I’ll never not be amused by the fact that I can drop the words “crucifix nail nipples” into a conversation and some of you who have been with me since the livejournal days will join me in the flashbacks, screaming and crying all the way.
I require context. Because this is a very interesting start of a story, and now I need the rest of it. Could I get a link, or a summary, or something? Pretty please?
All right buckle the fuck up kids, it’s the year 2012 and I’ve just been handed what should be an easy editing gig by my senior editor. It’s a vampire erotica story because one of the final Twilight movies is about to come out, and everything is vampires. Everything. I haven’t edited a single thing in months which isn’t about vampires. I am ready, I can do this. So I open the file and notice there’s a typo in the title, which really should have been my first inkling that something horrendous was about to go down, but you see I’m not quite dead inside yet so I carry on, bushy tailed and bright eyed with my faith in humanity intact. It’ll be dead by page 24, but I don’t know that yet. I’m just editing one more vampire boner fest.
The MC is a girl who we’ll call Sue. Sue is a Good Girl™, Sue is Not Like Other Girls™, she is pale and awkward and a virgin and has somehow managed to find herself a Bad Boy™ for a boyfriend. We’ll call him Dickhead.
Now Dickhead as previously stated is a bit of dick, he tries to pressure Sue into sex because he knows she is The One™ but he loves her really so it’s okay. Except it’s not okay because Sue is a Good Girl™ and holding out till marriage which he’s fine with except he’s got such a bad case of blue balls that one night walking home an attractive stranger lures him into an alley with the words “hey stud” and he follows, dick out before she’s even finished her sentence. Well turns out that was a mistake for Dickhead because she’s a vampire, but not just any vampire, a Dick Biting Vampire. So what started out as a skeevy blow job behind a club that he’ll feel bad about in the morning, turns into him being bitten on the dick and drained of his life essence and left for dead. Except DBV fucked up and now he’s a vampire. Are you still with me? Good, cause it’s about to get weirder.
Realizing he is now an abomination, Dickhead flees, becoming a creature of the night and feeding on animals rather than humans to repent for being such an asshole in life. Sue meanwhile is heartbroken, but carries on valiantly with her life and goes to bed each night crying for the loss of her One True Love™ who she would do anything to bring back. Well guess what Sue, Dickhead never really left you! He’s been “instinctively protecting her from rapists” by hiding out on her roof and fighting hobos who try to get to her open window via the fire escape for months now. Because that’s not fucking terrifying at all.
Upon learning of his predicament and how it happened, Sue can do nothing but blame herself. Oh if only she’d let him touch her secret places, then perhaps all of this could be avoided! Meanwhile Dickhead is having another dilemma of his own, realizing too late that his vampire powers have given him super senses and now he can smell her blood and he can’t decide whether he wants to get with her or eat her. And I don’t mean in the French sense. But he is strong! And over comes his base manly vampire instincts and neither rapes not kills her. Hurrah! And this is so romantic that Sue gives it up, but not before she launches into a theory about how in all fairy tales, True Love saves the day, so maybe her magical pure vagina that has never been touched by anyone, not even her, can bring him back to life. So Dickhead being a dickhead agrees and rips her clothes off, but not before he takes one last moment to marvel at the beauty of her purity, because he will never again look on her again and know she is Pure.
If you’ve only vomited once by now, I applaud your resolve.
So they hop on the good foot and do the nasty, except she is literally so pure in spirit, her flesh burns his. And I quote you from memory because these words are burned into my soul: “her breasts bit into his hands, like crucifix nail nipples tearing at
his flesh, but he did not care because he loved her so and couldn’t
stop”This phrase haunts me. I dread that it will be the last thing I think about on my death bed and my last words will literally be “god fucking dammit” as I die, carrying that mental image with me into the afterlife. My own solace is in knowing that I inflicted it on other people too, like @ahzuri who is somehow still with me after all these years.
When the magical burning sex fails to heal him and leaves her bruised, battered and broken with “a dainty blue bells of bruises around her secret flower” (I am genuinely quoting this, I could never make something as horrendous as this up without being on acid) Dickhead leaves. Yeah. Off he fucks, leaving her to the mercy of the hobos at her window, and into the night to be the true monster he really is. But wait, there’s more. Remember the dick biting vampire? Well turns out she has figured out she made him into a vampire and has also been stalking HIM and is totally jealous of Sue, so tries to kill her. But again Sues Purity saves her, because sex before marriage which was done out of True Love is not a sin, so she is still a spiritual virgin and I’ll be honest, I started drinking heavily at this point and it’s all a bit of a blur.
