Time is an illusion, lunch time doubly so.

Comments Off on Time is an illusion, lunch time doubly so.

That isn’t quite the response I got from S J Tools in Slough when I asked whether my gearbox which they’ve had for 8 months was ready. A two week job they said… in December last year. It may, they said, take a week or two to get started because they were busy.

A month ago it ‘would be ready in a week’. Yesterday I rang and they switched from standard default ‘waiting for parts’ excuses to the impressively surreal:

‘Time is a human construct, it has no place in the workshop’.

I’m not paraphrasing. It’s not exactly what he said because I can’t remember the exact words. But that was the essential point. That is their entire argument. Not waiting for parts, not being busy.

I actually got dressed and drove around there because I couldn’t believe how utterly insane they were being, but he stuck to his guns. At one point we had the blissful exchange:

Delusional ‘engineer’: ‘You shouldn’t be in here, it’s against health and safety for you to be in a workshop’
Me: ‘You shouldn’t call it a workshop, since you don’t do any work, that’s against trades descriptions’.

As you can imagine we’re getting on well. I then proceeded to actually shouting at the bloke who was ineffectually poking at the remenants of my gearbox. And who every time I used the word ‘new’ in relation to the gearbox would stop me and say ‘it’s not new’ – something which didn’t add to the goodness of my mood.

Suffice to say, Friday will be interesting when I return for either the completed gearbox or the money back.


Kate is lord and mistress of all she surveys at pyoor.org...