03/02/02, 17:02
Well, it’s been a while since the iPAQ was used for doing diary entries…but I’m currently sat in a hospital room, my dad’s, while my dad sleeps – my mum’s here as well. He is looking much better than last week, and even better than the week before – mostly thanks to my mothers pro-active approach to hospital care.
I suppose I’ve reverted to being less scared about my dad, or possibly more hopeful, I’m not sure which it is. When I came here last week it seemed likely that it might be my lasn chance to see him. I was really struggling to cope – because the last thing my mother needs right now is for her to have to deal with me falling apart. This week things seem more hopeful; he’s eating again and there’s even tentative suggestions of date to go home….
This, I suppose, has relaxed me somewhat, but like friday night, I’m feeling this complete inability to relax. I feel very tense, wound up….
So, it’s been ages since I wrote anything. Well, quite a while anyway….I’m trying to think of all the things I should ramble about. My Morris Minor, Rebecca is finished, apparently, I’m off to pay for the restoration next week….as of yesterday Nina’s also back on the road…it appears that my local garage let me down rather badly, they said the golf needed welding, but apparently it didn’t – but anyway, new petrol tank, filler neck and coil spring (123ukp including fitting….) and we’re almost ready for the MOT. Still need an exhaust fitted, but ATS wanted a staggering amount for that….
Further oddities regarding my cars engine….(you remember, the registered as a 1500, no engine number, stamped 1.6, takes 1600 timing, requires a rare gearbox), apparently it’s got the 1500 exhaust….makes you wonder about it really…
So, that was an entertaining afternoon; haring around bristol’s environs trying to sort out car related stuff….
But what of friday, the day I couldn’t relax….what happened?
Sometimes my dads speech is slurred…he seems to be so tired all the time….it scares me….mind you, seeing him eat, that’s good….
Back to friday, lots of things, anyway I was taking Lauren back to her parents whilst simultaneously going for my post op appointment with the illustrious Mike Royle….the weather forecast for the day was fairly dismal, actually it was awful, rain and gales were expected.
So annnnyway, we’re heading down to Brighton in the ropey Cavalier (anyone want to buy it? No? Thought not….) chatting, and it occurs to me, again, that there’s something odd about some of the conversations with Lauren. When she’s talking to me I usually get very strong images in my head, it feels like memories, it’s hard to explain; they’re very strong images – like really strong memories, which feel familiar, but at the same time I can’t explain where I’ve seen them – or even if I’ve seen them.
Although the answer to the really strong owl-esque image that popped into my head when we were talking about owls (I’ll maybe explain some other time about that) – i.e. where I’d seen it, or at least what my brain has filled in as the remainder of the image has just come to me – although whether I’m really remembering something or whether I’m just imagining stuff, or making it up, or if they’re images from a dream….I can’t tell.
Incidentally, the answer is, large, very, almost artificially clear owls face looming, definately looming over me when I was in bed in Westridge Close. It’s bizarre, when we were first discussing it, in the car a while ago, all I saw was the face of an owl. Well, it was a slightly ‘humanisied’ owl (I can’t really explain what I mean). Anyway I’d not thought of it since then, except to think it was a bit odd that this image lept so strongly into my head, until I was writing this when the “whole” image lept into my mind complete with background and all….
Accompanied by almost heart stopping terror, which, as quickly as it came went away.
I’ve completely lost the thread of what I was thinking about. I have a feeling that this was a tangent to it, but I’m really not sure…hang on…..
Okay, so Lauren and I are having these odd conversations where I get lots of images in my head…and we get down to Brighton, for my Royle appointment. Having got there a mere 5 minutes late (we’d’ve been on time if it weren’t for Brightons ‘don’t signpost any B-roads, ever’ policy). Having checked me over, prodded and poked a fair bit and the great:
He proclaimed me probably okay. But to come back if the slight bleeding I get hadn’t dissappeared in a few weeks.
Anyway, so we got to Brighton and the weather was not exactly as forecast – i.e. it was dry. Windy, yes, but also dry. Aaaarrrggghhh! I don’t have my camera with me purely because I thought it’d be raining hard all day.
Lauren and I wandered down Palace/Brighton pier ending in one of those fantastic moments.
Kissing on a pier with the wind roaring around us….
So, I’m slowly going nuts ‘cos I just keep seeing pictures I want to take, and eventually I decide to go and find a cheap second hand SLR. Having located an Ifbaflex T1000 (nasty cheap 70s Japanese SLR) I then ran through 73 photographs with amazing speed….and Lauren even put up with this appaulingly antisocial behaviour!
Anyway, this all left me rather hyper, if you know what I mean, and by the time I’d got home, the Cav really didn’t like that journey, mind you the rain probably washed off the worst of the salt…
Incidentally, driving the Golf’s reminded me just how bad-er driving experience the Cav really is. I’m not convinced it’s that bad for a cavalier, I just suspect they’re incredibly dull cars.
….I really just couldn’t relax….which is how I am at the moment….
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Kate E