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09/02/2002 Archived Entry: “Katie Stood on the Benches”
I completely forgot. I’ve been having a lot of trouble (quite possibly related to the change in dose of hormones) with my self image recently. As in feeling completely crap about how I look…..although not so much when I actually see myself. Although I still look crap in the photos.
Had some more done. Not linking to them, I’m told I look nice in them, but….anyway, they were for a deal with Amy, so I shan’t give them away anyway. But I might have posted a few. However, I generally feel like I’ve got big blokie arms, and shoulders. And just not good things.
I think the problem is my head is still at some level failing to realise that I don’t really look blokie anymore. Which is strange, because it used to be the other way around (back, even while I was at university, I’d feel okay about myself until I saw my reflection).
Anyway, so I’ve been feeling bad – and then seeing myself in reflections and feeling better. Which is kind of weird. Better than feeling bad, then seeing myself and feeling worse which happened for a long time. So.
It’s funny though. If rather depressing when I’m feeling bad. And I really do hate my arms. And my shoulders. The rest of me, well, it’s okay – for an off night. Probably.
And…yes. Did I mention Bedecker’s Norway and Sweden. No? Well, my dad found it for me. The only date in it is 1892 (it says fifth edition, I’m not sure whether that’s fifth edition and published in 1892 or fifth edition of a book first published in 1892). So anyway, my addiction to Norway has some basis in my past….I probably found that book many years ago….
Am thinking that that’s the kind of thing which’d be good for my planned TV program.
