12/13/2002: The Noise of Carpet

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12/13/2002 Entry: “The Noise of Carpet”

Hrm.

Moments in time:

Sometimes I forget the world sees me differently to the way I sometimes think I look in my head – I smile at someone and the “how I look” I think “shit, she’ll think I’m trying to pull” or something similar. And then I thing “feh, no, that’s *not* the way I look, and I don’t think I ever *really* looked like that”.

I think people were always a bit, well, didn’t think of me as that kind of ‘bloke’, that said I never was that kind of bloke so they’d’ve been right.

And then there’s moments when I’m hit by, well, how much I’ve changed, but only as an afterthought to what I’ve just done. Like getting dressed earlier, just slobby – teeshirt and jeans – and thinking putting on my green boots, and well, I dunno I thought I looked okay. And well. Yes. It was just nice.

The latter is more normal, and I often don’t really notice it. The former, well, it suprises me when it occurs. Occasionally, well, when someone said “oh, we’re all girls here” today, well, I thought “yay”….but there we go. It happens less and less that I notice it. Yeah. So.

Anyway, I went, err, shopping today. Kinda felt out of place, but still, did it – and I managed to get some of the best named snack bars I’ve encountered….