Kates Journal

So.

Councelling.

Yes.

I am exhausted. There’s so much to talk about, and so much I need to think about. Why did it all have to come out when I’ve got an assignment to do? Why do I find this stuff so easy to write when I should be thinking about the pile of paper over there. Why do I feel a desparate urge to buy Podge and Rodge DVDs when I should quite definately *not* be spending money.

Stress.

Tired, exhausted. I keep coming back to that. I am exhausted; mentally and physically.

So, there’s two problems with watching the last episode of The Long Way Round. One: I’m single, most of the time it’s okay, but watching reunions, and romantic stuff (watched a bit of Tipping the Velvet yesterday) really can suck. Two: I MISS MY BIKE!

I know it’s sheer lazyness on my part, and I know that the only reason for it not working is because I broke it though sheer damned stupidity (I knew the oil was low and I still parked on a flipping slope) – but I can’t believe that the frigging thing could kill itself quite so bloody quickly.

So I need to take it to bits.

It’s all I need to do.

Then at least I’ll know if it’s fixable by me, or if I’ve permanently screwed the top/bottom bearings/cylinder.

Then I can fix it.

Then I can ride it.

God I miss riding it.

Watching “Long Way Round” has made me miss my bike so damn much. And every day I see the sorry little object. Every day I look at it. Every day I feel guilty that I’ve not fixed it. I *have* to fix it soon. I miss it. I put so much damn money into it. I must be able to fix it. I can’t explain what riding the bike feels like. The freedom. The connection to the world. You are part of it, it is part of you, it can hurt you, but you feel so alive.

I miss my bike. Frankly, I miss Ais too. She understood. I’m surrounded by non-bikers and ex-bikers. I miss my bike.

In case you didn’t know, the music behind the K700i mirror ad is “Death In Vegas – Hands Around My Throat”. This is the second Death in Vegas song I’ve heard off an ad. I’m beginning to think it might be time to invest in a Death in Vegas CD. Any recommendations anyone?

In other news, TV is evil. I now want: Joan of Arcadia, Battlestar Gallactica, Dead like me (because my DVDs never did arrive) and The L Word on DVD. Nyargh! I want!

I never used to really watch TV and now there’s 3 series which I watch, (including Long Way Round, which I’d forgotten about) that I want to *have* for me so I can watch them. Oh, and a decent tv. I wonder if I’ll win that Sky competition for a telly. That’d be nice. I’d have to sell it, but at least I could buy a decent lower-end one….. although that might encourage me to watch more films and TV. Hrm.

My list of CDs that I wish to own grows ever larger; and my need for more storage space so that I never actually have to piss about with real CDs…… God I’m lazy :)

I wonder if I can make the other laptop I’ve got ‘go’. That’d save a lot of effort on the music player front! God I’m lazy. Anyway I should get back to my study of diabetes…..

Oh…and I’d forgotten, I want the Invader Zim DVDs too…..So much for my not-involved-in-consumer-society thoughts!

I need a slap. Don’t ask me why, I probably won’t explain. But I do; I just need a slap.

So,

Today was without doubt one of the weirdest days of my life; also one of the most fun; and one of the most tiring. I’m still rather wary of saying too much; although I think I’m probably saying waaaay to little and being incredibly cryptic. So, anyway, if you know me but don’t know what I’m on about then just give me a shout; I can talk forever about what I spent today doing! Although I am shattered.

Mind you the Bed at 23:30, waking up at 3am, staying up ’til 5am, sleep ’till 6:30am, up at 7am…. probably doesn’t help with that. I’m kinda freaked by how far we’ve got, Nikki and I; and how much further we have left to go.

In other; semi-related; news I found a really gorgeous 1930’s deskfan today; it’s going to take a pile of work to make it function; with a shattered bearing, nearly seized motor, a burned out/badly contaminated resistor/controller, damaged grille and dangerous wiring it’s a lot of work waiting to be done. The grille and wiring are the only really easy bit.

But it still looks the part. Needs a bit of a polish!

Uh, and Ladomat: Wir is still a fabulous album to chill out and calm down to; lava lamp, candles and mexican food….