Mostly lemon based

Category: General

  • Hairy McScary

    So, for EuroPride 2006 I’ll be taking my beloved Moggie; we hope; this year we’re also intending to make it to the far end and not stop 15 minutes in (not anything to do with Rebecca mind). As part of the forward planning for this I’ve been trying to find out whether, in a Parade, my car can be decked out as a Police car.

    Rebecca’s blue, and a touch battered, but she’d look Lovely with ‘POLICE’ down the side and a nice flashy flashy blue light on top.

    Anyway, so I started by asking the Parade organisers, but there was some difficulty there; no one seemed entirely sure. Technically I’m still driving down the road, with potentially, my car being identifiably a ‘police car’, which is illegal. Never mind that it’s 2006, not 1969 and my car is ‘unlikely’ to really be a police car. Indeed, I’d be seriously concerned if anyone thought it was (mind you people asked if she really was a tow vehicle last year, and whether Hebe really was a driving school car. People concern me). I can understand it actually, the whole not diluting the impact of the word POLICE.

    It became apparent that that line of inquiry (I hate ‘that that, incidentally) was not going to yeild results quickly, so taking my heart in my hands I mailed the Metropolitan Police. Not that I’ve got anything against the Police, I’ve worked with loads of officers in my training and they’ve all, to a person, been excellent. I’ve encountered the police also outside of work – with the Racist blokie, and they were also really good then.

    But just because I find contact with big things like the Police or the Government kind of intimidating. It’s one of those still feeling like a kid things. And also, my youth is not exactly the best thing in the world. It’s not like I broke any big laws, but I wasn’t the best kid in the universe. And I still feel guilty.
    Anyway, having crafted an e-mail I paused for a moment, and thought, and then hit send. And off it went, winging it’s little way all the way to London.

    Being as it was kind of a random request it bounced through the Met police a little teeny bit before hitting it’s mark; and a very nice chap mailed me back with information and more questions. And rang (unfortunately right at the time I’d decided to go out swimming); and it looks likely to happen. Of course, if anyone knows a discount supplier of magnetic signs that’d be handy.

    But the question is, what’s so scary about all of this? It’s the fact I’ve had to give my car’s details to the police, and my name… I’m not sure why they need this, although it might be to keep track of cars they’ve given permission to. But that was like “oh god, what have I got myself into?”

    Still. I’m looking forward to it. I need a blue flashing beacon if this is to work too. And a police costume uniform. Anyway, generally it’s *yay*. But it’s still a bit scary…

  • In the spirit of [something]

    Kate chuck, I can’t register on your journal and I can’t remember my password…

  • I Just Rock

    Here, in MP3 form, is the Punk-a-Wallah’s Desi on the Streets of Calcutta. I’ll obviously take it down when it becomes available. Don’t kill my poor little server.

    I just love this track, and you should all listen to it too.

  • Okay, now it’s all shiny, okay?

    Yeah, um, idiot girl here turned on comments but didn’t turn on the option to allow entries to have comments. Cheers to Kate for that little teeny tip there :-)

    *doh*

    Still getting used to the new editor, and had a fiddle sorting out the catagories a bit better; and do we all like the shiny new look? Well, if we don’t then pooh you.

  • Shiny Upgrade-fu

    Hopefully there’s a whole shinyness of newness going on here. Hopefully comments should work again. Please my faithful minions, test the comments :-)

    And spammers? Bugger off.

  • Incidentally.

    I heard this on Radio one when I got in the car: Punk – A – Wallahs: Desi on the streets of Calcutta.

    I want it. It’s a bootleg. It’s not even a downloadable bootleg. If you can find this for me I will be very happy :-)

  • Balls

    So, today went well…err. Well, no.

    It doesn’t help that I’m always nervous around Charge nurses / sisters; I kind of feel like my confident appearance might be taken for overconfidence or even arrogance; and I suddenly become a bundle of nerves. And it doesn’t help that I happen to think that the particular nurse I was working with today is cute. That doesn’t help either.