A fight ensues some pages later after Dickhead returns, realizing the mistake he has made. And he rescues Sue from the Dick Biter, but not before he assaults Dick Biter, and calls her a slut for luring innocent men into alleys cuts her heart out by cutting her breasts off, at which point i screamed “THAT’S NOT HOW YOU REACH THE HEART” and my brain short circuited completely and I have no idea how it ends because I realized there was 30 pages left and my soul couldn’t take it. I emailed the chief editor like ?????!!!!!!????!!!!!! and the book was immediately pulled from the work line and the author dismissed from the publishing house. Turns out she was a friend of a friend and that was how she got the manuscript past our entry levels for requirement.
And that’s the story of how an author sent me death threats for over a month because I stopped her shitty vampire porn from ever seeing the light of day. You’re all fucking WELCOME.
This was a ride from start to finish OH MY GOD.
Blog
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I’ve always wanted to be able to hear English and not understand it.
Then go to England
Of course, now I’ve gone off and discovered there are some new covers of this that I didn’t know about…
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my fave greek history story to tell is that of agnodice. like she noticed that women were dying a lot during childbirth so she went to egypt to study medicine in alexandria and was really fucking good but b/c it was illegal for women to be doctors in athens she had to pretend to be a man. and then the other doctors noticed that she was 10x better than them and accused her of seducing and sleeping with the women patients. like they brought her to court for this. and she just looked at them and these charges and stripped in front of everyone like “yeah. im not fucking your wives” and then they got so mad that a woman was better at their jobs then them that they tried to execute her but all her patients came to court and were like “are you fucking serious? she is the reason you have living children and a wife.” so they were shamed into changing the law and that is how women were given the right to practice medicine in athens
Yeah, this isn’t some Greek myth story about a hero or demigod or something, Agnodice was a real person who actually did this.
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little boy try to kiss girl
This is a learning moment for the both of them.
He’s learning that if he forcibly invades a woman’s space, no one will intervene. And therefore nothing is wrong with his actions. If anything people will videotape and giggle about how he’s such a flirt. He’ll be raised believing this is normal behavior.
She’s learning that no one will intervene when someone invades her physical space. The adults who are supposed to take care of her don’t care that she feels uncomfortable. The people who she’s supposed to trust to keep her safe are encouraging this invasion of her body. She’s learning that her feelings aren’t valid. This’ll be followed with “that just means he likes you”. She’ll be taught that invasion of her physical self is what’s expected of her and that this is genuine affection.
this isn’t even where socialization starts
this boy already feels entitled to her body and affection. so much so that literally being shoved to the floor multiple times and running away from him isn’t even a moment’s deterrent and clearly sets off no warning bells that maybe this is something he shouldn’t be doing
and she is learning in this moment that this is normal. that this is acceptable, because no one is stopping it and taking her away and protecting her. her telling him no and pushing him away from her mean nothing. telling men no is pointless and fighting against it is pointless, because they will not stop until they get what they want. even running away will not help.
they have had so much socialization already that their actions are literally mirroring that of society, of rapists and their victims.
notice how he also keeps thrusting his hips at her. you can see he has
the ability to lean forward without doing that, and the fact that he
does (and with intent, as you can clearly see in the 6th gif)how much you wanna bet he learned that from watching an older family member? from someone out in public? from something on TV?
and the fact that not a single person is stepping in and telling him no is only reinforcing that when girls tell him no and shove him away, all he has to do is keep trying, and he’ll get what he wants.
this is how quickly socialization and misogyny ingrains irreparably in our minds.
Less critically thinking individuals might think that nothing is happening here, but child psychology has told us time and time again that this is the age when humans are learning a massive amount about human interaction.
So many are blind to it because it starts this early. It’s literally from day 1, you’re whole perspective. Men are particularly blind to it because they are benefited rather than subjugated.
^ great point, child development 101 taught me that children are really sponges while they’re in early childhood/toddler stage. They learn from what they see.
Rebloging for ALL the comments.
I find the hip thrust and arm positioning particularly disturbing. He’s pinning and keeping her in place with his body. This child sees someone in his life, someone important, do this on a regular basis.
Let that sink in. Somewhere there’s a man who uses his hips and arms to pin a woman to wall often enough that the toddler above has learned how to do it. In fact, he’s learned how to persist despite resistance.
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Its pretty incredible how accurate the science of astrophysics has gotten. New Horizons actually arrived 72 seconds early after travelling for almost 10 years straight to its destination.
Hello! The person who calculated the arrival time of New Horizons was Yanping Guo, mission design leader and one of the women who made up 25% of the New Horizons team. She configured the entire mission trajectory, including Jupiter and Pluto flybys.
Women’s contribution to the sciences has a long history of being erased, so let’s not forget the women who made New Horizons possible!
