That’s how I feel about myself at the moment. I guess nothing can easily be right with the world when you’re fearing that everything you’ve worked for, you’ve given up your life for, is going to be destroyed.
2 years ago when I made the decision to do nursing I gave up a failing business, but at that point I could easily have gone back to my previous career; technical writing. A career with great pay, fantastic prospects, a nice easy 9-5 job. I did it having caluclated that I could ‘cope’ for 3 years, pretty much whatever the world threw at me. But I forgot how hard university is. I didn’t realise that the nursing course involves working a full week of shifts and doing essays and assignments at the same time. I didn’t realise quite how hard it would be.
But I’ve worked hard; I’ve worked fucking hard; I’ve worked a nightshift and then gone back to my placement later the same day to do a late shift. I’ve worked 14 days in a row of shifts. I’ve worked harder than I’ve ever worked in my life before to make this course a reality for me.
I’ve made myself ill, I’ve grown huge debts instead of paying off the ones I already had.
And to have that destroyed by the selfish stupidity of a bank; and let’s point out this is stupidity – if my suggestion is ‘followed’ the chances are (and look at my history here) that they’ll end up regaining 12 out of 14 thousand pounds; plus great scads of interest. This is because I have a joint debt of 4000, of which I’ve paid off 2000 through a new loan from them (a ‘consolidation of my existing loans’) – but because the business loan is ‘jointly and severably liable’ they seem to imagine that I can magic up another 2000 pounds.
If they follow their suggestion they’ll probably get back an awful lot less; why? Because I’ll have to go into a debt management programme and the amount I can afford will be calculated on my income, and if they think that having pushed me into debt management I’ll work every hour there is like I do now for their gain, they are suffering from delusional beliefs. I will maintain my part-time job just to keep a toe in while I’m at university; I won’t be working to clear debts because I’ll be devoting my time to my training, thankyouverymuch.
It seems blatantly stupid, but as a friend pointed out, it’s one manager not getting a bad report by putting debt management onto a loan; where another manager has been sensible. At any rate, I’m off to the Citizens Advice Bureau today, in about 5 minutes actually, to see if they have any suggestions, or if the suggestion my friend made is going to work.
In other news, we finally got our bin emptied, and with a quick jog down the road after the bin-men we managed to get the bin-bags they refused to pick up and put in the truck (‘cos they weren’t in the bin) also disposed of.
And… one side of the recovery sign is done and it looks *fuckin’ ace*. Yeah.
I just hope I have enough money to get my car down to Pride…
Oh, and in case you’ve not looked yet Pyoor goods. Buy. I just need 4000 people to buy tee-shirts and I’ll not have to stress about this debt anymore ;-/