On Tuesday, actress and author Mara Wilson explained in a string of tweets why this year, for the first time ever, she fears being openly Jewish. She goes on to say that Trump is dangerous because he’s like “a balloon”
Category: Tumblr crossposts
Crossposts from tumblr (for posterity)
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I’ve seen a lot of videos going around of urban-dwelling critters coming to humans for help with various problems, ranging from boxes stuck on their heads to young trapped down a storm drain, and it’s gotten me to thinking:
On the one hand, it’s kind of fascinating that they know to do that.
On the other hand, setting any questions of how this sort of behaviour must have arisen aside for the nonce, does it ever strike you how weird it is that we’ve got a whole collection of prey species whose basic problem-solving script ends with the step “if all else fails, go bother one of the local apex predators and maybe they’ll fix the problem for no reason”?
well, come to think of it, we’re at the top of the food chain but we almost exclusively hunt and kill prey out in the country.
raccoons and possums and foxes and crows all succeed in an urban environment because they’re opportunistic and observant. and almost none of them would have observed us pounce on one of their species and then start eating it, you know? a lot of them would have observed that we scream and chase them out of wherever we don’t want them to be, but other animals are territorial too. but there’s a number of situations where humans feed whoever’s bold enough to take them up on the offer, and we do tend to pull garbage off of other animals as soon as they slow down enough for us to catch. ‘a human got me but nothing bad happened’ is a much more frequent thing than ‘a human got me and tried to eat me’.
anyway like, we’re masters of our environment, we make weird shit happen all the time, we have lots of great food and sometimes we share, and we almost never eat someone. it makes sense for urban animals, over the last century or so, to just keep an eye out for opportunities to use us, and to pass the habit on to their kids.
It really is a weird, funny thing. Like yeah, technically they’re predators, and they get pretty screamy, especially if you try to take any of their stuff… but given the chance it seems like they’d rather help us out and sometimes they’ll just randomly give you food, so???
I mean, I guess in fairytales and myths we’ve got our fair share of stories about dangerous people/creatures who might well kill you or otherwise ruin your life, but to whom people nonetheless turn for help in desperate circumstances. So it’s not like the perspective is exactly a foreign thing to our own mindset, really… It’s just that, y’know, we can’t actually go make a deal with the faeries when there’s something we can’t figure out.
(Which brings me to an interesting thought about the ubiquitous rule about never eating the faery food lest you find yourself forever unsatisfied with anything in the human world – and the potential parallels to the dangers of feeding wildlife human food lest they become addicted and too tame and dependent to be safe for either themselves or us. Hmm.)
I mean, isn’t “we didn’t kill them when they ate our garbage” basically how we ended up domesticating dogs?
Are we accidentally sorta domesticating crows and squirrels?
(Some rats have already been domesticated–pet rats and wild city rats are the same species, sure, but city rats do not like direct human contact and pet rats would quickly die if let loose)
THE IDEA THAT WE’RE FAIRIES TO RACCOONS IS MAKING ME GRIN.
It is the fourth day of the mysterious object stuck on my head. I am so very hungry. The ketchup smeared on the inside of the object is waning. The elders say it is time now, that this has gone beyond what our village can handle and into the supernatural. I am scared. But they say that They can help. That They will either help me or kill me. But I am dead already if I go without food for much longer. Tomorrow, I journey to Their world.
It is the morning of the fifth day. I watch Them through tiny holes that the elders manage to gnaw through the object. I look at the hands that I’ve often seen clutching small bones, at the first finger, seeming broken and shriveled against the others. But any youngling knows it is the key to Their power. They tower above me but I swallow my fears and approach Them, my death or salvation close at hand.
The Human has metal and wood pieces thrusted through the soft skin of its ears, nose, and lips. Dark marks swirl on its skin. Pure power and danger seems to cloud its very presence. It notices me immediately. I tremble as it speaks, its voice soft and as old as time.
“Hey there little buddy, need some help?”
Somebody who doesn’t have a NaNoWriMo plot nailed down needs to write this RIGHT NOW. (Go! Shoo! Get on it! We need to read it!)
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The English “please” is short for “if you please,” “if it pleases you to do this” — it is the same in most European languages (French si il vous plait, Spanish por favor). Its literal meaning is “you are under no obligation to do this.” “Hand me the salt. Not that I am saying that you have to!” This is not true; there is a social obligation, and it would be almost impossible not to comply. But etiquette largely consists of the exchange of polite fictions (to use less polite language, lies). When you ask someone to pass the salt, you are also giving them an order; by attaching the word “please,” you are saying that it is not an order. But, in fact, it is.