Kneeling from left to right: Amy Shira Teitel, Cindy Conrad, Sarah Hamilton, Allisa Earle, Leslie Young, Melissa Jones, Katie Bechtold, Becca Sepan, Kelsi Singer, Amanda Zangari, Coralie Jackman, Helen Hart. Standing, from left to right: Fran Bagenal, Ann Harch, Jillian Redfern, Tiffany Finley, Heather Elliot, Nicole Martin, Yanping Guo, Cathy Olkin, Valerie Mallder, Rayna Tedford, Silvia Protopapa, Martha Kusterer, Kim Ennico, Ann Verbiscer, Bonnie Buratti, Sarah Bucior, Veronica Bray, Emma Birath, Carly Howett, Alice Bowman. Not pictured: Priya Dharmavaram, Sarah Flanigan, Debi Rose, Sheila Zurvalec, Adriana Ocampo, Jo-Anne Kierzkowski.
(Credit: Michael Soluri for image)
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The one short video you should watch today
good lord he’s preaching and I’ve seen the light
I’m literally in tears ???
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I believe the term is ‘Buzzkill’
So we’d made up a list of questions regarding our nice, potential property. We’d had a look at the county website and had some ‘concerns’. But, the realtor seemed to be of the opinion that at least some stuff was permitted, and so I went with cautious optimism.
See, it’s a pretty bit of land:
Google Earth shot of the land And it’s got a workshop / garage, and a small cabin, and a well, and power. So yay.
But when you look at the geodata plan of it, it doesn’t seem right, and there’s a lot of wetland which oddly, isn’t where you’d expect the wetland to be delineated when you’re stood there. Because it’s solid land and not wet at all.
The geodata feels weird compared to the land. And the reason became apparent when he looked up permits.
Garage – not permitted
Cabin – not permitted
Violation recorded – spoil tipped into wetland…
So it turns out that we’d have to get an ecological survey done (we’ll need that pretty much anywhere), but when you look at the overlay:
Geodata overlayed on the arial photograph shows the disaster area. Yeah, that’s the garage in the previously delinated wetland area. The reason it’s not slipping into the bog is that someone dumped a bunch of spoil into the wetland to make it drier. Since nothing’s been done to fix the permit disaster or remediate the damage to the wetland, the permit guy basically said “yeah, you’ll probably have to tear down the shop”. Then he followed that cheery news with “and you’ll also probably need to reinstate the wetland or do some kind of remedial works to it”.
Given the wetland covers most of the land we wanted to use as garden, that’s kinda it for that piece of property. Which sucks, as I’d got quite excited about it.
So now we start our search again.
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I went home and Googled the statue to see what the internet had to say about this mysterious black man, and I found that the New York City Parks Department website did not mention the presence of a second human being in the monument at all. Instead, it read:
“The work, set in a picturesque pink granite steele designed by architect Henry Bacon, features a heroic-sized Lafayette standing next to his horse.”
Lafayette and his horse. His horse. Nary a mention of the grown man standing there, blanket over his shoulder and a look on his face like he’d rather be someplace else. I was perplexed, and then angry, and then curious. I went to the library.
The statue, by Daniel Chester French, had been commissioned when a Frenchman turned Brooklynite named Henry Harteau died and left the city $35,000 to cast a monument to his celebrated countryman. (Lafayette and Harteau are identified on the statue’s base, and it was dedicated in 1917.) He asked that the statue be based on a painting called Lafayette at Yorktown by Jean-Baptiste Le Paon. The painting was actually of two men named Lafayette; one was the familiar marquis, and the other was named James Armistead Lafayette. The marquis was white and James was black. Still, I wondered: Were they brothers? Why did they share a last name?
It turns out that James Armistead was an enslaved man from Virginia who enlisted to fight against the British and ended up working as a double agent. The information he acquired helped to win the battle of Yorktown; hence, the heroic painting. He served under Lafayette, and the two men became such close friends that the marquis successfully petitioned to have James made a free man, after James’s own request for manumission was denied. (Apparently, they were only freeing “slave-soldiers” who fought in the war; being a “slave-spy” didn’t qualify.) James Armistead then took the name of his friend out of affection and gratitude. He lived a long life and become a farmer and a family man.
The Invisible Black Man on a Prospect Park Statue (New York Magazine)
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WARNING
Next week is Bi Visibility week. That means that next week you will be able to see bi-people.
I know. It’s going to be a huge shock. Suddenly all of these people will just suddenly appear. Do not panic. This will only occur for one week and then they will go back to their invisible state and you can continue to call them ‘just a phase’ and ‘attention seekers’ and ‘fakers’. Do not scream when you see a bisexual suddenly appear. This will startle them. Bisexuals might desire to enter LGBTQ+ spaces, stating that they are part of the community and are “not straight” and are “what the B stands for”. While we all know the B stands for bacon, just play along with the bisexuals for the week.
