Category: General

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08/22/2002 Archived Entry: “Amused me (so it did)”

Well, this amused me…a tad excessive (worksafe)

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08/20/2002 Archived Entry: “ookay”

Ookay, not everything about norway sounds wonderful….

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08/20/2002 Archived Entry: “Kate==Useless moron”

Kate==Useless moron

At least that’s how I feel. For all the jokes, for setting my keyboard to Norwegian, and so on I’ve only just managed to make it to chapter 2 of “Norwegian in 3 months”. I just feel so hopeless, I mean, I struggle with language at the best of times (yes, yes, I know I used to be a technical writer, and an okay one apparently) but…..I just don’t feel like I’m making any progress. And it sucks.

And you know what the worst thing is? Knowing that I used to be much brighter. Knowing that there was a time where if I’d set my mind to it (as I’m trying to do now) I’d’ve actually been able to learn it. But right now I just feel so fucking *useless*. It’s all gone y’know. I just don’t feel like I can *do* or *learn* anything anymore.

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08/20/2002 Entry: “All about me….”

Another survey…..

APPEARANCE
hair: Medium length dark brown (almost black) hair.
eyes: Brown.
height: 5’6″ish.

STYLE
clothing: Most commonly Jeans and teeshirt, or bike gear. Occasionally very smart

RIGHT NOW
wearing: Black Jeans, Black teeshirt, White jumper.
listening to: Faith and the Muse – Annwyn, Beneath the Waves
thinking of: Amy, Norwegian and my lack of ability in the language.

LAST THING YOU
bought: 2 pints of semiskimmed milk (for tea).
ate & drank: Tea (white, no sugar, from my Xebec mug)
read: Norwegian in 3 months, or High Fidelity, depending.
watched on tv: Oh jeeze, dunno. Erm. News 24.

EITHER / OR
club or houseparty: Houseparty
tea or coffee: Both, but Coffee’s more my style
achiever or slacker: Slacker
beer or cider: Becks, not wussy american beer…or cider.
drinks or shots: Shots
cats or dogs: Cats
pen or pencil: Depends on what for…
gloves or mittens: Gloves
food or candy: Food
cassette or cd: CD
coke or pepsi: Pepsi (pah, not as good as Doctor Pepper!)
hard or mild alcohol: Depends on my mood
matches or a lighter: Lighter (Zippo clone)

WHO DO YOU WANT TO
kill: No one
hear from: Dunno

LAST PERSON YOU…AND WHEN?
touched: Rachel
talked to: Rachel
hugged: Rachel
kissed: Jasmine

WHERE DO YOU
eat: Anywhere except Domino’s pizza and McDonalds.
dance: House, Club, Shops, Restaurants, Parties….
cry: Wherever I’m alone
wish you were: Norway

HAVE YOU EVER
Dated one of your best friends? Yes
Loved somebody so much it makes you cry? Yes
Drank alcohol? Yes
Done drugs? Yes
Broken the law? Yes
Ran away from home? No
Broken a bone? No
Cheated on a test? Only by accident
Played Truth Or Dare? Yes
Kissed someone you didn’t know? Yes
Been on a talk show/game show? No
Been in a fight? Yes
Ridden in a fire truck? No
Been on a plane? Yes
Come close to dying? Yes
Cheated on your Boy/Girlfriend? No, but I’ve come close.
Gave someone a piggy back/shoulder ride? yes
Eaten a worm/mud pie? No
Swam in the ocean? Yes
Had a nightmare/dream that made you wake up? Yes

WHAT IS
The most embarrassing CD in your collection? Ride.
Your bedroom like? Complete chaos, atm.
Your favorite thing for breakfast? Fried breakfast, cooked by my dad.
Your favorite thing for lunch? Baguette from the sandwich shop up the road
Your favorite thing for dinner? Don’t really care, as long as it’s eaten with someone I care about.
Your favorite Restaurant? Pizza Express

ARE YOU
A vegetarian?: No
A good student?: Appauling, in every way.
A good singer?: God awful
A good actor/actress? Okay I think.
A deep sleeper?: Fairly
A good dancer?: Is the “side to side stepping dance” good?
A good artist?: Average, maybe.
Shy?: Yeah.
Outgoing?: Yes, when I know people.
A good storyteller?: Lousy.

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08/20/2002 Archived Entry: “”

Fuck.

Replies: 2 comments

Thanks Alexa….feeling a bit more together now.

Posted by KateE @ 08/22/2002 12:19 PM GMT

*hugs*

Posted by Alexa @ 08/21/2002 02:28 PM GMT

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08/19/2002 Archived Entry: “It seems like you’re a million miles away”

All up for a round of name that tune? This is what happens when I go home, well, used to happen. I’ve just brought my aged Amplifier back from Newbury to Brizzle to replace the one Jasmine is taking away.

Although it turns out she’s not taken her amplifier yet.

So, as you might guess I went home this weekend….and found some bad news awaiting me. I’d not correctly understood my mum’s rather confused phonecall after my dad’s scan. The scan is no-where near as positive as I thought it was. It was actually a “no change” scan. Nothing has changed, although the treatment seems to have got rid of the bloodclots (of which there were several), and thus my dad seems much more up and about…..but this means that although the chemo is stopping things getting worse, they’re not yet getting better….