In English, “thank you” derives from “think,” it originally meant, “I will remember what you did for me” — which is usually not true either — but in other languages (the Portuguese obrigado is a good example) the standard term follows the form of the English “much obliged” — it actually does mean “I am in your debt.” The French merci is even more graphic: it derives from “mercy,” as in begging for mercy; by saying it you are symbolically placing yourself in your benefactor’s power — since a debtor is, after all, a criminal. Saying “you’re welcome,” or “it’s nothing” (French de rien, Spanish de nada) — the latter has at least the advantage of often being literally true — is a way of reassuring the one to whom one has passed the salt that you are not actually inscribing a debit in your imaginary moral account book. So is saying “my pleasure” — you are saying, “No, actually, it’s a credit, not a debit — you did me a favor because in asking me to pass the salt, you gave me the opportunity to do something I found rewarding in itself!
David Graeber in Debt: The First 5,000 Years (via fivepips)
Words and phrases that have a conventionalized rather than a literal meaning are also known as phatic expressions: other examples are greetings, farewells, and basic checking in such as “how are you?” or “what’s up?”. It’s not that you can’t ask about someone’s actual well-being, but you need to use alternative phrases to do so because certain ones are conventionalized as greetings instead.
(via allthingslinguistic)
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my fav trope is like, nonhuman characters not understanding human needs/customs but still being super supportive of their human companion
“look what I found while exploring this planet’s surface!” “kilrak please I’m trying to sleep” “ah yes your human circadian rhythm. *stage whispering* I am supposed to be quiet during this time in your rhythm, yes?”
“the book I purchased on ragnok V says humans require physical touch when upset. therefore, I shall engage in a ‘hug’ with you.” *supremely awkward five-armed hug ensues*
*human sneezes* “OH MY GOD SIL’EEN GET THE MEDIC OUR HUMAN IS DYING”
“this pamphlet I received recently says that humans require companions and packmates in the form of small earth creatures. you should have told me this before we departed earth, but it is no worry. we will have to stop at the next trade planet to get you one of these ‘cats’ or ‘dogs’.”
imagine the aliens really purchasing a kitten for one of their rough and world-weary scifi badass human companions and watching in helpless wonderment what ensues
“she’s been cuddling that small animal for the past fifteen minutes just going ‘kitty, kitty’. did we – did we break our human?”
a more seasoned alien puts one of their tentacles around the younger one as the rest of the team gathers to watch their human make kissy noises.
“no, kilrak,” the alien says. “we did good.”
“Human-Steve! I have heard that today is the anniversary of your hatching! According to my human culture pamphlet, it is customary to set a sugary pastry on fire while chanting your species’ growth incantation and presenting sacrifices wrapped in shiny paper. I am afraid to ask, in case this ritual is sacred and this request therefor insensitive… but may I be allowed to participate? It sounds much more fascinating than molting.”
“Human Steve, I have read about your ritual dance called ‘The Hokey Pokey,’ performed mostly at mate-bonding celebrations after the guests reach an elevated level of intoxication. But Human Steve, how do I know WHICH left foot to put in, put out, and shake all about? I do not… Human Steve, why are you laughing?”
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1) they expensive bruh 2) none of us kno the dif btwn a fucking diamond and some fancy ass glass ur capitalist rock hierarchy has no control over us
3) mostly mined with slave labor
4) we get excited when our date buys us an appetizer, we don’t even comprehend people buying us rocks that would force us into debt for ten years
5) They aren’t actually that rare and the price is artificially inflated.
Pro tip from a former Jared’s salesperson: You want a sparkly white rock that will look like a diamond to the untrained eye and will literally cost the price of a nice dinner for two? Created white sapphire. They’re lab grown and cost *pennies* to make, so you can get a 1 or 2 carat white sapphire for like… $30-80 probably. You can get one as huge as you like, perfectly clear, perfectly flawless. And no one will ever be able to tell the difference except a professional appraiser. Also, sapphires are the second-hardest gemstone (right after diamonds) so they are very durable! Very unlikely that they’ll chip or crack. Get that bitch set in sterling silver and you are GOOD TO GO. Whole thing should cost you less than $200 unless you get a fancy band with a lot of extra stones. Of course, created sapphires come in every color of the rainbow, so if you want something more exciting than plain white, you TOTALLY CAN.
Created sapphires and silver: The poor Millennial’s engagement ring.
THANK YOU EX-JARED’S BASED GOD.
engagement rings: HACKED
Raw diamonds are also cool and pretty cheap.
@lilrabbitssong shinies!!
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Every one should go to bed. Let’s all go to bed and figure this out in the morning
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I’ll be writing in Bernie as well. #Love it!
Post: This is a really bad idea that will make it more likely for Trump to win.
Bernie Sanders: Please vote for Hillary instead of writing me in.
People: I’m gonna write Bernie in!DON’T. VOTE. FOR BERNIE
All of these “I’ll write in Bernie” people, are literally the living embodiment of Privilege.
The main point of this post: voting third party or writing in Bernie will split the vote and basically hand Donald the White House.