    So yeah, today I’m working with the Sister, and the Charge Nurse (who in this case runs the ward) is the other person working at my end. It’s going okay, I’ve got 3 patients, and I’m starting to feel pretty comfortable. And I’m doing the drug round – and I have to give some Clexane. Fine, I’ve given it hundreds of times, only this chap is on more than the maximum prefilled syringe; so we need to squirt it from the two prefilled syringes to another syringe. Of course, this is all well and good; I’ve done *this* plenty of times too.

    So we go to the treatment room, and I’m thinking ‘small syringe – probably 2 ml, and a little sub-cutaneous needle; there’s a sharps bin by the bed; etc…

    And she says “So, how are we going to do this”, and I say what I’m thinking, but suddenly am struck with ‘I’ve not seen any subcut needles; where are they?’ – so I have to ask, “ooh, have we got any”* – and instantly we’re into the terratory of me not feeling comfortable in what we’re doing, because I’ve done something dumb. Thing is, I’m fine by myself, I’ll just go “daft mare” and carry on, but having done it in front of the sister – and looked (in my head at least) like some kind of daft idiot. I then proceeded to dig myself a bigger hole. I’ve not given anything else sub-cut for a long time, so I mentioned this… except I have. Fucking insulin. I’ve given *that* plenty of times. Geeze.

    Anyway, basically by the time I came to draw it up I was completely berating myself inside my head – and although I did it, and didn’t do anything *terrible* I just made a general hash of it and felt fucking stupid.

    To round it off, when she came back from break I wanted to discuss one of my patients with her, and had just been asked to help move someone and managed to come off as being extremely rude to her (at least, in my head it felt that way) – because when she said for me to go on my break I was concentrating on not forgetting the crap urine output one of my patients had, and the messy jumbled sentance about me moving another patient before going on my break just… well. It didn’t come out the way I intended. Not aided by me still berating myself for my whole drawing up incident.

    I’m kind of used to being left to it and just watched. People stopped asking me ‘how are you going to do this’ a long time ago – they just watched, or whatever. But as soon as they do I think it’s some kind of trick question – and I over think it and gaaah. Sometimes I need to chill out.

    Anyway, early shift tomorrow…. Cup of Hot Chockie and bed.

    * which is dumb, because I knew we had them. But I was nervous, okay?

  • Mooples

    g’morning and welcome to Kate’s quite tired and would really rather fancy a day off.

    So, the second Late / Early approachs and I feel the desire not to do it, but I’ll be there. Yesterday was pretty good really, I had my 3 patients, and I looked after them and worked through dischargey stuff and social stuff, and I think it all went okay. I may come in to a mass of complaints and disasters; but overall I think it was okay. I hope :-)

    Anyway, then I went to councelling, which was… interesting. Because I’m feeling a lot better in myself. In fact, I’ve been feeling – well, lonely – because I am, but I’m trying to meet more people (although it looks like this month is not going to be a great success).

    I’m currently listening to something I can only describe as ‘very odd’; the Wild Acoustic Chamber Orchestra’s ‘They Dwell on Other Girls’, I’d like to say it’s awful, but it’s not quite… really… it’s just very very odd. It’s sort of like listening to a very bad school orchestra, but more…deliberate. I mean, it’s not exactly something I’d listen to for pleasure, but it’s interesting.

    Anyway, yes, so councelling. My councellor, it seems, was going by a nickname last time I met her – so I didn’t recognise her name this time (because she’s stopped using the nickname). But that was good, because she knew my history and knew how I was when I finished – and basically we had a long talk – it was like I remembered it. I enjoyed it a lot, actually, and if I wasn’t pushed for time I’d quite enjoy having them just as a method of destressing – but we agreed that I don’t really want / need councelling at the moment. I’ve made a lot of progress by myself – and the whole point of me going before was (well, to sort my head out) to enable me to deal with the shittyness by myself.

