Category: Tumblr crossposts

idiopathicsmile:

yesterday my lyft driver had a gps that read off directions in what was obviously some sort of specific customized voice

so i was like ‘hey, why does this sound familiar?’

and he was like ‘oh i downloaded it special. it’s colonel sanders.’

never in my life had a stranger thrown me such a goddamn conversational curveball. 

was this an official branded piece of content marketing by kfc? why? why would you go to the trouble of auditioning and hiring a voice actor to impersonate your now-dead founder guiding people onto the i-95, like the world’s least interesting benevolent spirit? colonel sanders was a real dude who is now dead; that is a flipping weird thing for a company to spend money on. is this some misguided corporate attempt to try to revamp his image, like ‘yeah he was a plantation-y southern gentleman and symbolically there’s no way it’s not at least a little racist to glorify him but look…he did just help you get to ikea’

on the other hand, if it’s not affiliated with the company that raises SO MANY MORE questions, like who did this? does colonel sanders have some sort of underground fan community? was there a forum somewhere on the internet where colonel sanders die-hards were all wistfully expressing their longing to have that fried chicken guy’s voice drawling in their ear during long road trips and then finally one lone man stepped forward to fill that gap with a microphone, a dream, and a sub-par fake southern accent

what i said was, ‘…huh’

‘i had t-pain’s voice for a while but it got old really fast,’ said my driver

‘turn right,’ said colonel sanders

‘mm-hmm,’ i said

‘there’s a traffic camera up ahead,’ said colonel sanders. ‘if anyone asks, i was with you last night.’ then he chuckled, in a warm, folksy manner.

i realize this probably sounds like some sort of twisted postmodern tumblr joke, but no, these were the actual pre-recorded words the actual app said.

‘did your gps just jokingly imply colonel sanders committed a murder yesterday and needs an alibi,’ i asked.

‘what?’ said the driver, changing lanes. ‘yeah i guess.’

never in my life had a gps thrown me such a goddamn conversational curveball

like. was it a gps at all, or some sort of experimental new form of fiction, an avant garde crime story delivered in tiny dribbles in and among every hundred navigational tips? but no, if so we are talking some TRUE UNSOLVED MYSTERIES shit, because why the fuck is your dark antihero colonel fucking sanders?

was it a gps at all, or was the deceased wing-and-drumstick magnate now a vengeful ghost and my driver a bold and resourceful ghost-hunter who somehow managed to trap that malignant specter inside the car and bind the colonel’s will to his own and then use that will to get us to the airport via the most efficient available route?

either way, the driver did not divulge his secrets. the colonel droned on. the ride ended. the car drove away and still the truth eluded me, slippery as greased corn.

somebody call a paranormal investigator because we have a lot of shit to work out

thegayteen:

Medicine should never have been privatized in the first place. The concept of profiting off of human desperation and the need for life-saving medicine is, philosophically, intrinsically, and morally wrong both as a fundamental concept and in practice. The fact that Martin Shkreli was ever able to buy an AIDS drug and increase its price 5000% is indicative of a problem even bigger than a truly evil, despicable, and selfish human being; it is indicative of the problem of the current system of for-profit pharmaceuticals with obviously inadequate price regulation.

Anonymous:

Sis I need you to spread some of your wisdom and write another “you have to vote for Hillary/dem nominee” truth post because fuck am I worried. Like before the hate on here for HRC was bad but now it’s like too far gone and I can’t survive a Trump presidency. George Bush was meant to be the “compassionate conservative” and look what he did.

swanjolras:

okay my boss made a pot of coffee for the office and i drank that pot of coffee plus some espresso so i’m in exactly the right place to write this post.

hillary clinton is the democratic party’s nominee for president! donald trump is the republican party’s nominee for president! soon they will choose vice presidents! the general election Has Begun! we have exactly 152 more days of hell to live through and every moment of that hell is gonna be GREAT

your options are:

• vote for trump
• vote for clinton
• vote for a third party candidate (jill stein, gary johnson, etc.)

it’s generally understood that no third party candidate has a legitimate chance of winning. wikipedia has a helpful list of high-profile third party candidates over the past 184 years of american history; they do not win elections unless america is divided enough that, say, half of it secedes. america is very polarized right now, but the level of civil violence we’ve been experiencing recently doesn’t point to a secessionary atmosphere. i wouldn’t be surprised if both stein and johnson got higher vote counts than normal this year, but neither will get actual electoral votes.

so a vote for a third-party candidate only makes sense as an act of protest, and stein and johnson will definitely get plenty of those protest votes.

ithe usual reason for protest votes from leftists is that the democratic party and the gop are too alike; people tend to say that “hillary is just as bad as the gop, so it doesn’t really matter which one of them gets into power, they’re all the same anyway.”

i disagree. here are the reasons why i disagree:

