I’ve changed my presentation a lot over the past couple of years. I mean, that’s pretty obvious to anyone who’s been on here, or knows me in real life. I exercise now, for nearly an hour every day. Which is astonishing and weird and y’know, when did I become someone who casually does a 30 mile bike ride with a 360m/1200ft climb (granted on an ebike). When did I become a girl who runs 3 miles every day? Someone who gets pissy that they missed a swim, or that the weather’s inclement enough to stop her running. I don’t really know. When did I become so femme in my presentation that wearing trousers feels…odd.
I actually hit a point a week or two ago where I put on jeans and 1) realised it’d been months since I’d worn jeans, and 2) realised I really didn’t like wearing them very much. At least at that point. I’m sure I’ll get over it. But I’ve got super used to the light casual skirts I’ve been wearing through the summer and y’know; leg coverings that are heavy and tight, kinda meh. And I’m hardly high femme these days, just much more femme than I was.
But it ran into something odd today.
We built this house. At least, effectively. I mean, sure, some of the original exterior framing and most of the original sub floor and the structure supporting that is here. But everything else has been replaced. Mostly by our own fair hands. And today we had to work on the bathroom. The leaking toilet, and pipe that’s leaking in the wall (well, would be if that zone wasn’t turned off). And I found myself needing to connect with the self who did that work. And it felt super distant. I’ve not done anything much with working on the house (and yes, I do still need to finish the trim), but it was *weird* seeing this face, and this hair, and my grubby work jumper in the mirror before wandering out to pull out the toilet. Like I haven’t met this me. This me who is more femme in presentation but still does the same shit of working on the house, working on the car.
It’s interesting feeling the different facets of who I am shifting and fitting back together.
