19/11/01, 11:03
I’ve just realised that my brain is full of song lyrics to sodding disco stuff because that’s what my parents listened to when I was young. And still listen to now….sometimes. I’m currently being subjected to Boney M’s Night Flight to Venus! Gah.
The preparations for my dad’s chemotherapy start tomorrow – I hate to think of him having to go through this. I hope it helps…..goddess I hope it helps.
So, I spent the weekend with k, R and L….(ooh, can I collect the whole alphabet? *grin*) – I miss them all terribly when I’m away. Just sat cuddling all weekend – and watched two very different films….Shrek and Preaching to the Perverted – remarkably I’d actually recommend both of these!
It appears we’ve got some BT guys outside….one in all the BT gear, yellow reflective jacket and a white hat….and one in his wooly hat and no BT insignia who appears to be doing all the work…. :-)
Hrm, getting this urge to play with the Music 5000 again….so what if it sounds sod all like real instruments….it’s still fun….
Still wondering about what to do with my life (#Clock hits midnight) – I mean….I really have no idea. Should I go for one of my dreams? Should I try for one of these things I’ve always wanted – or do I try and come up with something that’ll do? Can I put up with something that’ll do? Past experience suggests not….in which case – what am I going to do?
#it’s monday morning, 5:19
I’d forgotten how much I used to listen to music – I guess living with k and R – and being considerate – I’ve not done it much recently. I guess I also listen to a lot of stuff at work – but my collection of cd’s at work is a bit lacking…
What happened to Rialto? This first album is fantastic…and then their second album – well it took an enormous amount of effort to get it – being a Japan only release – and when I did get it, it was all like 70’s easy listening! Where’d all the dark lyrics and twisted ideas go? That’s what I liked! Dark lyrics with boppy happy tunes :-)
Sorry – this really is just me rambling today – I guess I’m trying not to think about lots of stuff – well – probably only the two things. Although thinking about k/R/L makes me feel a bit down – although I’ll be back to see k & R in a couple of days….
Bah, even having not listened to this CD for ages I was still waiting for the skip….
It’s funny to feel special….loved…
Anyway, I’ll shut up now….
19/11/01, 15:11
Okay, fit of lazyness – since at the moment it looks like I’m going to have to manually convert these from stupid WinCE Word format into plain text aud then into the format required for my website (again, I start to wonder if it isn’t time for me to write some java type stuff to make this all a little less difficult….) – I’ve decided to make my entries for each day into one entry….
Aaannyway, so, thinking about jobs and going back to work etc. has managed to
make me feel like shite… I’ve actually been feeling ill from it – well, I
think that’s why I’ve been feeling grotty – it feels like a stress based stomach
ache. I’m thinking this does not bode well for when I actually have to go back
to work…..so I’m not quite sure what to do really. I mean I obviously have to go back, I’ve got to work because I have a largeish debt, okay, a large debt to pay back.
But what then? Evening classes in photography? Paramedic training? Weekends rally driving? Goddess only knows. Where do I go from here? (apart from out of this sodding peugot – I’ve worked out now why the back seat is so uncomfortable – it’s because it’s not a real seat, it’s just a large block of foam that’s gone over-soft. So unfortunately you hit the metal support underneath it when you sit on it….. Incidentally, the reason I’m sat here is because I foolishly decided that I wanted to go into town, specifically into MVC to get Ultraviolet and the Bill Bailey DVD – however my dad had an appointment in Oxford. Fairy nuff – my mum suggested that I come with them into Oxford and then return via Newbury. But the appointment was late (well, obviously an appointment can’t be late, but the person my dad was seeing was running late) and my dad had (has) some other stuff to sort out in Oxford which I suspect may mean I’d’ve been better off not coming, but anyway I digress…) I really don’t know what I want to do, or even what I can do.
There was a time, once, when, I was pretty good at everything I tried to do. Never really outstanding – never fantastic – but acceptably good – and in a few rare cases, really good….
But I don’t have that flair for picking stuff up anymore – it’s not even that I find it hard to do it – I simply don’t seem to have the willpower and desire necessary to allow me to learn. I think part of the problem is that I’m no longer so good at being productively lazy – by which I mean I’d learn about stuff so as to find the easiest way to do it. But now, now I just can’t find the energy to do the learning – I just don’t seem to care enough – and on the few occasions when I do have the energy I don’t seem to have the time.
Perhaps it’s because I’m forever angsting in here!
Bah, it’s nearly 4 o’clock and my parents still aren’t back – I’d say that making it to Newbury from here….well, at best – 5pm, if we left now…..guess I’ll have to wait for my minor spending spree!
Gah, I’m still getting tired ever so easily. I’d really like to curl up and
go to sleep…..I keep seeing movement out of the right hand side of my eye and
thinking it’s my parents – which is distracting. Anyway I’m going to stop now,
for a bit at least…
—
Kate E