So Hi to any recruiters reading this. I guess this probably factors into why I can’t seem to get a job. That and being trans in the world. Seems like that’s pretty uncool right now. But being a pedo-affiliated-serial-sexual-assualter-and-white-collar-criminal, that’s just dandy. So great. Great. Thanks American society for clarifying exactly where your moral compass is pointing. I think that provides me with the information to make the decision about just how much sympathy I have for you as I make plans to fucking leave this shitshow behind.
A fascist was elected to office in the US – by both popular vote and electoral college. And apparently here I still am, a mixture of panic, sorrow, anger, wild frustration and bleak despair. I spent yesterday evening with friends, trying to paper over the cracks that keep leading me to cry. That keep leading me to the dark corners of despair. Eventually picking up the bass and singing with the friends I’ve made in this country. Feeling some tiny fraction of joy that I’ve had from being here. The irony that I’ve made some awesome friends, watched some of my friends flourish and have the best fucking year, and that I’ve had some pretty good moments (although we won’t talk about my job, because we won’t). And then ending it with this.
I keep wondering how people can be so fucking vile as to think a sexual assaulter who brags about it, a convicted felon, a serial liar who can’t even make a coherent sentence, is a better choice than an intelligent, informed, insightful, funny, fucking actually comes across as remarkably normal human woman. And then I decide that actually, misandry is the best fucking choice. This about covers my position on white men. And actually, most white women too. I have a few men in my life I trust. It’s a small number. People who’ve demonstrated that they aren’t utter fucking shit.
The rest of them can get fucked, since the odds in the US are way worse than 50/50 that they voted for Trump or didn’t bother to vote. White men voted at like 85% for Trump or didn’t vote at all. So fuck them. Fuck them. And along with that the vast majority of white women who are white-first then women a distant second (in their heads, but now they’ve voted for fucking Gilead we’ll see how they feel about that. Probably just dandy as long as there’s someone below them they can kick). I’m angry. I’m preparing to resist in whatever ways I can. But y’know, fixing this isn’t really my job. Yes, I have some privilege from being middle class. I have some privilege borne of the fact my parents managed to overcome the enormous racism my mother faced and had the fact my dad was white, so we actually had a good income and I got to go to a decent school and got to go to university, twice. Both times mostly on the state’s coin. And yes I have some privilege thanks to FFS and the fact I don’t so obviously read as trans, and only choose to look queer.
But I don’t have that privilege all the time. It’s very fucking conditional.
I’ve applied for jobs that I definitely should – on qualifications alone – have been interviewed for. But have got nothing or been turned down in hours after applying. Bear in mind I got my ER job basically without an interview. I turned up and based on my cover letter, experience and resume the woman who ran the department asked when I could start. That was one of the first ‘interview’ questions, then we had a quick chat. But since then I’ve been a lot more vocally out. A lot more visibly trans. And suddenly I can’t even get an interview for a PRN ER job? That is, to me, deeply suspicious. Especially when I’m told by people working at those hospitals that they’re desperate for staff.
So.
I don’t know what that means, longer term. I don’t know whether people in other countries will care the way that people here so clearly apparently fucking do. (I also don’t understand why anyone gives a shit.)
I do know that medium term I want to leave. I don’t trust anyone here who I don’t know and who isn’t visibly queer. I don’t care to find out what they’re like. I don’t care to be around people who have a greater than 50% of either wishing me dead or not bothering to stop someone else who’s wishing me dead.
I don’t know what my future looks like.
I don’t know where we’ll go.
But I agree with Ken White’s post (linked up there) that the US is going to see at least a generation of worsening conditions and worsening rights before it gets better. If it gets better.
Because I’m not sure how better will look at that point. The climate crisis will be way beyond rectifiable. The US will be unrecognizable and won’t have done anything to try and ameliorate the damage.
But it’ll sure have a shit hot bunch of nazi bars.
And I don’t want to be here for that.
Y’all who voted for this, that’s what you get to live. I’m gonna go find somewhere less shit to live.
