Now, normally I’d not pause in my day to comment on bird shite hitting the car, it’s not like it’s wholly unheard of. Usually I wander out with a wet tissue, muttering quietly about poo, and wipe it off on my arrival at home.
But this was just astonishing for the sheer volume.
I’m driving along, peaceably, just trundling through a junction when SPLUTCH, the car is splattered with bird shit. Seriously. To give you an idea, it hit: the screen (three large dollops), the door mirror, the quarterlight, almost fully one half of the roof was covered in multiple spatters around an inch to half an inch round, the side of the door had a massive streak of bird shit on it, and to top it off, I had the window wound down (can you see where this is going?) it hit the top edge of the door (as in the actual door, not the window bit) and the wound down window, streaking across and down the inside of the door, it also hit the inside of the window frame about halfway up, splattering onto the interior pillar, and….
Yes, I had bird shit on my arm. My arm that was, for once, not resting on the door. No, my arm was safely inside the car, and yet there it was, spattered in poo.
I’m assuming this was the work of the Seagulls, because few other common birds produce such large quantities of shit. Frankly, however, I was too astonished to check, the poo seeming to be everywhere. I am, at this point, assuming that I’ve managed to wash it off the car and myself successfully, but I fear where else it might have found it’s way.
I have no idea what else I might add to this rant, but today Seagulls get no love.