Frustration, patience and holidays

So.

I apparently need k-mail to import mail from k-mail into Mozilla. This seems like a flaw to me *sighs*. So, down we go with the Live-Eval CD from SuSE for 9.0 (the system I used to have on here) – in a hope that I can finally get my mail installed. See, just to make things that bit more perfect, some of the passwords for silly things (like IM Clients), the settings for my mail server (both sending and recieving), and a whole bunch of other stuff is stored *in* my mail client.
I really want to get mail working before I leave for xmas, ‘cos otherwise it’ll be pissy as hell when I come back. Also, for reasons probably relating to my own idiocy I can’t currently see one of the disks from Windows. I’ve got one disk in there twice too.

At any rate, at least I have a semi-working computer now; I’ve got a more-or-less working install of Windows, with a working Ext3 reader (it claims to write too, but I think we’ll just get the files off and go all native). Unfortunately; since installing the TV Card drivers my machine now perks up and says “One Service failed to start – see event viewer”, which contains the singularly helpful message: “Application failed to start – see event viewer” as the only event error related to the event. Grr.

I now have: The Scanner, The Printer &The QuickCam to set up. I am also waiting, hopefully, for this darn ISO image. I realise that this is probably boring you witless, actually, but frankly I’ve got no one else to whinge to about this stuff.

Anyway, plan is, get iso down, see if this k-mail trick works (cry if not); while I’m waiting have lunch, clean house, make bed with clean sheets, tidy up a bit (so it’s not too depressing when I get back), collect together work stuff, empty jars, John’s Xmas prezzie, cards (make envelopes!), pack clothes and stuff for a few days, check the oil in Rebecca, and then head home.

Home, where there’s no e-mail, no videos, no books of mine (that’s actually a lie, there’s a huge pile of books which need sorting), and no privacy. I love my parents, and I love going to see them, but I fear more than a few days of it may start to drive me nuts. I find living with someone other than my partner a struggle in many ways. It’s great, don’t get me wrong, living with a friend is *fun*. But I do miss being able to do my own thing; being loud; having to have more consideration in what you do, where you put things, when you eat – when you’re living with a partner, it’s a joint decision about things, but it’s more innate than when you’re with a freind where it has to be more considered. Or something.

Basically, I’ve wanted a place of my own since I was about 10. I remember driving around London and going “I’ll have that bit….and that bit…. and those windows…. and that balcony” and then going round shops and thinking “That’s a nice table, that’d look good in….”. And it drives me nuts that I’m 26, fast approaching 27 and given how fast this year went, fast approaching 30(!) and I’ve never made a space of my own. I feel very frustrated; instead of going forward with my parter, a huge row and a selection of long-standing-now-solved problems meant that we broke up and she’s now hundreds of miles away with someone else.

And I don’t even know how I feel about that. Sometimes it’s fine, sometimes I miss her like my entire soul’s been ripped from my body. I tried going out with someone else; someone I really care about; someone who’s company I enjoyed, but I found myself wanting. Seeing a councellor has really helped me understand my own thoughts and motives; and my own problems; and I feel like I’ve moved on since then. I think I’m more ready mentally to go out with someone else; but I’m still struggling with university stuff I worry about putting enough into my life with someone else; but I guess I’ll just go with the flow, like always :-)

Anyway, I think that’s enough for one day.

Author: KateE

Kate is lord and mistress of all she surveys at pyoor.org...