    It really helped me; [okay, now it’s turned into the music from Tony Hart’s Gallery with a bossa-nova beat; this is definately a very odd if interesting CD]; it helped me develop coping strategies and understand my drive to be the best and to accept that I’m human and I do make mistakes, and that it’s okay to be human and make mistakes. I don’t have to be better than everyone, y’know? And I was kind of subconciously driving myself to reach unattainable standards and setting myself targets that were unattainable just so I could damn myself to failure and then hate myself for failing.

    These days I’m a lot healthier. And although I’ve had a period of not being so healthy, I’ve managed to deal with it; I clearly struggle with rejection, but I think that it was more rejection on top of my mum’s depression on top of my dad’s death, on top of the real fear of failing at work. Which… I think, is fair enough. And the fact I’m starting to get back to working and okay, I’m not dealing with the financial situation very well, but really, the fact I’m coping and I’m pretty happy a lot of the time, the blackness is receeding and yeah. It’s good.

    So, yes, I’ve got my safety rope, I can go back and see my councellor if I want to, and that’s enough for me right now.

    Which brings us to more Northern Exposure. I’ve actually not posted since Monday?! Blimey. Been busy I guess. Anyway, I got my xxxHolic, Megatokyo Vol 1 (dark horse edition) and my Northern Exposure DVDs. I’d never actually seen the beginning, in fact, I don’t think I ever really saw much of the first series; but it’s just the way I remember it; the characters are somewhat less developed and the actors look so young, but it’s Cicely, AK, same as it’s been in my head since forever.

    And I still love it just as much.

    I know it’s sad and silly to miss the characters from a TV show, but my childhood was hardly roses and chocolates, so it was one of the things that had a big impact on me, because it was just… escape. Pure escapism, which is I guess what it is now. For 45 minutes I can forget about work and just concentrate on the lives of some fictional people :-)

    Anyway, basically I’m dead pleased because I was a bit worried that it’d’ve lost it’s magic for me, but it hasn’t. It’s still something I love.

    And in other news I wrote to UHN (in Toronto) asking recruitmenty questions, all of you think good thoughts for a positive response. I need it to be good news that comes back. Oh, and I’ve been talking to the Met Police about whether Rebecca can be a police car for the day during EuroPride. They seem to be trying to be as helpful as possible, which is good, but I’ve still not managed to find out if she can have the light on and *on*. I now know where to get a police uniform though… :-)

    There’s something so wrong about this :-)

    Hee.

    Hrm, I think that’s me for today. What’s going on in your worlds?

  • “I want” doesn’t get….

    I just watched Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind. I’ve been in two minds (heh) about watching it, I first saw it with Trey and the whole… watching things which are connected with ex-partners; well; it’s not always… easy. Took me a very long time to watch Pi after I split up with Donna – and we were only together weeks! Yeah, I know I’m pathetic.

    Anyway, so I watched it tonight. Curled up with my glass of coke…

    It’s got that famous Eloisa to Abelard quote (by Alexander Pope):

    How happy is the blameless vestal’s lot!
    The world forgetting, by the world forgot.
    Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind!
    Each pray’r accepted, and each wish resign’d;

    It’s funny, because no matter how lousy I’ve felt, I’ve never wanted to erase my relationships; for the most part I’ve learned a lot about myself from them. And about other people; and actually, I enjoy the memories. I mean, not right now, because it’s all a bit raw – but… Losing the memories of my relationships; I’d…

    …anyway, I dunno. I just watched it again, it’s only the second time I’ve seen it (I think ;-) ), and I still think it’s an incredibly well shot film. I’m not that big on big actor / big budget stuff; well, sometimes I am, but I am very impressed by Eternal Sunshine…

    I had a point when I started this.

    Something about no matter how cruddy I feel today; and I do; and I suspect the next couple if days are going to get worse, peaking on Tuesday with Valentines / Hallmark day. But I know that I can look back at my relationships; and memories; and they’re good y’know.

    You know the phrase ‘lost the plot’? That’s me.

    I had a point when I started this thing.