• donald trump would like to deport all 11 million undocumented immigrants in the united states and build a wall along the american-mexican border. hillary clinton does not plan to deport these immigrants, and wants to give “dreamers” a path to united states citizenship.
• donald trump plans to create specific legal hurdles to muslim people immigrating to the united states. hillary clinton does not plan to do this.
• donald trump wants to expand concealed-carry permits. hillary clinton wants to increase background checks, ban assault weapons, and have the cdc study gun violence more.
• donald trump does not support same-sex marriage, and thinks transgender bathroom laws should be left to individual states. hillary clinton supports same-sex marriage, and wants all transgender people to be able to use the bathroom corresponding to their gender.
• donald trump thinks abortion laws should be left to individual states, and plans to put anti-abortion justices on the supreme court. hillary clinton supports abortion’s legality.
• donald trump denies the existence of climate change, and plans to exit the paris agreement. hillary clinton acknowledges the existence of climate change, and plans to stay in the paris agreement.
• donald trump supports offshore drilling and the keystone xl pipeline. hillary clinton does not support offshore drilling, and thinks keystone xl construction should not continue.
• donald trump does not think the minimum wage should be raised. hillary clinton wants to raise the minimum wage.
• donald trump wants to end obamacare. hillary clinton wants to continue obamacare and expand medicaid.
• donald trump wants to privatize prisons. hillary clinton wants to limit use of the death penalty and allow felons to vote.
• donald trump does not think police should wear body cameras. hillary clinton thinks they should.

were this any other election, this post would end here. unfortunately, donald trump’s disqualifications go above and beyond his conservative views.

• he has threatened reporters, protesters, and others who disagree with him with legal reprisals only because they disagree with him.
• he has encouraged violence against protesters at his rallies.
• his candidacy has resulted in demonstrable and proved rises in anti-mexican and anti-muslim sentiment and violence, especially bullying of schoolchildren.
• his platform operates on the basic assumption that legal discrimination against certain minority groups– specifically mexicans and muslims– would improve america’s economy and society.
• he would need far more power than the presidential office currently has in order to implement his racist, islamophobic policies. it is unlikely that he would hesitate in doing his best to seize this power.

it’s understandable to me that far-leftists dislike voting for a candidate with more moderate views than theirs. and, again, were this any other election, i would sympathize to some extent with a protest vote against clinton.

however, donald trump is a fascist.

i do not say “fascist” as a more exaggerated way of saying “bad person”. it is a specific term with a specific definition. ted cruz is not a fascist. marco rubio is not a fascist. ronald reagan was not a fascist.

donald trump is an authoritarian, rising to power on a wave of racism, bigotry, fear, and hate. he has deliberately created a cult of personality around himself and his name. he encourages his followers to use violence against his enemies, and intends to level police violence against his political enemies and certain minority groups.

i am a jew.

i want to make it clear: i am not personally afraid of donald trump. while many of his followers, like david duke, are virulently antisemitic, his platforms do not focus on my people as america’s enemies. i will be affected by his homophobia and his sexism, but not by his anti-mexican or anti-muslim sentiment.

but while i am not personally threatened, i am personally involved. there is a fascist running for president of my country; i am a jew. this fight is my fight. this man is my responsibility. no fascist will ever come to power again.

historically speaking, the far left’s choices in these fights are crucial. whether they choose to focus their attentions on moderate leftist democrats or on far-right fascists determines which of these groups will be defeated and which will be able to rise to power.

i genuinely like hillary clinton; her policies aren’t radical or revolutionary, but many of them are steps in positive directions for america. she’s practical, experienced, and intelligent. she isn’t a charismatic preacher; i’m fine with that. eight years of government by someone who ran as a charismatic preacher have made me a little more jaded, a little more aware of the importance of effectiveness over inspiration. i encourage people to like her as a candidate for her own sake.

if you don’t like her as a candidate, that’s all right. i don’t need you to.

i do need you to be aware of the consequences of allowing trump to come to power. i do need you to be aware of the promise the entire western world made my people seventy years ago. i do need you to understand your personal responsibility in fulfilling that promise.

that’s why i think you should vote for hillary clinton in november.

chronicpain09:

PLEASE DO NOT SEE THE MOVIE ME BEFORE YOU. It is incredibly ableist and honestly insulting to the disability community. You want to know why I’m so upset about this movie? When i was about 8 i was doing a back handspring out in my yard and considering i did acrobatics it wasn’t a big deal. However, this time was different, i made a positioning error and would up landing on my neck. When i tried to get up i couldn’t, my legs and arms wouldn’t move. I started screaming and crying and my friends ran to go get help. I remember everything about what happened: my parents on the phone with 911, being in the ambulance, at the hospital in a neck brace getting all sorts of scans and tests done. I remember laying in my hospital bed being quadriplegic and absolutely terrified. My parents thought i would be in a wheelchair for the rest of my life and so did my doctors. It was a miracle when feeling came back into my arms and legs. For those of you who do not know the plot of the movie/book it’s about a man who comes from a wealthy family and is in a horrible accident leaving him quadriplegic. He wants to end his life but his family promises to give him 6 more months and if he’s not happy by then he can end his life. During these 6 months he meets a new caretaker and falls in love with her. The trailers of this movie make it seem as though once he meets her life is better and he is finally happy. However, at the end of the movie he winds up having an assisted suicide his family is happy they no longer need to care for him and he leaves this girl a bunch of money so she can travel and “live boldly” as the movie puts it and it is portrayed as benefiting everyone. All i can think of is some scared little girl in a hospital bed paralyzed watching this movie because she thinks he finds happiness when really he ends his life. I’ve seen posts in the support group i run from disabled people saying this movie plot makes them want to end their lives. Not only that, i received a message on my blog yesterday from a young girl telling me she read the plot of the movie and it made her want to end her life, i talked her out of it luckily but what this movie is doing to the disabled community is horrific. Not only does this movie romanticize suicide it is making others who are disabled want to end their lives as well. If you see this movie you are feeding into the ideology that people who are disabled should all end their lives and the world is better without us. Don’t go pay to see this movie, it’s bad enough this is already a book.