Last night I laid in bed thinking, not for long ‘cos I was quite tired, but I thought. It’s very odd, being single. I don’t object to being single any more, it’s a bit hard work sometimes because most of the people I hang around with are couples, and I like being in a couple, I like having someone to share life with. But, in general I’m happier single than I’ve ever been being single.
I thought about it, because I miss having someone to curl up with at night, but for the most part I’m quite happy plodding along on my own; I think perhaps this is something to do with the way Trey and I split up; there wasn’t that… long drawn out death of the relationship. Trey just stopped loving me, and it was over. But I wasn’t in that ‘struggling relationship’ phase, where things aren’t good, but you can’t or don’t have the guts to end it – or you just keep thinking it’ll get better.
I think it’s left me in a better headspace, where I’m much better able to look at the world and look at myself – I can’t blame her for the end of the relationship, I can’t really be bitter. She wasn’t in love anymore, and it ended because of that. Hrm, I don’t quite know where I’m going with this. I think it’s just that I’m startlingly happy with my lot in life at the moment. I know I’m tired, and I could really have done without the Mog’s starter deciding it needs to come out and be cleaned (I might also replace the starter relay, ‘cos it’s been looking grotty as hell for a while, and it got very hot with the starter being stuck); and I am constantly tired and scared about money, but… overall, things are pretty okay. And it’s kinda nice.
I’ve got my little routines, and my little life, and that’s just fine for me at the moment.
Of course, talking about the future isn’t so good, the university aren’t sure what’s going to happen about the degree students qualifiying, on the basis that you can’t let them qualify without marking; so I’m not sure about jobs. And I’ve not heard anything back from Birmingham or Manchester, which is scary shit. I really do need a job. Really. And would quite like one in either of those hospitals, so if anyone wants to put in a good word for me :-)
Incidentally, if anyone knows people in B’ham or M’chester who wouldn’t mind giving me advice on GLBT friendly areas in which to live; that’d be handy.
