So, I took today off sick. Something, perhaps the chilli-dogs last night, or the huge quantity of cheese didn’t agree with me… Spent most of the day doing a website for some friends; which was silly, I should’ve been working.
Still feeling a bit grotty for no known reason. My stomach feels very acidy – it has done all day – I took some ‘tums’ earlier, but they’ve not really helped. I think it’s probably me stressing about stuff that’s doing it. I’ve still got loads of work to do before the end of the month (hey, yes, I should have been working) and money’s been a tad on the short side. I definately shouldn’t really have done pride.
But there you go, you make your decisions and live with them.
My desk has degenerated into piles of stuff that should have been done again. Bleh.
Still.
I was pondering stuff, mostly, I’ve been creative – not really like insaneo-output creative that I used to. Not climbing the walls creative. But nicely creative. I wonder if I’ve finally found balance in my life. Creativity scared me before because it always came before a massive fall. Before a massive massive mental shift that would leave me crawling around in the pits of darkness.
But these days, the bursts of creativity, they seem to be no more markers of my mood than the quantity of cheese in the fridge. Obviously I’m referring to my abandoned places (journal offerings and photos). I’m also really, really looking forward to editing the pride footage and the footage from what would have been our ‘big’ project.
We’ve finally had a response back – it’s a great big honking no. For those who’re interested, we were pondering making a show for Granada TV, but our proposal didn’t make it to the final cut, so we’ve got the raw footage that was shot for us to use as we wish. We’re planning on a promo to send to, well, tv companies. Let’s see how we can do ourselves.
Unfortunately, P-M-R UK may have screwed us over in terms of not being the same but potentially being deemed to fill our slot. Bleh. Anyway, anything that lets me loose with the editing software is good.
Of course, the fact I’ve now got…oooh. about 2 gig of free diskspace on my main drive (1.70Gig, just checked…) means that I’m going to have to dig out one of my ‘spare’ drives – the pre-upgrade to quietness ones to edit on. I really need money for splurging. The machine’s got like 360 Meg of memory; this is my main work machine; you can get phones with nearly that much in. Probably can get phones with more in.
What I really want to do is build the storage server to live out in the garage; thus enabling me to free up a big wodge of space on here, and stream stuff to whichever machine I want to watch it on. Which’d be nice. I’ve got a machine I can use, it is just a case of setting it up – and getting the cable out there. Given that we only signed another 3 months worth of leasy goodness on this place then doing that migh be construed as a bit of an insane idea, so I think it’ll have to wait – either for wired goodness or for a secure wireless network within the bounds of affordability.
The advantage of this is that my machine stays nice and quiet (although I’d now like it quieter, bloody Lauren), and the old harddisks which are quite nice sizes, but a bit on the ‘loud’ side get used. Which is really a yay all-round.
I’ve been pondering y’know, where does my love of wandering round places I shouldn’t be – or where people’ve not been for a long time, where does that come from? Well, it comes from my dad. But why? Why – I mean, I’m such a people person – but I just love the solitude and the darkness in these places. There’s something fantastically beautiful about a collapsing house, about the disintegrating fabric of these artifically created spaces.
Something that touches my soul and makes me want to seek them out. It’s probably related to my lack of interest in the human race.
I find it odd that, as I’ve put it before, I don’t really care about the human species. For one who passionately loves her job and spends every working day doing her best to prevent suffering and prolong life, it’s a bit of a weird one to connect. But the Human Species has done little to endear itself to me; prejudice, destruction, war, capitalism, none of these things are really to be proud of imho; so whether the race as a whole survives I have little interest in. But individual humans, you never know what they’re capable of. What they can achieve. What they’ve done. So I care about them…
I have singularly failed to do anything useful today. Which is a shame, but given that I’ve been off sick and actually been feeling pretty damn ropey then I think we’ll declare that reasonable. Oh, I’ve been listening to music for the Pride Video. How, given that we were only part of the parade for a few short minutes can I do a pride video? Well, you’ll have to wait and see won’t you.
