I can’t believe “people should be paid livable wages” is a controversial opinion

I can’t believe children that don’t have jobs think they understand an economy without even taking a single economics course

come here….i got a secret for you…you might want to grab some tissues…are you ready? ROnald Reagan is DEAD. 





Today I walk into work and there are a ton of people in my building and it’s kind of a mess and everyone is talking and I sort of just blurt out:

“Man, it’s a zoo in here!”

Everyone stopped and looked at me as though I had 2 heads.

Then I realized.

I work at a zoo.

Update: my boss was talking about how he was really excited for an entire week of vacation and was wondering what he should do, so I looked him dead in the eye and told him, with a straight face,

“You should visit the local Zoo, I heard it’s really nice.”

Under pain of death I am no longer allowed to make any zoo related jokes.

Part three: I was cleaning the squirrel monkeys and one of them kept trying to climb up me so I sort of just yelled


I forgot my boss was in the next room and he walked and just glared at me

you are awesome



I talked to an eight year old little girl yesterday and admired her Thor shirt.  I asked her if Thor was her favorite Avenger.  She shook her head and said "we can’t find a Black Widow shirt.”

@ marvel : you pricks