31/10/01, 11:46
Well its been an incredibly stressful few days and well, I’m terrified that when I come out one of my closest friends – no, she’s more than that. She’s someone I love…will be dead.
I’m trying not to think about that. To paraphrase Lauren – I don’t half pick them…
Anyway – moving away from that…I’m actually in hospital now; the nerves are quite definately here in force. Basically my brain isnt working very well now – it’s all occupied with one thought pretty much. I guess thats fairly unsurprising.
This ward seems to be mostly full of old people which I find a bit odd….
Aaaanyway….I think that’ll do…
31/10/01, 12:09
Well, bloods been taken for testing and the picolax has been taken….okay now I’m *really* nervous!
31/10/01, 12:50
Well, I’ve just had an amusing lunch – jelly, sorbet and black tea. It seems a bit odd to eat having just taken something whos express purpose is to empty me of food…
One thing which is bugging me is that I dont really know what’s happening. I’ve never been in hospital myself before and I could really do with someone saying: “Well at about x o’clock this is going to happen, then at y o’clock that’ll happen”, etc. etc.
Anyway, listening to elastica (how could they split up?) and waiting for the picolax to kick in…..
31/10/01, 13.00
#da da da
#da da da
#da da da
I don’t love you
(#da da da)
You don’t love me…
31/10/01, 13:45
Well, the picolax has started working…now. Which is err…fun…hrm. And I’ve had a visit from our Mike….checking that I’m sure…
Mostly I’m bored atm. And it’s only going to get worse! But I’m saving the magazines for afterwards….so atm it’s daytime radio/TV….
Never did get to get a photo of me by the “Keep off the groynes” signs….
31/10/01, 15:29
Help me, I’m trapped in a holiday inn!
31/10/01, 19:26
So, it’s now half seven; and I took the picolax just after midday and I’m still going to the loo! Bearing in mind that I had my usual reaction to stress last night and I didn’t have any breakfast you’d not think I’d have so much in me…well that said I don’t actually have anything in me….but I still need the loo…
Anyway I managed to get a nice bath in and, well, shave the required area, shall we say.
…..back to the bathoom…
31/10/01, 19:55
Ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch (just had an injection of anti-coagulent), ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch (it’s like a sodding bee sting only itchier), ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch.
31/10/01, 21:14
Well, I’m actually quite tired so I’ll probably head off to sleep soon….I’m actually very nervous now – I know that this is what I want but the actual operation scares the sh*t out of me.
As long as I could find things to occupy my mind I didn’t really worry but now the only thing left is sleep and then a shower.
I’m still rather sore from the anti-coagulent – although I’m sure that’s nothing compared to what I’m going to be feeling like tomorrow night! I’m also in need of the loo again!
Okay, this is scary, lying alone in a hospital miles from my loved ones (all of them). I suppose of them all Lauren is closest and she’s, what, about 80 miles away – I feel terribly alone. I could do with a hug to be honest….
[Raoul & the Kings of Spain]. Incidentally, if anyone is considering the Matsui CD200 – Don’t! Although it essentially does what it says on the nasty cheap packaging – plays CDs – it doesn’t do it spectacularly well (ohh, just gotta love that hiss!) – it also feels as cheap as it actually is…. :-)
Nuts – sleeping with people reminds me how much I like having someone to hold…makes sleeping alone again that bit harder….
And possibly my final thought for the night – a lot of my friends are going to meet my parents for the first time when I’m incapacitated….is that a wise plan?
Gah – another one….a huge hug to all my friends and my family who’ve supported me when I’ve been horribly flakey and a complete state…
However much I try to play down what’s going on tomorrow – it’s still something I’ve waited my entire life for – it’s a big, scary thing…
And at 8am tomorrow – it’ll be happening….
and over by lunchtime – not that I’ll be getting any! Okay, now to sleep (yeah, right!).
—
Kate E