Talking about your problems

…or at least, me talking about my problems helps me to change them.

The things that I’ve known I do for a long time, and which I needed to change, I feel more aware of. I feel like I can try to change some of them.

This is ‘a good thing’ :)

Worthwhile, but not pleasant

So.

Councelling.

Yes.

I am exhausted. There’s so much to talk about, and so much I need to think about. Why did it all have to come out when I’ve got an assignment to do? Why do I find this stuff so easy to write when I should be thinking about the pile of paper over there. Why do I feel a desparate urge to buy Podge and Rodge DVDs when I should quite definately *not* be spending money.

Stress.

Tired, exhausted. I keep coming back to that. I am exhausted; mentally and physically.

The Lack of Bike

So, there’s two problems with watching the last episode of The Long Way Round. One: I’m single, most of the time it’s okay, but watching reunions, and romantic stuff (watched a bit of Tipping the Velvet yesterday) really can suck. Two: I MISS MY BIKE!

I know it’s sheer lazyness on my part, and I know that the only reason for it not working is because I broke it though sheer damned stupidity (I knew the oil was low and I still parked on a flipping slope) – but I can’t believe that the frigging thing could kill itself quite so bloody quickly.

So I need to take it to bits.

It’s all I need to do.

Then at least I’ll know if it’s fixable by me, or if I’ve permanently screwed the top/bottom bearings/cylinder.

Then I can fix it.

Then I can ride it.

God I miss riding it.

Watching “Long Way Round” has made me miss my bike so damn much. And every day I see the sorry little object. Every day I look at it. Every day I feel guilty that I’ve not fixed it. I *have* to fix it soon. I miss it. I put so much damn money into it. I must be able to fix it. I can’t explain what riding the bike feels like. The freedom. The connection to the world. You are part of it, it is part of you, it can hurt you, but you feel so alive.

I miss my bike. Frankly, I miss Ais too. She understood. I’m surrounded by non-bikers and ex-bikers. I miss my bike.

Music, TV and that K700 advert.

In case you didn’t know, the music behind the K700i mirror ad is “Death In Vegas – Hands Around My Throat”. This is the second Death in Vegas song I’ve heard off an ad. I’m beginning to think it might be time to invest in a Death in Vegas CD. Any recommendations anyone?

In other news, TV is evil. I now want: Joan of Arcadia, Battlestar Gallactica, Dead like me (because my DVDs never did arrive) and The L Word on DVD. Nyargh! I want!

I never used to really watch TV and now there’s 3 series which I watch, (including Long Way Round, which I’d forgotten about) that I want to *have* for me so I can watch them. Oh, and a decent tv. I wonder if I’ll win that Sky competition for a telly. That’d be nice. I’d have to sell it, but at least I could buy a decent lower-end one….. although that might encourage me to watch more films and TV. Hrm.

My list of CDs that I wish to own grows ever larger; and my need for more storage space so that I never actually have to piss about with real CDs…… God I’m lazy :)

I wonder if I can make the other laptop I’ve got ‘go’. That’d save a lot of effort on the music player front! God I’m lazy. Anyway I should get back to my study of diabetes…..

Oh…and I’d forgotten, I want the Invader Zim DVDs too…..So much for my not-involved-in-consumer-society thoughts!

Wild Ride

So,

Today was without doubt one of the weirdest days of my life; also one of the most fun; and one of the most tiring. I’m still rather wary of saying too much; although I think I’m probably saying waaaay to little and being incredibly cryptic. So, anyway, if you know me but don’t know what I’m on about then just give me a shout; I can talk forever about what I spent today doing! Although I am shattered.

Mind you the Bed at 23:30, waking up at 3am, staying up ’til 5am, sleep ’till 6:30am, up at 7am…. probably doesn’t help with that. I’m kinda freaked by how far we’ve got, Nikki and I; and how much further we have left to go.

In other; semi-related; news I found a really gorgeous 1930’s deskfan today; it’s going to take a pile of work to make it function; with a shattered bearing, nearly seized motor, a burned out/badly contaminated resistor/controller, damaged grille and dangerous wiring it’s a lot of work waiting to be done. The grille and wiring are the only really easy bit.

But it still looks the part. Needs a bit of a polish!

Uh, and Ladomat: Wir is still a fabulous album to chill out and calm down to; lava lamp, candles and mexican food….

It’s good to talk

So, I spent an hour and a bit with my councellor today. I feel so much better; apparently it is just ‘good to talk’. Got another appointment next week. I’m slightly disappointed that it’s only a 6 week thing, I feel like I could do with this kind of freedom to talk about anything for the whole of my life!

Yeah.

So that rocked.

And I got some history for Rebecca, one of her past owners e-mailed me with a bit of her history. She was owned by a spinster in the past; how appropriate is that? Apparently, when I got her the 60,000 miles might actually have been about accurate! It’s so nice to have a bit of history behind my car. She’s got some history; she’s not just my random blue minor now. She’s got a past, a present and a future :-)

My real japanese name, apparently….

My japanese name is 中村 Nakamura (center of the village) 恵美 Emi (blessed with beauty).
Take your real japanese name generator! today!
Created with Rum and Monkey‘s Name Generator Generator.

My printer is dying, I think. Either that or the cartridge in it isn’t very good. I can’t tell. Magenta certainly doesn’t seem to want to work – I discovered that just before needing to print an important document last Thursday. Black seems to intermittently work. The urge to beat it with sticks is quite strong. Especially knowing that I can probably pick up it’s replacement for about 15 quid.

It’s a bit of a sad little object really. Ah well. Time for bed.

Some of you know this already….

…..so keep it to yourselves.

Please don’t say (to anyone or mention on here) what Nikki and I have mentioned, if you know what we’re on about. Suffice to say that the people we went to see have some interest, perhaps more despite what we took; which didn’t really show what we’re capable of. I think…!

Anyway, it’s incredibly cool; and whatever happens from here on in, to have come this far rocks.

I’m slightly saddened this evening that I don’t really have anyone to share it with; the person I’d dearly love to share it with….. well, let’s not go down that path. And my parents are away. I will tell my sister though, come sunday :-)

Of course, there’s more work ahead; much more; planning and discussions; and yeah, let’s see where this path takes me.

Why is it?

That things never fit through the letter box; and that I have to drive the wrong way at 7am to go and get the bloody package because they can’t attempt a delivery the next day. Grr.