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I feel I must address the saga of the couple next door, because…well.

They were making some extraordinary noises, at about 4:30ish in the afternoon, and I eventually gave up and went down to the front desk, where I had a great conversation with a woman I will call Yolanda (not her real name but not too far off, who was a hero.) I will also remind my readers that I am in Georgia so all colloquialisms are reported as they happened.

ME: Hi! We are about to have a very awkward conversation!


ME: Are you ready?

HOTEL: I’m ready!

ME: Are you braced?

HOTEL: Let’s do this!

ME: The couple in the room next to me is having incredibly loud sex.

HOTEL: Oh sweet baby Jesus.

ME: I admire their enthusiasm! I am glad they have found each other!

HOTEL: *tries not to laugh*

ME: They are clearly having a VERY fulfilling relationship!

HOTEL: *choking noises*

ME: But if you are at the stage of your relationship where you are making that kind of noise in the afternoon, you are gonna make it all night as well.

HOTEL: Oh yeah! *loses battle, begins laughing*

ME: I am a children’s book author–

HOTEL: *begins slapping her hands on the desk*

ME: –and I gotta get up at 6:45 to go talk to third graders. Is there any way you can move me to a different room?

HOTEL: Oh thank the lord. I though you were gonna ask me to go pound on their door.

ME: That seemed unkind. For you and them.

HOTEL: I’ll move you right over. (Shuffling of room numbers occurs)

ME: You heard that one before?

HOTEL: Oh honey, I’ve worked hotels for fifteen years. I’ve heard pretty much everything.

Tour Day 2 & 3
(via fuckyeahursulavernon)