Medical related. Possibly triggering. Possibly TMI.
3 weeks ago I noticed a tender / sore breast, and my BSE made me think it’d changed. Sort of lump/y and yes, I was freaked. Then I remembered I’d smacked into a doorframe (note: do not run down stairs with laminate floor at the bottom, unless you are a cat, because then it’s funny); and ascribed it to that. 3 weeks later it’s still sore, achey, tender. I decided that perhaps it was time to visit the GP.
That famous phrase, “I’m sure it’s nothing, but…”. One exam later and I’m going to have a mammogram. To say I’m fucking terrified at this point doesn’t really cover it. Completely fucking terrified. And I know I shouldn’t be, and I know that it’s almost certainly nothing – my body’s extremely bad at dealing with excess fat and tends to deposit in in hard lumps (see both arms); it’s most likely something like that.
I know I shouldn’t be so scared. But I feel like curling up in a corner and crying. I’m not entirely convinced I’m good for work today, but it’ll probably help – take my mind off it and stuff.