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canada’s pride and joy is a

doughnut shop named after and founded by a hockey player in the 1960s 

for all you non-canadian’s who think I’m exaggerating: 

  • “Tim Hortons holds 62% of the Canadian coffee market (compared to Starbucks, in the number two position, at 7%) 
  • “Canadians eat more doughnuts per capita and have more doughnut outlets per capita than any other nation“ 
  • “The company [Tim Hortons] opened twice as many Canadian outlets as McDonald’s and system-wide sales also surpassed those of McDonald’s Canadian operations as of 2002”
  • “The chain accounted for 22.6% of all fast food industry revenues in Canada in 2005.”

there is more to this story and it actually gets better

tim horton the hockey player’s signature move was literally picking opposing players up and hugging them. the guy was like 6?5 on skates, built like a tank, would have come out on top in every hockey fight except that he absolutely refused to punch. someone would hit him and he’d just pick them up in a giant, angry bear hug. 

this one time he broke his jaw and leg in a collision and was off the ice for years, and this freaked him tf out, because dude bro do i like…….have value behind all this muscle? what if this like……happens again, bro? what if i can’t play hockey, bro? huh? bro. basically he broke his face and had an existential crisis. happens to the best of us.

so he started a donut shop because he figured he’d need something to do when the next injury rolled around, seeing as oblivion lurks around every corner and none of us have a purpose. he started it in hamilton, ontario. coffee was ten cents. 

anyways, when his face got better, he invited a police officer to come run his company so he could go play more hockey. which he did.

so: canada’s pride and joy is a donut shop named after and founded by a touch-starved hockey player in the midst of an existential crisis, that was later run by a cop when the aforementioned hockey player left to play more hockey, that then somehow ate up 62% of the canadian coffee biz. god bless.

Where. Is. The. TV. Show.