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no you don’t understand. People freak the fuck out if you don’t enforce human gender roles on dogs. They get fucking belligerent. I work in a pet store and the number of times people have gotten LIVID with me for not just automatically assuming their dog not only required but personally wanted the most stringent enforcement of human gender norms is mindblowing.

People demand dog shampoos that smell “masculine” because “He’s a boy he doesn’t want to smell like flowers” even though he’s a dog and if he had his way he would smell like duck poop. And those shampoos exist! That’s the worst part! There’s enough demand for dog shampoo that smells like Axe body spray that they exist and they sell well.

Or the seemingly nice old lady that shouted “PINK! OBVIOUSLY! SHE’S GIRL SHE HATES OTHER COLORS!” at me when i asked what color harness she wanted for her lapdog. Even though her dog can’t actually see the color pink and does not now and will not ever give a single flying dog fart what color her harness is.


Or, like, when you ask, “Oh, what’s her name?” And they get super indignant and are all like, “Well, HIS name is BRUTUS.” Sorry I didn’t lie down on the ground to examine your dog’s belly to determine if it had a penis. Also, if you’ve gotten Brutus fixed, (or alternately Fifi,) they are sexually neutral. Also also DOGS DON’T HAVE GENDER. Dogs have a sex, but gender as we know it–with colors, styles, names, etc–is all a social construct anyway. Totally exclusive to humans.

My stepmom’s family named their cat Simon because they thought it was a male, but it turns out she’s a girl and guess what? Her name is still Simon, and *gasp* she doesn’t care. All she cares about is if you’re going go scratch her ears and give her chicken.

Like, ok, I get that it’s important to know which sex your animal is (especially when they aren’t fixed yet) because males and females have different health issues, but OH MY GOSH PEOPLE calm down, just pet the dogs and chill out.