It’s a rough morning in my head.

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Hot take: It’s a shitty time.

Look, the world certainly doesn’t need some more political analysis from a random brit – even an queer immigrant POC brit living in the US. Waking up to find that New Zealand has slid rightward, that Australia went from over 60% being pro-Aboriginal representation being added to the constitution to voting against it (thanks, in large part, to the mainstream media parroting fossil fuel talking points), and the ongoing horrors in Israel / Palestine.

Personally, for me, that’s all layered on top of the general commentary from yesterday. And I know I’m lucky.

Fuck me, I know I’m lucky.

I live in a state in which I’m somewhat protected, I have enough that I can throw donations at people in far worse situations sometimes, I have got more than enough stuff, I can buy music and books that allow me to escape or to process or to understand.

And it’s ridiculous of me to complain to an extent.

But this isn’t some misery olympics. I’m allowed to find it hard – find it hard to watch people like me fleeing states which have passed laws that make it impossible for people like me to thrive, or even survive there. To understand that the world often doesn’t give a shit about trans people except when it’s kicking them, and really to feel a profound sense of loss for the future I thought we were moving towards. I’m allowed to sometimes be despairing about the fact that climate change is shredding our world, and so many people seem to completely uninterested in doing something – anything – of significance to stop that. And I’m not really talking about individual responsibility here, because to an extent I think that’s bullshit. I increasingly see our ‘democratic’ systems unravelling because they’re so tainted by the money from large corporations who’s interest runs counter to that of humanity.

I’m allowed to find it hard that I understand at a fundamental level that climate change is driving the rightward push that we’re seeing and feeling; that people feel unsafe and for many – particularly those who are cis/het/white/male – seem to be willing to give away others safety so they can have the power of an authoritarian government that tells them comforting lies that it will all be fucking okay, if only they get rid of the Black/Queer/Brown/Indigenous/First Nations/Different people.

Because sure, it’s the people who’ve held the least power in society that have fucked everything up. Yeah. That tracks.

Yes, I’m angry. I’m angry and frustrated and fucking hurting right now.

And as is so often the case in my life it’s weirdly dichotomous. Like – I am with someone I love deeply, and in a house and home that we’ve built that’s amazing. I’m finally doing things I want to do for me. I’ve lost weight and I’m exercising and I actually am coming to like my body (despite the fact random bits of it keep hurting in ways which remind me that I’m not 20 anymore). I’m working on skills that make me happy. I’m looking at getting FFS so the things that have bothered me about my face can maybe be reduced. I have a job that – much of the time – isn’t terrible. I have another job which is pretty fucking good (although the rightward slide of YT and large internet corps in general is destroying it, piece by piece, as we get algorithmically driven into nothing).

But I’m allowed to find the world hard right now, and fuck, I am finding it hard.


Kate's allegedly a human (although increasingly right-wing bigots would say otherwise). She's definitely not a vampire, despite what some other people claim. She's also mostly built out of spite and overcoming oppositional-sexism, racism, and other random bullshit. So she's either a human or a lizard in disguise sent to destroy all of humanity. Either way, she's here to reassure that it's all fine.