There’s this whole running joke I have about the trans agenda. About the terrible things that I’m doing to enact the trans agenda, recruiting more people into the trans degeneracy, and, of course, collect enough points for the toaster oven. Although you’d think by now – having run a support group for years – I’d at least have scored a “we recruit” tee-shirt, or like a ballpoint pen, or something. But apparently not.
I mean in all honesty my trans agenda is pretty dull. I like to get nice food, travel, spend time enjoying reading, music and art, drink some really fucking bougie tea and coffee, and just be reasonably accepted and respected in my community (as in the place I live and work). I want to get to enjoy time with the woman I love, take time to see my friends and family. I want healthcare that’s respectful and evidence based. I want to occasionally pet the chickens.
I mean that literally. I mean, Louise is realistically the only chicken who’s going to allow it. But still, they’re fun to pet.
One day I’d like to get a cat again.
That’s the majority of it. I also like to y’know, more specifically enjoy art that sometimes reflects my experiences. I like to hang out with folks that have similar experiences too, sometimes.
And I say this now because I was struck by the utter devastating sadness a couple of times that increasingly I doubt that I will get to be a mother. Every time I unintentionally touch that live wire I have to hold the thoughts at bay that attempt to follow. But we’ve been on the adoption list for a long time. Long enough that I doubt it will happen, especially in the current climate where I’m painted as some kind of predator. The irony of a sexual assaulting felon painting the nurse of nearly 20 years experience as the bad person is not lost on me, even as it saps my soul.
So here I find myself soaked in melancholy. My wife had some stuff she did today about her career. I’ve been seriously looking at starting a bookshop. That’s my fucking trans agenda.
I’m so tired.
But I have love and someone to fight for. And something to fight for.
All they have to fight for is bigotry and hate.
I know which will lose.