*sigh*

Which is not really the sort of thing that goes well after, well, the misunderstood previous report. So. Anyway, spend the day meandering around the house, trundling my mum around Newbury and finally finishing the modifications to my amplifier that I started when I was at University. Yes. Another quality unfinished job by Kate, still it’s sort-of-done now, although it took me several hours to work out that I was right about which cables were which (it’s a hideous massive kludge in there, including some hardboard and a plastic bag….). It also took a chat with my dad to sort out the resistor values for the potential divider. After all these years he still shocks me… I ask him (he’s half asleep) what resistor values he reckons would be about right for this amplifier (bear in mind he’s only heard me describing the distortion I’ve got, becuase I was moronic and over tired and probably in a manic phase in which the quality of my work went down, but quantity went up when I started this job 5 years ago and I can’t be arsed to take it all to pieces.

Anyway, so, he answers and he’s right. And so I finish it.

And at the moment it works.

Anyway, before that we watched The English Patient – which I was suprised to find I enjoyed. Lots. I thought it was a beautiful film.

And having repaired the amp I watched Perfect Blue. Perfect Blue is the first anime film I’ve watched which has seriously disturbed me and had me jumping and nervous. It’s really, actually, unnerving. Deeply so. I loved it. But then I’m a twisted little person….

Finally, I crawled into bed, having done some more Norwegian – I will learn Norwegian if it kills me. Although I’m suprised to find that my (incredibly weak and lacking) knowledge of german is popping up and getting in my way. In that it keeps leaping in when I’m trying to think of Norwegian words. Damnit.

Frikin’ stupid brain I’ve got here.

So, I then wandered into Oxford to meet peter, again….! After some faffing we got parked and wandered into the town, calling in at the Odeon on the way in. Yes, having watched 2 films the day before I hadn’t managed to get *enough* film, so we went to see 8 Legged Freaks (after a brief Icecream and milkshake interlude). 8 Legged Freaks was excellent, it was silly, funny and had some really nice background touches (the Organ Donor sign for instance)….

We also went to Virgin where I resisted (impressively) buying vast quantites of stuff (stuff I actually quite fancy on sale! No! Ah, but I’ve got no money, that explains it). We meandered all over the place, actually. And after the film we went in search of a pub to play pool in. Now, you wouldn’t think this was hard…..but it was….

Finally we found a nice looking littlish pub….after trying about 7 others…..and this one had a pool room. Woo! we said, and I wandered off to get a drink. Everyone was really friendly, the barstaff were nice, chatty, etc. And downstairs I went. Now in the past I’ve been asked if I’d ever been to a ‘gay pub’. My answer’s always been “Not that I know of”. Well. Now I can say, prior to today I’m fairly certain I’ve not been in any gay pubs.

Because it suddenly became apparent that this was a gay pub. It took about 20 seconds. I was wandering down to the pool room when my eye was drawn to a magazine….with a nipple on the front cover. And then I started looking at the leaflets, which previously my brain had discarded as “probably ‘local attractions’ leaflets”. No, all about HIV, and various gay/lesbian support groups….

Of course, having twigged (there was no-one else in the pool room, but there were some people in the garden) I started actually taking notice of people. Yes. Definately a gay bar. Was interesting, in that there were many people who really did fit the stereotype of gay people. There were quite a few, particularly the older ones, who didn’t. Very strange. Still, nice atmosphere in there, very friendly. And I thrashed peter at pool ;-)

That’s not to say anything bad about the staff of o’neills who were also very friendly….

Mostly through him having some incredibly bad luck……oh, and of course my superior skill ;-)

And then I headed back….which brings us to now, as I swelter in our back room staring at a cheaparse 17″ monitor wondering what I should do….probably goo to bed….

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08/19/2002 Entry: “Yet another quiz”

What’s your HTTP Status Code?
brought to you by Quizilla

You are easy going and unassuming, sometimes too much so. You don’t cause waves and are easy to get along with.. probably because you have no backbone. But it doesn’t matter, because people have a hard time not liking you.

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08/17/2002 Archived Entry: “Back in reality”

I think I’m feeling a bit better than when I wrote the last entry. Not a lot better, but a bit. At least able to string together coherant sentances instead of half-completed paragraphs where I leap from one topic to another without explanation.

Still not really with it, but off to my parents for the weekend…..

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08/16/2002 Archived Entry: “0021”

So, it’s true what they say. Hire vans do go faster.

That’s today’s humour. I wouldn’t ask for any more, because there isn’t any more. I spent the day moving Jasmine and Lauren out, into their new place. And yesterday I spent down at Lauren’s parents place – having driven down in a hideous van.

Well, not hideous. Just slow and noisy, and third gear and the windscreen washers didn’t work properly. Never mind. I’m really terrified about one of my friends. She had a *really* bad day – and she disappeared off line earlier – and I don’t know if she’s okay. She probably doesn’t realise quite how much I care about her. But I do care about her an enormous amount, and I worry about her more because she lives in a different country – so I can’t pelt over there hell-for-leather like I’ve been known to do with some of my other friends. If I had the money I’d get her over here, and offer her a place to stay until she found a job. And yes I mean that. It’s not idle comment.

Not that in my current mood I’d be much help. I really need a job. Really, really. Really now really. I want some space of my own that I can control. And out in the country side. I need countryside. Or at least something approaching countryside. I dunno.

shit, I’m crying and I don’t even know why.

Okay. Under control again.

I really need this job. I feel so incredibly worthless at the moment. I can’t seem to make people happy, I can’t give them what they want, and I can’t give them what I want.

I’m frustrated by my failings, as usual. It doesn’t help that I’m in the middle of changing my hormone dose. Which is fucking with everything in my brain.

Sigh. Bed. Fuckit.

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08/14/2002 Archived Entry: “Apparently”

Apparently I’m worth: $2,083,210.00

That seems pretty reasonable to me…