I guess the stuff that happened at my mums, that I’ve not discussed (and am not likely to discuss) on here; well; it got to me a lot. It’s quite subtle the way these things work their way into your consciousness.
Anyway, work has been better, although I’m not entirely sure why. I’ve not managed to get the nerve to discuss it, my mentor always looks so stressed I just couldn’t bring this down. We’ll see how we go, but I’m not actually going to let things get as bad again.
I’ve just been letting it slide.
But something happened that made me feel fucking good. It made me feel like I’d really helped someone. There was a person on the ward who’s father’d died. This person had collapsed in the hospital and ended up being admitted. She got handed over to me last night as needing some TLC (on top of some treatment for things we actually found just because she’d collapsed).
I spent some time chatting to her last night; and some time today. And she pulled me aside earlier and said thank you to me, and that I’d helped. And one of the things I said to her (whilst pointing / shaking my (closed) bottle of water at her as I walked off the ward for a break) was that she needs to make time for herself… and she said “If anyone else told me to do that I’d tell them where to stick it” (or words to that effect).
I’ve lived through quite a lot of shit, and it really helps me to reach people sometimes. I know that this person, she’s got a lot of stuff to work through, but I’m really glad to know I helped her. I just hope it all works out for her.
But for the first time in a while, I felt like… I connected with someone and I made their life better. I cared for the whole person.
Unfortunately work is less likely to be fun. I’ve not touched my dissertation for days, I’ve been dozy as frack tonight so I’ve not looked at it today, in fact I’ve not looked at it for days. I’ve not prepared anything for my WBLD tomorrow, I did look online… for several entire seconds… before deciding that really I’m just beyond caring.
Tomorrow, the weather forecast isn’t too bad and I’m tempted to finally get the service on Rebecca done. She’s sounding horribly clattery when cold – and the 12,000 mile service point rolled past 200 miles ago with not one drop of oil being added. It all depends on the WBLD. If that goes okay, I might service her. Swap the seatbelt for the loaner too. I’ve even put stamps on the letters which I’ve been carrying around now more than a week (it sounds less impressive when I put it that way).
In other news I’m moderately convinced that there’s something unpleasantly spywarey lurking on this system. I’ve scanned it with various spyware checkers, there’s an uptodate virus scanner on here (they were the first three things that were installed – before I installed anything else, before connecting the network cable); the first thing I did after connecting the network cable was to update them, but still my machine seems to have some bizzare desire to connect to ‘huff data systems’ (wtf?) and if I leave my mail client running it seems to attempt to connect to a random selection of addresses. I’ve now got Peer Guard on there, which seems to have stomped on that, but I’m kind of at a loss as to what else I could do.
I really want to do anything other than go to a Work Based Learning Day tomorrow. I really, really don’t want to be there. I’m about | | from calling in sick. If I stress about it enough I really will feel ill ;-)
If I was at home I could
- Service my car
- Sort out the heating (or try, again) (yes, I’ve repressurised it, again, it’s still crap).
- Read through the final few papers for my dissertation and write some of it.
I’m not saying I would. I just could. I really don’t want to go, but I probably will, because I’m that kind of person, generally. No matter what a waste of time it is I follow rules (so long as they don’t harm anyone); that’s why I spent 25 minutes filling in the admission documentation for someone I was almost 100% certain would be going home later the same day.
I’m kinda rambly today. I’ll shut up. What I should do is write any one of the e-mails and letters (well, there’s only one letter outstanding). I’ve already watched Episode 4 of Noir – so I can’t relax and watch Noir ;-)
Other plans include rebuilding the lounge PC.
I think that it’s my tiredness which is causing problems. I can’t hold in my head for more than a few seconds what I should be doing, what I think I’m going to do, whatever. Nothing’s holding my attention. Gaaah. I’m driving myself nuts.
Anyway, so that’s me. How’re you all?
