an entertaining afternoon; haring around bristol’s environs trying to sort out car related stuff….

But what of friday, the day I couldn’t relax….what happened?

Sometimes my dads speech is slurred…he seems to be so tired all the time….it scares me….mind you, seeing him eat, that’s good….

Back to friday, lots of things, anyway I was taking Lauren back to her parents whilst simultaneously going for my post op appointment with the illustrious Mike Royle….the weather forecast for the day was fairly dismal, actually it was awful, rain and gales were expected.

So annnnyway, we’re heading down to Brighton in the ropey Cavalier (anyone want to buy it? No? Thought not….) chatting, and it occurs to me, again, that there’s something odd about some of the conversations with Lauren. When she’s talking to me I usually get very strong images in my head, it feels like memories, it’s hard to explain; they’re very strong images – like really strong memories, which feel familiar, but at the same time I can’t explain where I’ve seen them – or even if I’ve seen them.

Although the answer to the really strong owl-esque image that popped into my head when we were talking about owls (I’ll maybe explain some other time about that) – i.e. where I’d seen it, or at least what my brain has filled in as the remainder of the image has just come to me – although whether I’m really remembering something or whether I’m just imagining stuff, or making it up, or if they’re images from a dream….I can’t tell.

Incidentally, the answer is, large, very, almost artificially clear owls face looming, definately looming over me when I was in bed in Westridge Close. It’s bizarre, when we were first discussing it, in the car a while ago, all I saw was the face of an owl. Well, it was a slightly ‘humanisied’ owl (I can’t really explain what I mean). Anyway I’d not thought of it since then, except to think it was a bit odd that this image lept so strongly into my head, until I was writing this when the “whole” image lept into my mind complete with background and all….

Accompanied by almost heart stopping terror, which, as quickly as it came went away.

I’ve completely lost the thread of what I was thinking about. I have a feeling that this was a tangent to it, but I’m really not sure…hang on…..

Okay, so Lauren and I are having these odd conversations where I get lots of images in my head…and we get down to Brighton, for my Royle appointment. Having got there a mere 5 minutes late (we’d’ve been on time if it weren’t for Brightons ‘don’t signpost any B-roads, ever’ policy). Having checked me over, prodded and poked a fair bit and the great:

[prod] [sharp intake of breath by me] [“oh, you have got sensation”]

He proclaimed me probably okay. But to come back if the slight bleeding I get hadn’t dissappeared in a few weeks.

Anyway, so we got to Brighton and the weather was not exactly as forecast – i.e. it was dry. Windy, yes, but also dry. Aaaarrrggghhh! I don’t have my camera with me purely because I thought it’d be raining hard all day.

Lauren and I wandered down Palace/Brighton pier ending in one of those fantastic moments.

Kissing on a pier with the wind roaring around us….

So, I’m slowly going nuts ‘cos I just keep seeing pictures I want to take, and eventually I decide to go and find a cheap second hand SLR. Having located an Ifbaflex T1000 (nasty cheap 70s Japanese SLR) I then ran through 73 photographs with amazing speed….and Lauren even put up with this appaulingly antisocial behaviour!

Anyway, this all left me rather hyper, if you know what I mean, and by the time I’d got home, the Cav really didn’t like that journey, mind you the rain probably washed off the worst of the salt…

Incidentally, driving the Golf’s reminded me just how bad-er driving experience the Cav really is. I’m not convinced it’s that bad for a cavalier, I just suspect they’re incredibly dull cars.

….I really just couldn’t relax….which is how I am at the moment….

—

Kate E

20^th January 2002, 08:30

I have this little box in my head. Well, it’s quite a big box. Silver it is.
Metal corners, probably wooden in the middle, I’m not sure what it’s made of
exactly, I’ve never looked that closely. And since it’s just an image I’ve
counjoured up. Well, I don’t know how much the details matter.

This is the box where I put all my problems. All the things I can’t deal
with, all the things which I don’t have the strength to work out, or which are
causing me problems.

Other people seem to use walls, for much the same purpose.

Some days though, it gets hard to put that stuff in there. It seems to always
be very full, and I’m always trying to squash the lid on and hold it on lest
something get out. It’s always a fight to keep it shut, because when it does
open and it’s something I’m not ready to cope with – it’s usually bad.

It’s trying to open again. Well, maybe it’s just getting too full.

My dad’s ill, well, obvious that, he’s got cancer, he’s going to be ill. But,
no, he’s more ill. They’re maybe going to have to take him into hospital again,
because he can’t eat, or drink at the moment.

I guess I was and am trying to be optimistic, it’s the only way I can survive
I guess – just by being optimistic. But, whenever anything bad happens it hits
really hard.

I don’t know whether I should be preparing for him to die, and I don’t want
to, because if I start to try to do that I just fall apart. And I need to be
there for my mum, and my dad, should he want to talk.

Sometimes, coping is all I can manage to do. Now is one of those times.

—

Kate E

17^th January 2002, 00:41

Hrm, it seems my brain has decided to have a go at me. One of it’s usual
speeches. As you can probably tell, it’s not really got to me yet, I guess I’m
not tired enough, I’m just hoping that it’ll not get to me later….

—

Kate E