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06/05/2002 Archived Entry: “Moron.”
I can’t believe that I’ve been such a fucking *moron*.
It appears that when I last used the RiscPC the work I did I either failed to save, or saved in such a stupid place that it’s got deleted – although I can’t imagine where that’d be.
*Sigh* I don’t know how long I’ll be beating myself up over this, but some time I should think.
And I just managed to fuck up using BitchX. For fucks sake. How fucking useless can I *be*?
*sigh*
I’ve got an interview tomorrow at a courier firm – so, I hope I stay alive long enough to actually earn some money. Of course, everyone who suggested it/agreed that it was a way to earn some money if I was desperate has now turned around and said “you can’t do that, you’ll die”. Oh good. Thanks. WTF am I meant to do? I’ve got 2k in credit card debts to pay off, and 1.5k of overdraft that I need to be out of by August – by preference, given that at that point it starts being an interest charging overdraft.
I’m *fucked*. There’s fuck all work here that I’ll cope with – people don’t realise how much having no job/a shit job affects me. I end up completely depressed within days – and courier work may be fucking awful – but it’s fucking awful where I won’t have hours and hours to wonder where the fuck my life is going.
I know what I want, but it just seems so out of reach right now.
This is *not* the way I pictured my life.
FUCK.