DO NOT WRITE IN A NAME
DO NOT VOTE THIRD PARTY OR VOTE FOR BERNIE SANDERS
FOR GODS SAKE BERNIE SANDERS HAS TOLD PEOPLE NOT TO DO THIS BECAUSE IT WILL NOT WORK AND IT WILL MAKE IT EASIER FOR TRUMP TO WIN
ALSO, WRITING IN BERNIE WON’T WORK, HE ISN’T AN APPROVED THIRD PARTY CANDIDATE. WRITING HIM IN IS LITERALLY THROWING YOUR VOTE AWAY!
THIS
IT IS LITERALLY NOT LEGALLY POSSIBLE UNDER US LAW FOR BERNIE SANDERS TO BECOME PRESIDENT
Now if you want to ACTUALLY show your support for Bernie, vote democrat in the senate elections
Because if the democrats get a senate majority that means Bernie Sanders will be in a position of power in the senate
That’s a way to ACTUALLY show your support
Writing his name in on presidential ballots though? That’s WASTING YOUR VOTE
YOU NEED TO VOTE FOR HILLARY CLINTON
For literally the hundredth time: Voting for Hillary Clinton is the ONLY WAY to guarantee Trump does not become president
Also it’s illegal to take a photo of your ballot
YES that is important to remember as well!
Listen, only 36 states allow write in votes And in 34 of those the candidate MUST register with the state in order for the vote to count. WHICH BERNIE HAS NOT DONE. THIS IS WHY HE’S SAID DON’T WRITE HIM IN.
NINE states don’t even ALLOW write in votes.
If you write him in, you vote LITERALLY will not count SO DON’T DO IT.
For the love of all that’s sane, people, LISTEN TO THIS!! This is not the time for a protest vote or a statement vote. Your country will be placed into the hands of a literally fucking insane narcissistic sexual predator who apparently thinks he is running to become King Joffrey and not the president. Do not give me the bullshit reply of “Well, a president only has so much power”. He has power enough, add a Trump presidency to a Republican controlled Senate and that gives them all the power they need. Oh, and Trump’s VP choice is a religious zealot who thinks gay people should be “cured” with electroshock therapy. Nice, right? You want things like women’s rights, racial equality, marriage equality, affordable college, the right to choose, health insurance, stronger gun laws, freedom to practice a religion other than Christianity, a good relationship with our allies, trade agreements, etc., then you have one choice – Hillary Clinton. Write in Bernie, let Trump win and enjoy the next 4 years of all-straight-Christian-white-guys-carrying-their-guns-to-iHop rein.
Please don’t waste your vote. This year is literally NOT THE YEAR to try to make a statement or whatever. Ladies, POC, this could be our LAST year to vote if the angry cheeto wins. Please just don’t waste your vote. This is too goddamn important.
Two more things:
1. DO NOT TAKE PICTURES OF YOUR BALLOT. DO NOT TAKE SELFIES WITH YOUR BALLOT. DO NOT SHOW YOUR BALLOT TO OTHER PEOPLE. It is illegal in some states and invalidates the ballot in others. You might get away with it – you can check your local laws here. But consider this: it’s a very irresponsible thing to do in all states. If you’re going around cheerfully sharing your ballot on social media (why would u do this) then you are modeling a silly behavior and encouraging your social network to do the same. That is how social media works. Much of your social network will fall within areas where it is illegal or irresponsible to photograph their ballot, and when they happily share in your cool behavior, you’ve just… deliberately encouraged innocent/naive young people to invalidate their hard-earned votes for no reason? What a mean thing to do.
but also
2. DO NOT VOTE IN A CANDIDATE WITHOUT THEIR CONSENT. DO NOT VOTE IN A CANDIDATE AGAINST THEIR WILL. DO NOT VOTE FOR SOMEONE TO TAKE A POSITION THEY DO NOT WANT TO TAKE. This is irresponsible and disrespectful at best, and deeply creepy at worst. If Sanders has explicitly stated that he does not want you to vote him into the office of President – and he has explicitly, formally stated this – do not assume it is your place to override his will. “oh, of course he has to SAY that, but everyone secretly wants to be President” – NO. GROSS. WEIRD. LISTEN TO YOURSELF. If someone says “no” you can’t tell them that actually, you and all your friends have decided that they really meant “yes.”
Bernie Sanders is a wily, savage, cleverboots Yankee fox and he is astonishingly good at playing the game. I trust him to do so; he knows his job. An 18-year-old from Podunk, Nevada who does not even know what players are on the board does not have a direct psychic connection to Uncle Bernie’s foxy brain that allows them to interpret the True and Secret Will of Bernie, and they are also edging dangerously close to Extremely Bad Consent Politics, which would embarrass them in front of their friends if they all thought about it for 5 seconds. You don’t know Bernie’s job better than he does, and consent is not an issue that people get to vote on.
Seriously, don’t do either of these things. If you remove the politics and the Feelings, you’ll see that they aren’t good or kind. And if you put the politics and the Feelings back in, you’ll see that goodness and kindness are what we need to be steering with, above all.