    Bugger.

    So, today is Sunday; yes? Sunday. This is frustrating, because not only did I spend money I shouldn’t have on presents to cheer myself up at Valentines; but it turns out that yes, I got my sums wrong this month (yes, again), and I’ve ended up overdrawn again. Actually, the money I spent was on the credit card, so it didn’t really matter (well, affect that). I do however need to book a shift or two tomorrow. Yes. Definately.

    Now I’ve got some off duty. A couple of shifts would be a good plan.

    Ooooh, look. Stream of conciousness time.

    In which case, I’ll share this link: linky linky – it’s a torrent site with ‘legal’ torrents on it, apparently. Anyway, some of the music on there is incredible. So, yes, go follow the linky linky. What was I doing there? Well, for reasons which may at some point become apparent, I was after some Wakka Chikka Wakka Chikka music.

    Frack, how’d it get to be quarter to 11? I was going to practice the guitar once I’d done an entry. I guess that’s not happening today then. Never mind. Bed, I think.

  • Kate in actually working accident

    Yes, I really have been working today; working on my dissertation. I think I’ve got some shiny new people reading this, so I’ll quickly explain my dissertation topic; it’s basically on whether gay / lesbian individuals experience crap healthcare. It’s something that’s bothered me ever since – well, an experience with my ex, Ais, in a hospital that shall remain nameless. Anyway; when they finally gave me the chance to study something I’m actually interested in… well, I pounced on the chance. Frustratingly it’s a literature review – not a piece of novel research, but at least it’s into something I really care about.

    It’s been shockingly hard, actually. There’s a fair amount of research into Nurses / Medical staffs attitudes (one study I’ve barely touched, but scan read, suggests as many as 36% of nurses would not nurse gay and lesbian individuals if they had the choice(!)); and Gay and Lesbian healthcare professionals experiences inside the healthcare profession; but there’s very little on patient’s experience – as I’ve begun to discover.

    It’s been a real struggle finding papers. In fact, 3 months in I’m still not really happy with the papers for my literature review. But some of the papers are incredibly distressing to read; incidents described verging on assault; certainly lack of care being commonplace. Huge, staggering percentages of individuals failing to attend for further healthcare because of the appauling interactions they’ve had. It’s really quite shocking. Even knowing what I did, and knowing my experiences, and knowing what the abstracts said about the papers – I still… didn’t quite expect the depths to which “health care professionals” have sunk in their failure to provide care.

    I have to kind of get this out of me, because I’ve got to be quite impartial – and I do find myself getting annoyed at the weaker papers because, well, their research might indicate the same things as the better papers; but it’s meaningless if you can’t discern bias or whether the sample’s valid, or the questions leading.

    At any rate, it’s interesting still – if scary and frustrating and upsetting.

    I’ve summarised my reviews for 2 papers today; and sorted a bit through the ‘mound’ of paperwork. Yesterday and the day before I fiddled, like you might with a scab, at the Maternity EU pack. It’s frustratingly far from finished.

    But overall, I’ve been a bit more productive over the last couple of days.

    In other news, our brand-spanking-new-6 months ago washing machine has packed up and died. It now flashes and blinks an array of little tiny LEDs – which translates in the user manual as “Service required – an abnormality has developed”. I fear that our washing machine may have mutated. Of course, being saturday I can’t ring our letting agents – and of course, I discovered it was faulty by (our survey said) putting my clothes in it to wash. They came out damp and smelling of stale water; so… I had to hand wash the fracking things. One of my uniforms was in there, which makes it particularly urgent. Of course, they’re now drip-drying in my shower; a fan-heater (space heater, for the americans out there. Incidentally, in the UK this is a space heater) is running pointed into the teeny tiny bathroom so my room now smells remenicent of those drying rooms you get in Youth Hostels… and my guitar? That’s stored outside my bedroom for the time being – I don’t imagine a huge change in humidity ‘d be very good for it, not really.

    So how’s things with everyone else this fine day?