Category: General

Read this post. Just because you should.

People keep asking me how I am. It’s an impossible question to answer; although my dad was a huge part of my life, for the past year or so he’s just been so ill. Even if they did dose him up against the NMC’s guidelines with a drug he refused, and he died unready (early or not), his death has stopped his pain. I disagree wholeheartedly with what they did, and I’m angry that they did it, but my sadness is more unplaceable about his actual death.
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So… I enjoyed writing the 20 facts, so I thought I’d do 20 more facts…

1) I’ve wanted to make a film since I was about 10 years old and laid my hands upon a Standard 8 cine camera. I’ve made several shorts since then, ‘Pedro the Peanut’, a variety of short films about cars, my sister’s wedding, 7 minutes into the future and two pride videos. Of these, 7 Minutes and the second Pride video (A Pride of Minors 2005) are definately the two I’m most proud of. Virtually none of my friends have seen ‘Pedro the Peanut’ – it was shot on Super 8 (Actually, I think a combination of Standard and Super 8) and is truly awful. Thankfully, the audiotape with the ‘sound’ on it has been recorded over, thus protecting the not-so-innocent.
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20 Random facts (‘cos I got tagged by emilydm)
Write 20 random facts about yourself then tag the same number of people as minutes it takes
you to write the facts.

1 – I’m wearing my dad’s ring, despite the fact I don’t like wearing gold
2 – I bought my first car when I was 15
3 – I didn’t have a driving licence when I bought my first car
4 – I can’t remember the names of any of my teddy bears
5 – I’ve never bought a laptop, but I’ve had 4
6 – I’ve learned bits of: French, German, Norwegian, Russian
7 – I can’t speak any foreign languages
8 – I’ve got brown hair
9 – I wear contact lenses
10 – I really hate the glasses I’ve got at the moment but can’t afford to replace them
11 – I first started an online journal in august 1999
12 – I first designed a website in 1996
13 – I’ve got a degree in Biochemistry
14 – I got *exactly* the pass mark to get that honours degree, 1% less and I’d’ve had a certificate of wasting 3 years.
15 – I’ve always wanted to have my hair short
16 – No one ever lets me cut my hair that short
17 – I can strip and rebuild most parts of an MZ or a Morris Minor
18 – I was 21 when I came out to my parents
19 – I am struggling to come up with 20 random things
20 – My first bedroom after baby-hood had red roses on one wall which my dad had to quickly replace ‘cos I hated them….

Five minutes, but then they’re not very interesting facts. Here we go anyway: alexa_robinson, c0re_dump, chrisy_m_uk, loopback0, lyric_splat

I’m feeling alone.

John and Jakob (and Michelle and Andrew) have been here all day today. We also met the woman who’ll be conducting the ceremony for my dad’s funeral and had a long chat with her. But they’ve gone now and that alone lonelyness has come back.

Washing over me… great waves of sadness.

I’m okay as long as I fill the space.

I have the greatest friends, but they’ve all gone out tonight, and I have no other phone numbers… My old university friends… I’ve not spoken to them for so long… I do wish I was better at keeping in touch.

My partner, she’s gone out with my friends.

So tonight I’m alone. And curling up under a rock, somewhere.

Following an increase in the dose of sedation, my father passed away (still fighting) at 1035, on the 28th of August 2005.

I wish him well in his next birth and hope that I am lucky enough to be with him again.

For my friends, the Funeral looks to be next week, if any of you knew my dad and want to come, ring either my home in Bristol and I’m sure they can give you my mum’s phone number, e-mail me, or ring my mums house (where I’m staying). You can also try SMSing my mobile, but don’t ring it.

Last night was very strange. After coming home, Trey was cooking dinner while I faffed about finding out where the Wonky (a nightclub night) night was being held. While that was going on my mum rang and told me my dad’d gone into a coma. He’d been unresponsive all day.
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So, we went to Bristol’s pride event. Only, uh, yeah.

Okay, I wasn’t expecting much.

The 2 quid mandatory donation wasn’t a good start, but from the outside it looked like a fair size event… And then we got in. Disappointing; meeting my jokes about being our friends with a rainbow flag. My car is probably more gay when it’s got my friends in it.

*sigh*

I heard they were charging 300 quid a stall, which might explain the complete absence of any glbt type stalls selling anything. The live music was cool, apart from their CD player breaking and the vocalist having to wait while they declared it broken. Still, at least she could sing – it was better without the backing music :-)

There were quite a few people there; hundreds I’d reckon. But it well… yeah. Sucked. I hope it’s better next year…