is not where I want to be. Whatever I’m doing. It’s not what I want to be doing. My mind won’t focus. One minute I’m thinking about my dad. Next minute I’m thinking about…
Well here: Thinking about my dad, look at picture on wall, note little ‘this is X circa Y’ tag, think about how it’s a guess, think about Guy’s description of a trip to the Tate, notice that they’re doing ‘surgery’ in Star Trek on telly (sound off), think about ECGs, laugh at ECGs on telly…
It’s like that.
My friends have been fantastic. But whereever I am is not where I want to be.
The only thing I’ve managed to do was wash my bike. Don’t ask me why I did it, I just did. She’s very shiny now. Unfortunately I’ve found that the bottom of the frame needs welding; it’s a real mess – rusty as shite down there.
I’ve watched Ellen, some of The Comic Strip, a bit of Wizard People Dear Reader and Invader Zim. I hate feeling so lost. I just want…. something.
I feel like my last post made it sound like I was disappointed in my dad for ‘giving up’. I’m incredibly proud of him for making the choice. For so long I’ve not known what or why he was doing what he was doing. He just seemed so unhappy. To know what he *wants* and that he’s made that decision. That’s kind of a good thing. I don’t want him to suffer for me. That’s never what I want(ed).
