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The fact that no time travelers have appeared to stop Donald Trump yet suggests one of two things: either he doesn’t win the election or he does and the entire world ends.

Or Ted Cruz was the time traveller, and his participation in the race is part of a stable time loop which leads to Trump becoming President

Ted Cruz’s uncanny behavior and appearance are actually because he is an alien investigating the exact reasons why Earth became a charred cinder in galactic federation year 20967234. He dropped out when he realized the answer and is now making arrangements to be beamed away before it is too late.

unfortunately due to a mishap during the beaming process he is sent to 1960’s northern california and is driven mad and thus becomes the zodiac killer

which we all gave him the idea for in the first place

case closed everyone hit the showers

OMG, this is the best thing since the three-pages-of-posts on the old Slate political forums explaining how Obama used the delorian to take yellow-cake uranium out of Iraq, thus preventing Bush from discovering the WMD that would justify his war. And everyone was saved by Elvis.

hey @shadesofmauve is there anywhere i can read that? i tried googling for it, but i can’t find it. and now i really really wanna read it.


Sadly, I’ve no idea! They totally changed up their forums not long after that, so it might be lost to the mists of time. I really, really wish I’d taken screenshots of the whole thing now – it was amazing. The only other specific I remember is taht Obama used the delorian to bring the yellow-cake to the Weather Undergroun. And America was saved by Elvis and I can’t remember how/why.

So, I realise this is the wrong kind of cake, but my brain went there after ‘yellow cake’.