Mostly lemon based

Day: May 2, 2006

  • Self frustration

    You know what frustrates me most about myself; at least at the moment (last night it was my inability to sleep while thinking “argh argh am I really going to buy a big damp box? How am I going to finish my dissertation? This mattress really needs turning but that’s lots of hastle”)?

    Well, it’s that I think lots. I think lots, but I’m really crap at expressing it. I’m crap at writing it down, when I try to talk to people about it I find that my language skills fail me staggeringly. I think it comes from my generation’s abuse of the English language; we’ve no longer got the verbal dexterity to really express a lot of emotions. The example that leaps (screaming and shouting) to mind is the word Awesome.

    Well, what is Awe? Here, let’s look it up: Fear; Striking fear and reverence. In the immortal concepts of Eddie Izzard, how is a hot dog awesome?

    Our language has been used and abused and I think it’s a result of that which has lead to our lack of skill at expressing ourselves. Well, mine. Other people seem to manage. I often find myself saying things and thinking “that is completely inadequate to express what I’m feeling / thinking / wanting to say”.

    Perhaps I just suck at expressing myself.

    That and I sound like some pretentious tosser when I try. Meh.

  • I believe that’s what’s called a ‘learning experience’

    So, back to work today. Much fun of the “oh my god you cut off all your hair… it looks really cool” variety. I like looking good. I don’t often feel that great about myself. Well, moreso these days, but today was like “commentathon”, which was fun. And my hair? It needs trimming anyway.

    Also lots of talk about the potential house. Someone at work was:

    “Oh my god I can’t believe you’d even consider living there”.

    But she drives me nuts anyway. Everyone else was really startled and doing the whole ‘what the fuck?!’ when she did that. But anyway, completely ignoring her after work I left and headed into Bath. I had the choice of driving to my branch in Brizzy, driving nearer to Bath city centre or walking, from work, into Bath. Walking seemed like a great idea.

    The traffic is always lousy in Bath, and then I’d have to find somewhere to park… Not driving at all saves on fuel. Ignoring, obviously that I slept appaulingly last night and was completely wrecked after work I set off. In the rain. 2.5 miles doesn’t seem a lot normally, in fact, it’s a teeny distance. But after a day stood up at work? Maybe not so great on the plan front.

    I did however get my Bankers Draft. It’d disappointingly like a normal cheque; and I discovered that to get my money back into my account having had the draft written I actually have to get it paid into the account it’s written for and then have them pay me back. What the fuck?! *sigh*. Hopefully I’ll win the auction and then that won’t be an issue!

    Anyway, by the time I got back to the car (5 and a bit miles later, as my navigation in Bath was of it’s usual standard) my shins were aching; by the time I got home both my legs were sending daggers of ‘please stop driving’ all over the place. So. Yes. We learned something today. We don’t do that again.