Comments Off on Absence

I’m going down to my parents today.

I went down yesterday with Trey… coincidences… Trey was off sick yesterday, I filled up my car with petrol without needing to, I walked a longer route to the education centre than usual – so I heard my phone ring (normally it’s on silent during the day)…

…so I could go to my parents.

I can’t remember or find the name of the ceremony; it’s a Therevada Buddhist tradition, and done near death, when an individual is dying, chanting the five precepts (to refrain from destroying living creatures, to refrain from taking that which is not given, to refrain from sexual misconduct, to refrain from incorrect speech, to refrain from intoxicating drinks and drugs which lead to carelessness) – which although I couldn’t remember outright I could at least remember well enough to chant with my family and the monk who came to perform the ceremony.

Today my dad starts on a high dose morphine pump, and from today he will essentially not be there.

So yesterday, while he could still take part, we performed the ceremony.

At his request.

It’s the first time in months he’s managed to stay awake for more than a few minutes.

I keep crying.

I rang my placement today and told them that I’d not be in and I’d sort it out when I came back. I could barely stop myself from crying just talking about stupid crap like that.

I’m trying to sort out stupid uni crap before I go back.

I should eat something. And pack. And go.

It was good to be there yesterday. Important.

I should eat.

I was going to take the tumble drier I got my mum down. But it’s raining.

Breakfast… I guess.


Kate's a human mostly built out of spite and overcoming transphobia-racism-and-other-bullshit. Although increasingly right-wing bigots would say otherwise. So she's either a human or a lizard in disguise sent to destroy all of humanity. Either way, it's all good.