Before I start, it’s the 23rd of May; get recording, peoples…
So, this is kind of a whine brought about by reading off the map (which I’m still reading) – and thinking about my life, and the fact that despite plans to the contrary I start most days by spending an hour or two reading journals and news sites and browsing, and just generally consuming other people’s content. Despite big plans for zines, books, videos – I never seem to get around to producing any more, or creating any more than I ever have done.
I don’t – in a way – mind that I’ve been sucked in to the whole capitalist dream of owning a house and a car and whatever – because I put my own very distinct spin on it. Those status symbols of capitalism that I have, the house, the car; they are my own works in progress. Now they are mine-and-Kathryn’s works in progress. While it may be furnished from ikea and John Lewis, the art is ours; or found on the streets of Toronto. The bookshelves contain the eclectic and bizzare, the selfpublished and the interesting. And much of what is in is recycled, second hand and home made. It is not your standard house (but then, perhaps, that’s what everyone thinks).
But I find myself frustrated by my lack of creativity. By my ability to sit and suck-up though a straw that which I place in front of me. Yes, I hunt out journals and sites that match my interest and ideals; and I imagine that I’m better informed than the people who sit reading the daily mail cursing everyone who’s not english, white and middleclass; but I don’t give anything back. Some of that I blame on ‘lack of time’ – when I have the energy that could be used to create I’m trying to sort out the car, the bike, the house, the garden. Although the garden doth rock; and the house is more and more a home.
And I make promises over and over again – “I shan’t spend today in front of the computer”. “I’ll fish out the bits for the zine”. That kind of thing. I ponder, over and over again, how I came up with “7 minutes into the future” – and the faint sadness that comes with the fact that I made that over 3 years ago and have yet to do anything even as good.
And so, perhaps I can manage today – the day I’m recording random bits for A.M. – to make that committment and stick to it. This week off is, ironically, reserved for the house, the bike, the car and the garden… But perhaps Kathryn and I can slot into it some creative time.
