shadesofmauve:

enterlameprofilename said: Maybe
if it’s not extremely formal and the invitees are within a close social
circle, you could just use the first names? Or pass the buck back and
ask them what they’d prefer?

I’d usually just ask her in this situation, but since she’s Japanese throwing an American/anglophone etiquette thing I can’t answer back at her seems a trifle cruel!

justice-turtle said: I’d
say use whatever name she’s going by currently / pre-wedding. Source:
vague memories of the etiquette for remarriage wedding invitations in
the 1950s.

Hehe, it’s not really a re-marriage. I mean, they ARE getting married again – for the third time – so I suppose it technically is, but they never got divorced in the middle. :P

(Courthouse wedding last fall so she could stay in the country – I was a witness! – wedding in Japan in April, wedding here in August. So. Many. Weddings. Sound familiar, @pyoorkate?)

It’s still good advice, though. Asking her what she’s going by currently is nicer than saying “hey, what do you want on this thing?” and leaving her with a potentially stressful decision. Yay!

We only had 3… :)