Bah, I’ve got over tired and my brain’s now having trouble merging images from my two eyes. Don’t ask me why, it’s something that I’ve always had on close viewing – since I started wearing glasses. Sadly, it’s too far away for me to be able to focus without glasses.
Tomorrow then. Distraction; the mother of my day. I’ve got so much work done today it’s quite astounding. Oooh. I can see. No, seriously, I’ve done a good 1/3rd of the Mental Health EU Learning pack (still need two more descriptions of mental illness though folks). But having laughed my way through an episode of Green Wing (S2E02 is *excellent*); I had to start to deal with tomorrow. I put the paperwork out downstairs for my appointment. Checked the time. Got my clothes out of the tumble drier.
To say I’m tense is an understatement. I’m sure it’s nothing. No, I’m not sure it’s nothing otherwise I’d’ve not got this far. No, I suspect it’s nothing – or at least nothing significant. Coming as it has as Trey’s disappearing and my dad’s casket’s being burried it’s a bit stressful. Top that off with the sheer quantity of work I’ve got on, the house hunt and really, everything. This is not the most relaxing bit of my life ever.
I’m scared of what they might find tomorrow; and I realise that it’s a stupid thing. What’s the point in being scared of something you can’t change? But still. I actually quite like my body; apart from being a bit big in the stomach region, I actually am pretty darn happy with it. And I am slowly losing that spare tyre. I’ve done my damnest to take care of my body, which I’ll grant I didn’t exactly treat with the greatest care for the first 20-something years; I eat well – I eat mostly vegitarian, mostly home cooked food. I exercise. I have an active job. I go to the doctor’s when I’m sick. I’ve been good to it. I know I drank far too much, and did other things which I’m not going to comment on in an open post. I know I’ve slid it down a motorway, rolled it in a car and generally not been too great at looking after it for years.
But I’m trying to take care of it now; so maybe, just maybe this once it can reward me for my attempts; at any rate, I should really be in bed, stressing and failing to sleep. I think this is a ‘get yourself so tired you will sleep’ thing.
I’ve managed one other thing today (beyond EU Mental Health, hopefully resealing the exhaust, swapping the wiper blades and the seatbelt, loading and later unloading the dishwasher, and doing laundry). I’ve managed to listen to Radiohead. I’ve been phobic about it for a while, connected as it was to not the best phase of my life; but I loved Radiohead before then. And today I put it on again, it’s sat in my music library, strangely absent from playlists for a very long time.
Now I feel good, because I’ve listened to it, and it’s just as fracking fantastic as I remember. I’ve also heard some Kosheen – a Bristol based group that Kara’s introduced me to (is that fracked up or what? An Alaskan friend introducing me to a group from my own city!) – and from whom I now need more music. I also selected the two pictures I want from rana-x’s huge selection of fantastic pictures. James said he’d get me one for my birthday (woot! Only 6 days…) and I’m paying for the other… For those who are interested it’s a shot from her Book Project – Zaya and Aries, Light 2. Now I just need a house to put them in.
It’s right about now I miss having a working hi-fi in my room; I could just chill out laying in bed with some music… For definate.