Shock and Awe

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I’m amazed how much this failed essay has got to me. I knew it was crap when I handed it in; but I thought it was maybe a marginal pass. Reading the comments though makes me feel that it’s at very best a pass. At the very best. I’m almost 100% certain it’s not.

And that somehow has got to me. Given that my worst grade doing biochemistry was an awesome 8% (to be fair, that was a chemistry exam, and I managed to beat some of the chemists in it!), it suprises me how much this has got to me. I think it’s because despite the fact I’m aware that most of the actual assessments in this course have nothing to do with actual nursing, nothing to do with the day to day practicalities; or even the real planning and management processes required later on; they’re just a hoop-jumping-test, I do actually care about the course. Or passing the course, and doing well. And up ’til now I’d been doing well. Not brilliantly, like another member of the course, I just don’t really grok what they want in the essays. I think I’ve handed in a genious piece of work and it comes back saying it’s crap. I think I’ve handed in absolute shite and they pat me on the head and say “good girl, that’s excellent”.

But this time I was right, it was crap, and it’s come back and is haunting me. And I should just get over it, and I will soon, but it’s bothering me. A lot. Really, a lot. More than is reasonable.


Kate's allegedly a human (although increasingly right-wing bigots would say otherwise). She's definitely not a vampire, despite what some other people claim. She's also mostly built out of spite and overcoming oppositional-sexism, racism, and other random bullshit. So she's either a human or a lizard in disguise sent to destroy all of humanity. Either way, she's here to reassure that it's all fine.